True Stupid Stories

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at them at the top of her voice, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car, you scumbags!"
The four men didn't wait for a second invitation, but got out and ran like mad, whereupon the lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and get into the driver's seat.
She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried and then it dawned on her why.

A few minutes later she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman described as white, less than 5' tall, glasses, and curly white hair carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.

Police rushed to an Auckland phone box early today after a panic stricken call from a man who could not get out. As they were on their way they received a second 111 call from the man as his panic increased. He was freed moments later. He was pulling the door instead of pushing. Police could not say if he had been drinking. – NZPA

(The Evening Post, Wellington, New Zealand – Monday 17th September, 2001)

I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my room-mate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "Sure." The next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to see that he has filled the filter basket with water and is unsuccessfully trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging the hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the floor are both covered with water.

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."

The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when she asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals to blind people when the light is red. She responded, appalled, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?"

At a goodbye lunch for an old and dear co-worker who is leaving the company due to "rightsizing," our manager spoke up and said, "This is fun. We should have lunch like this more often." Not another word was spoken. We just looked at each other like deer staring into the headlights of an approaching truck.

I worked with an Individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the life of her could not understand why her system would not turn on.

A friend had a brilliant idea for saving disk space. He thought if he put all his Microsoft Word documents into a tiny font they'd take up less room. When he told me I was with another friend. She thought it was a good idea too.

Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard drive?"
Induhvidual: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is that enough?"

Individual: Now what do I do?
Tech Support: What is the prompt on the screen?
Individual: It's asking for "Enter Your Last Name."
Tech Support: Okay, so type in your last name.
Individual: How do you spell that?

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