Tiny's Guide To Boozing

Ok most of this is pretty straight forward to anyone who isn't a chimp or dolphin, basically I'll be explaining the things I think are ideal to make a drinking evening successful. Remember it's only my opinion! First up you need somewhere to get started, a pub. However make sure it has a pool/snooker table as this adds to conversation and also gives you something to focus on! Snooker/pool are ideal to play while drinking. Usually people start off pretty good then turn into a quivering wreck that can't pot shit at the end of the night. The reason I like to play is because it is a great way to get a few cheap laughs at each others expense. But the best, I mean BEST thing about playing these games when you've been drinking are the excuses for missing. "The table moved when I went to take my shot! It did seriously it actually leapt up and moved!" "Did you see that? That guy from the next table stole my fucking cue, hit the ball then went back to his game while you took your drink! That bastard what makes it worse is he fucking tried to pot the green by hitting the blue off it instead of the cue ball!!" "Well there is a very good reason that I missed that shot! That guy over there told me that if I hit the ball hard then my cue will explode in my hands" "I heard voices, they told me to miss or they'd drink me beer" "How could I have been expected to pot that? How could I have possibly concentrated? I swear to you the bartender was doing an Irish jig! Lemmie take it again! Oh you didn't see him? Well he did!" "You expected me to concentrate? That guy behind us was checking out my ass! It's flattering yet distracting!" These are some I've said or had other people say that I can remember! Next up you need somewhere to go after wards, someones house is usually the answer. However usually the off lisence is shut at this time so remember to drop the beers off a few days before so they are all chilled and ready for consumption. As well all know music is at it's best when you are hammered, you lose any misconceptions that you may not be a very good singer. Here is Tiny's Top 5 songs to be drunk by - 5) It's My LIfe - Bon Jovi 4) Song 2 - Blur 3) One Week - Barenaked Ladies 2) Last Of The Big Time Drinkers - Stereophonics 1) Sunny Afternoon - The Kinks <Tiny's Drunk Album> I'm not a huge Bon Jovi or Barenaked Ladies fan however these songs are brilliant when drunk - one you can scream along the other is hard to keep up with when you've been drinking all night! Once your conversation has run dry you need a film to watch here are my five favourites that I feel are good sober but incredible drunk! - 5) The Big Lebowski 4) Clerks 3) Happy Gilmour 2) Dazed and Confused 1) Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas Films and tv shows also have the added bonus of drinking games! Bleow are the links to some of my favourites - Dazed And Confused Star Wars The Simpsons Toy Story Stigmata The Sixth Sense Fight Club The Big Lebowski