Because they endeavour to DELAY THEIR OWN GRIEF and will not permit themselves the relief of emotional pain through crying, men tend to:

• have more problems with anger and hostility. Men are expected to act aggressively and competitively and when the world continues on as though nothing has happened, he struggles to contain his anger. He feels as if he wants to hit out and make someone responsible for his baby’s death.
• experience frustration in not being able to help their wives and family cope with their Grief. Most men are expected to be Mr Fix It and they find that they can not take away the pain of grief.
• develop a very effective memory block. The only way that most men believe they can survive is to tell themselves that they have to forget about what has happened. To move on rather than to look back.
• try to prevent themselves from thinking about what has happened. If they continue to think about their baby’s death they will not be able to help their wives cope.

With some men there is an increase in Sexual drive and there is the:

• need to prove himself as a man. He sees sex as a way to obtain physical release and to prove that he can still perform as a man.
• belief that the only acceptable expression of emotional love is through sex. Many men believe that the only time he can allow himself to be vulnerable and show emotion, is when he is making love.
• need to perpetuate the family line following a child death. There is the expectation that the man has the responsibility of being sexually potent. It is his duty to father children to continue his family line.