Seth Green, Matthew Lillard, and Dax Shepherd star in the tale of 3 buddies who travel to Oregon for a childhood friend's funeral and discover that he may have figured out the landing site of D.B. Cooper, a lost and presumed dead hijacker/robber from the 1970s who parachuted out of a plane and supposedly landed in the mountains of Oregon. They realize that there could be hundreds of thousands of dollars still up in the mountains at that site, so they embark on a journey to find it. Along the way, everything that can possibly go wrong does go wrong. They are attacked by a bear; they go over a waterfall, and come to be hunted by mountain men who are harvesting marijuana. By the end, through the help of D.B.'s accomplice Del (Burt Reynolds) all three realize what the true treasure to be sought out is.

The description doesn't really do the movie justice.  If I were to pitch it to a movie executive, I'd say it's "Goonies" meets "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles".  While the plot is predictable and some of the dialogue ridiculous, the interaction between Seth, Matt, and Dax is enjoyable.  Thankfully, that takes up 99% of the movie.  Several key hilarious moments bring this movie out from 1 AMHB territory to 3 AMHB territory. I shan't ruin these for you, but I will say that the trailer does not contain any of these moments.

If you are in the mood for a movie where you can just sit back and relax and let the film do the work, this is the movie you'll want to see. Not every movie has to be a thinkfest, especially during the summer. As long as it's enjoyable, it's all good. Whether you'll find it funny is up to you individually, but I doubt any tenure-track Harvard English professors will be seeing this film, so the film is safe from extremely high-brow criticism in that department.

It's a respectable summer film. Of course, after having seen "Monkeybone," anything's a respectable summer film to me.

Based on the book by Ira Levin, this remake of the 1975 original sees the reunion of Frank Oz and Paul Rudnick after their collaboration on “In & Out” (1997). The original was a suspense/horror movie. This version’s played for laughs. So, some changes went on, we can say that much.

Joanna Eberhard (Nicole Kidman) is fired from her job as president of a TV network after a debacle concerning her newest reality TV show. Her loving husband Walter Kresby (Matthew Broderick) quits his job as network vice president in protest and the family decides to move to the country to get away from it all. They find a house in Stepford, a secluded town in Connecticut (I know, redundancy, right?). Stepford has no crime, no poverty, and no unhappiness. It’s perfect. Soon, however, Joanna and her friend Bobbie (Bette Midler), another newcomer, begin to become suspicious of all the perfection. Most especially, they begin wondering about all the doting, blissful housewives of the town, and about its mayor Mike Wellington (Christopher Walken). They soon uncover the horrible secret of Stepford, but are they too late?

The cast is all-star, the premise is a classic, and the director is Frank Oz. One would think this would guarantee the movie a place in the highest echelons of cinematic quality. However, this was not to be. While I agree that changing the movie to a goofy satire was the only way they could have viably remade it (the twist was revealed 30 years ago, after all), that doesn’t mean they can change everything around and hope for the best.

However, this doesn’t mean that the movie has absolutely no merit. The writing is acceptable. Nothing terribly fake in there. There are even some random bits of hilarity. The acting is all right. I’ve seen better from both Matthew Broderick and Christopher Walken, but that’s beside the point. Nicole Kidman displays the perfect mix of freaked-out horror and comically-exaggerated incredulity. Bette Midler is at her best since “Hocus Pocus” (1993). Jon Lovitz is…in this film as well.

And, of course, there’s the matter of the ending. Test audiences apparently didn’t like the shot-for-shot remake of the original ending, so Frank Oz and Company had to reshoot some scenes and shoot an entirely new ending. Without giving too much away, the person who wrote the ending must not have been there for the rest of the filming, because the addition creates a plot hole you could drive Nicole Kidman’s salary through.

But, whatever, right? It’s a screwball comedy, not a documentary. As long as you don’t think about it while watching it…or ever again after watching it…you’ll be fine.

