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My Story ~ How it was, & how it is now! I'm gonna try to keep this short, but I am long winded, as well as a writer who loves to express myself! Well here goes!  My name is Andrea and I am a recovering addict and alcoholic. I started out on the hard stuff! I was 11 years old when I first shoot up some heroin. Not too long after that I got stoned drunk off of some cheap wine and threw up all over the stoop in the East Village of New York City! I was born in San Francisco, California in November of 1956. My mother was a dope fiend and alcoholic as well. Due to her drug & alcohol use I was sexually abused by the tender age of 4 years old. I grew up with lots of fear, guilt, shame, anger, and resentment! I was a very confussed child as I had no clue as to what real love was! I got so many mixed messages! My mother and I moved to New York City when I was about 41/2 to 5 years old. I was later sexually abused there as well. It got really bad with mom, as her addiction progressed. At times I didn't even go to school, and when I did I was not a pretty site as mom very seldom did laundry or ironed! If it had not been for my grandmother I'm sure it would have been much worse. By the time I was 8 years old I was taken from my mother and placed in an all girls Cathlic school called Mother Cabrinies in Up State NY. I was made a ward of the state as my mother was found to be unfit. When she dropped me off, that was the last time I ever saw my mother again, alive! She died two years later and I still remember her funeral as if it were yesterday. My grandmother got custody of me when I was 11 years old. I was so filled with fear, anger, rage, guilt, shame, and resentment that I literally lost my mind. I was not home from the girls school for more than a week before I hit the streets. I ran away trying to find some type of release, some-thing. I only lasted out there a few days before my grandmother found me and brought me back home. I continued to run away and run the streets in search of something, someone, of what, I had no clue! When I found heroin, I thought I had found Heaven! She became my lover, my best friend, and my god! I was very sexually active as I believed that was the way to express love, and be loved in return. Later it became a means of survial and a means of supporting my drug habit. Why wouldn't I just go to school, take piano and opera lessons as my grandmother wanted for me?!? Why wouldn't I live by the Cathlic teachings?!? Because I was filled with fear, anger, rage, resentment, guilt, shame, and no self esteem. If you reached out a hand to help me! I would try to ripe it off and get you as far away from me as I possibly could. As anyone I ever loved, only hurt me, or left me! So I wouldn't allow anyone in!

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If I could change just one thing in our world! I would replace hatred with love and compassion, envy and greed with Sharing and Caring!

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