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Marta Terez: The Sitcom
Season 2: "He's Not Heavy, He's My Brother" Episode 201: ("The Incredib(ly Fat) Marcus E. Larkus and the Holy Grail"): A nuclear threat has been levelled on Los Angeles, and Eamon is brought in to Marta's apartment, beard and all, to reestablish a cover with the only suspect. When he gets there, though, they realize that there are people way more qualified to handle such a situation, and give up. Eamon must shave the beard, which he is mad about because he grew it especially to shave it off before the first hour of the crisis. Anyway, Kevin becomes suspicious that Marcus is hiding something. Especially when everyone he knows tells him that Marcus has been going around town telling everyone that he's hiding something. He confronts Marcus about it, and Marcus tells his tale. Apparently, Marcus had gotten a call from an old archaelogist friend named Kent Dashing telling him that he had discovered the location of the Holy Grail. He called Marcus to settle an old argument about whether the Grail was made of wood or chicken nuggets. Finally, Kent reasoned, he'd be able to prove Marcus's wood theory preposterous. Marcus had set up a tape recorder in his room and stuffed his bed with pillows to fool Kevin into thinking he was still there. He then went off to Jerusalem to meet Kent. During all this, Hyper Drive Factor Five was arguing over whether Marcus was actually in the room or not. The recorded phrases drifting every so often from Marcus' room such as "I like emo music" and "Go away, I'm trying to set a world record for weeping" convince them that he is. Once Marcus and Kent reach the site of the supposed Holy Grail, they start digging. Inside a box several feet under the sand, they discover the Grail. It turns out they were both wrong. It's actually made out of plastic, and even has a twisty straw of eternal salvation. Marcus and Kent shake hands, and walk away, forgetting to take the Grail with them. The End. Episode 202: ("Have You Lost Your Mind?") Some unidentifiable person emails a virus to Marta's brain. It completes destroys any knowledge she possesses. There is no noticeable effect, but she keeps complaining about it to everyone else, so they decide to somehow resolve the situation. Marta remembers that she put her entire memory on disk after seeing "Invasion of the Body Snatchers." They have to go down to the docks to get it out of her storage locker. On their way, they exchange blows with a gang with a bunch of effeminate ninjas. Finally, they get the box containing Marta's memory. She quickly eats all the disks, successfully restoring her memory. Episode 203: ("It's the End of Marcus as We Know It") The usually unemployed Marcus gets a job on Fox's new show "The World's Kraziest Police Lynchings." During filming, Marcus is killed by some overenthusiastic fans. No one can understand why anyone would want to be a fan of Marcus, but the fact remains, he is dead and gone forever. There is an overlong and over-sentimental funeral celebrating his triumph and many defeats. Hyper Drive Factor Five is faced with a certain problem. With Marcus gone, they have lost the only member to possess actual skill. It is decided the best next move would be for the band to break up. In mourning, Erin Jean flees to a Tibetan monastery. To deal with unresolved issues relating to Marcus' kind of tragic death, the remaining members of HDFF and Marta decide to form their own personal boy band. So, Kev, J.P., Marta, and Eamon form BeEfEbOyZ. After purchasing lame, dorky, over-revealing clothing, and scraping any last bit of dignity off themselves, they successfully transform themselves into a boy band. They begin to perform at McNipple's. The mostly lesbian crowd becomes angered at the notion of a boy band at their precious bar, and they are chased from town in a humorous sequence complete with motorcycles and grizzly old people with pitchforks. Torn and defeated, they contemplate what to do. Suddenly, Kevin remembers the spare Marcus he keeps in his closet. They activate him, and he is exactly the same as the old Marcus, except he's shinier and doesn't have any stains on him. Erin Jean returns, not remembering anything. And no one even realizes she left in the first place. Episode 204: ("Gender Bender: The Next Generation") (Narrated by special guest Patrick Stewart) Big Willie comes to Marta's apartment, begging her to grant him a favor. It turns out his parents don't know he is a transitional-sexual, and they are coming to visit. To further mask his true sexual orientation, he asks Marta to pretend to be married to him. She agrees, and his parents arrive, just as a week of unpredictable weather does. Big Willie keeps turning into Big Wilma at the most inappropriate times. His parents become confused as to who the man in the marriage is, Big Willie or Marta? The whole situation is resolved when rogue space warriors from the year 2020 travel back in time and kill Big Willie's parents for no apparent reason. Or so we are led to believe.... Episode 205: ("Who Wants to Be A Human-Plant Hybrid?") After accidentally killing and eating her landlord, Marta decides it would be best if she laid low at Eamon's never before seen apartment for a couple of days. After the smoke clears and all evidence is destroyed, she returns home. Upon returning, she discovers a race of human-plant hybrids living there, apparently friends of Ozmodiar. After they ruin her vast collection of Backdoor Boys CDs, she decides their destruction must be immediate. She hires the Concerned Parents Community Theater to kill them. No one survives. Marta doesn't care, but is glad that her apartment is no longer inhabited by mutants. She celebrates by going to see a wrestling match featuring her favorite wrestler, Jesus Jones. Episode 206: ("The Deer Eater") Unexpectedly, the