"Michael Clark Duncan Smells What The Rock is Cooking"
By Senior "The Scorpion King" Correspondent Jackson Brody
 
I enjoyed the films "The Mummy" and "The Mummy Returns", but my enjoyment of these films did not make me feel obligated to go see the latest offering from the franchise, "The Scorpion King."   I kind of laughed off this movie for a while, saying "I shall never see this sub-par film, starring a wrestler of all things!"  However, a friend invited me to see it, and after a week of forced attendance of school in deadly weather I was ready to sit back and a enjoy swords-and-sorceresses flick in an air-conditioned movie theater  (Actually, I lied.  There is only one sorceress in the film).

Truth be told, this is a good movie and as others' reviews have put it, it is fully aware of its own silliness and never takes itself too seriously.  The Rock does his job in the title role, and his performance is light years ahead of Hulk Hogan's misguided cameo in Muppets From Space.  The rest of the cast is virtually all unknowns, with the proud exception of Michael Clark Duncan, who possesses the power turn any crappy movie into an enjoyable one  (See Tim Burton's Planet of the Apes for strong evidence).   A sight gag involving him got the strongest laugh from the theater crowd.

It's hard to believe that the screenplay took five people to write.  No new cinematic ground is explored in this film, but there are enough elements successfully taken from other films to merit watching and enjoying.  I can practically guarantee that every single shot in the film will contain one of the five following things:

Some hardcore criticism: This film operates on the cinematic scientific law that when there is an explosion in a room filled with both good and 'bad' characters, the bad characters will burn in agony while the good characters are miraculously thrown from the inferno.  Aside from the Rock being stung with an arrow full of scorpion poison, nothing else scorpion-related happens in this film.  A more appropriate title might have been "The Rock Issues a Bevy of One-liners And Kills Many People, Who May or May Not Deserve Such a Stylized and Sadistic Death."  Sadly for wrestler fans, the Rock never says his trademark line, "Can you smell what the Rock is cooking" which had the potential to be tremendously funny in several spots. But! he does do the eyebrow thing!

Favorite Lines:
Geeky Horse Thief Character: "It's not the size of the hump, but the motion of the camel."

Premise:
It seems that a newly-elected Malaysian Prime Minister has promised to raise factory wages. This would cost the fashion industry big bucks. So the most evil fashion mogul of them all, Mr. Mugato (Will Ferrell) devises a plan: brainwash a self-absorbed male model that will do whatever his fashion designer boss tells him to do. That's where Derek Zoolander comes in. Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller) is the most self-absorbed male model in the fashion industry. That is, of course, until Hansel (Owen Wilson), the newest, hottest male model on the scene, beats him out for the Best Male Model Award at a Fashion Awards Show. As if this isn't enough, all of Derek's friends are subsequently blown up in a bizarre gasoline fight accident. (don't ask.) Derek is washed up, so much so that he even resorts to going back to his roots in the Coal Mines of South Jersey. He's an outcast there too, however. Suddenly, Mugato offers him a job as the face of the fashion designer's new collection: Derelique. Mugato brainwashes Zoolander, and events move from there. But even with the help of Matilda (Derek's love interest), David Duchovny, Billy Zane, rival-turned-ally Hansel, and Zoolander's top-secret new look Magnum, can Derek can overcome Mugato? Go and find out.

Comments:
I liked it. Was it wacky? Sure. Too much so? Possibly. But you must remember that if you were going in there expecting the next "Cider House Rules" you obviously had not seen the commercials. It's a Ben Stiller film, people. Come on! This is "There's Something About Mary" minus Cameron Diaz and Daniel Stern, plus Jerry Stiller, a fashion world setting, and David Bowie. I expected wackiness and nonsensical plot twists, and that is what I got. It was funny because I desperately needed a laugh and was ready to laugh at anything. I'm not saying the comedy was so bad that you'll only like it if you're desperate. It's hilarious. I'm simply saying that it's what I needed at the time.

Plus, I would like to say that I am very upset at the theater at not providing me with a "Happiness Edition" of my city's newspaper. Hey pals, I gave my dollar to charity, and I demand my Happiness! I'm watchin' you! Oh, don't think I'm not angry about this.

Anyway, I would also like to thank the man near the front of the audience in the theater I saw it at who shouted out one of the funniest lines (and it wasn't even in the film). It went as such.

Derek Zoolander: "Wait, I've got a plan."
Random Guy: "Uh oh!"

The guy practically yelled this remark in a total silent theater, and for that I applaud him. Not only did he make me laugh, he made many in the audience laugh. He picked up the movie at a dull part, and made it his own. I salute you, unknown theater-goer.

One last thing: for any cinematic experts who say "the music montage" as an instrument of comedy is dead, I urge you to see this film. Because this film will prove you wrong.

Favorite Lines:
Hansel: I like Sting. I've never heard any of his music, but he just keeps making that music, and I respect him for that.

(Derek looks up at sky)
Derek: Who am I?
(His cellphone rings, he answers it.)
Derek: "Hello?....God?"
--Derek gets a cellphone call from God...oh wait, I mean Jerry Stiller.

Mr. Mugato (Will Ferrell): Obey my dog!
Derek Zoolander: It's a day spa. D-A-I-Y-E.

Hansel: Derelique my balls
Derek: I can Derelique my own balls, thank you

(David Duchovny explains a crucial plot point about male models and assassinations.)
Matilda: That is amazing!
Derek: I know!...but why male models?
David Duchovny: ....Are you kidding? I just told you.

Matilda: (In regards to the last time she had sex.) Try a few years.
Derek: Oh SNAP!!!!

Mr. Mugato: Come on! Blue Steel?! It's the same freakin' look! I feel like I'm on crazy pills!

Premise:
Stevo (Matthew Lillard) and Heroin Bob (Michael A. Goorjian) are the only 2 punks who live in conservative Salt Lake City.  The movie follows their exploits around a turning point in both their lives.  Heroin Bob, who has never done heroin, but who hates mirrors, goes into the hospital and comes out again in three weeks.  Through a series of flashbacks, we are shown different aspects of punk life.  Then the turning point begins.  Bob falls in love, and Stevo starts pondering if being an anarchist isn't hypocritical, since anarchy calls for no systems for doing things, yet anarchy itself is a system for doing things.  From there, the plot becomes, well, basically something to make the movie keep going, I'm sorry to say.  There isn't much after that.

Comments:
Eh.

I see reasons why I SHOULD like this film.  I guess I just don't have the energy to.

Matthew Lillard exceeds expectations, which is a good thing.

The plot definitely goes nowhere after awhile though.  I don't know.  I feel bad saying this.  I enjoyed the movie, but I wouldn't see it again if given a choice of something more substantial.  Once is enough for me.  It's not a movie I would purchase, and if given the chance to go back in time to 1999 and see it on the big screen, I'd probably skip out on the movie and do something more productive with my time back in the 20th Century.

But Mark (the Russian rich guy) was a hoot, as was Heroin Bob.  I enjoyed their characters immensely.  I also liked Mike (Jason Segel), the most hardcore guy Stevo had ever met, even though you wouldn't think it by just looking at him.

In retrospect: characters = good.  Plot = relies on the characters too much.  You could have the greatest characters of all time, but if you don't have them do anything substantial (for example, have them simply be punks), then it's pointless.

It's not a movie for everyone, but I would suggest viewing it, if only to see Matthew Lillard doing something besides playing a cartoon character.  He actually does really well in the part, and I commend him.  Beyond that, however, SLC Punk is a mediocre flick.

Favorite Lines:
Stevo's Father: I didn't sell out, I bought in. Remember that.

Stevo: Do you love her?
Bob: I don't know. I'd have to think about that.
Stevo: It's not really a thinking question.

Stevo: The sun never sets on the British Empire... well the sun never sets on my asshole!

Mark (Russian accent): It has 7 comfort levels, and I would be glad to show them all to you right now.

Bob: How much more is there?
Mark: Much much more!
(It's just the way he says it.  The movie's worth seeing for the scene where Mark shows off his things alone.)