great country of France declares war on the United States . Concerned, the gang decides to go off to war together and prepared to die for their country. Marta, already a decorated war general, is not allowed to join the ranks of infantry, and gets a cozy desk job in a nearby recruitment center. Marcus is turned down, and the army's medical tests reveal he's pregnant, even though he is presumably male, and still a virgin in every sense of the word. Eamon, scared over the thought of going into conflict, hangs himself with his never before seen noose. Despite this, he is perfectly fine in the next scene. Ozmodiar is diagnosed with cancer, but joins up anyway. While "Goodnight Saigon" plays in the background, the gang remembers the good ol' days, and realize they may never be together in the same room again. The episode ends there. (Note) During the credits, the French, in an answering machine message, apologize to the United States for accidentally starting a war, saying the only reason they did it was because they were drunk. Since they are talking in French, no one will understand it, allowing the episode to go completely unresolved Episode 207: ("Cleverly Titled Episode Involving A Halloween Scenario") It's Halloween time, and everyone is preparing for the big night. Marta does not want to go, worried that Orphan Jimmy and the remaining human-plant hybrids living in her cupboard will instigate revolution while she is away. They mention that free candy is given out on Halloween, and she quickly forgets any prior obligations. Kevin and Ozmodiar plan to go as Cheech and Chong, but due to an unfortunate mix-up at the costume rental place, they end up going as the Olsen Twins. Marcus goes as Elliot Ness, and Kevin makes a joke that he's untouchable. Marta goes as her favorite wrestler, Jesus Jones. About half-an-hour-into tricks or treating, Marta gets greedy and starts stealing from little kids. She is arrested. She must perform community service as punishment for her misdeeds. Then she realizes she was framed for the crime, even though she remembers committing it. Angered at having to do community service for something she was framed for, she vows revenge. Who could of framed the lovable Marta Terez? Episode 208: ("One Door Closed, Another Opens") Marta wakes up one morning to find Ozmodiar missing. She assumes he is in another one of his moods, and will be back in couple of hours. He does not. Since Marta does not know how to work the door, she is stranded inside her apartment. No one can get in, unless they come in through the window. After about three days, they call the police. It turns out that Ozmodiar doesn't technically exist, so they can do nothing. Eventually a ransom note turns up. In order for Ozmodiar's safe return, they must deliver Lenny Kravitz's disembodied head. Since someone has already taken it, they have no option but to wait for something else to develop. The ransom note is signed "The guy who played Zorro in the Mask of Zorro." They are baffled. Marta figures she will need to leave the house at some time, so she hires a new doorman. He is a former English librarian named Wesley. He is quite stuffy and proper, but they will have to learn to cope until Ozmodiar's safe return. Episode 209: ("Desperately Seeking Ozmodiar") Convinced that Ozmodiar has gone back to his hometown of Atlantis, Marta decides, seeing as she has no boat and no income until next Friday, to seek it out by swimming. She is on the right track until a rip tide pulls her across the Gulf of Mexico to the Yucatan Peninsula , where she meets a friendly group of tourists. They are ready and willing to help her until she proclaims a state of martial law in a mobile 4 feet radius of herself and raids their mini-fridge. An agent for an unknown organization is among the tourists, and warns Marta that something big is about to go down. Marta manages to get Marcus and Kev to wire her some cash, but they berate her for not choosing Western Union . Episode 210: ("The Monumental Spontaneous Waffle Iron Combustion: Part 1") Kev and Marcus arrive in Cuba , where they meet up with Marta, who is feverishly searching for the beloved Ozmodiar. Upon their arrival, Marta learns that someone has canceled her subscription to "Stick Of Butter Of the Week" club. Now it's personal. Alongside Kev and Marcus, Marta continues her search. While in a Cuban marketplace, Marc keeps stepping on Kev's shoelaces. This causes Kev to trip, which makes him shout out "Jesus Christ." This leads the three to being arrested for spouting religious propaganda. They stand trial, and are sentenced to death by whale. Since no whales live in Cuba 's surrounding waters, they are transported to Sea World, where Shamu will bring about their untimely end. When they arrive, the Cuban mercenary transporting them is discovered to be none other than Roy Bamboo, Marta's old friend/nemesis and former Britney Spear bodyguard! Marc tries to fend him off while allowing the others to escape, but fails miserably, and only ends up hurting himself. Roy takes them to a subterranean base located under Sea World. In the main chamber, they encounter a mysterious figure in a Technicolor cape. It is none other than Antonio Banderas Ver. 2.3! He confesses to kidnapping Ozmodiar and all the other stuff he did to Marta. She asks to see Ozmodiar. They (and we) discover that Ozmodiar has switched sides, opting to aid Antonio in his schemes. Antonio then reveals the name of his new evil project...Operation: Chef Boy-Ar-Dee. Marta, confused and hungry, begs him to tell her what it is, and why he has picked her to torture. Antonio's wife, RoboGriffith, is about to explain all when those ever-so-important words flash on the screen: To Be Continued... Go back to Marta Terez: The Episode Guide Home Stay tuned for further updates.
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