Miscarriage and Stillbirth Grief: Page 9


        MALE GRIEF REACTIONS:

        MEN TEND NOT TO RECEIVE THE SAME ATTENTION AND SUPPORT GENERALLY AS WOMEN and so therefore tend not to be assisted towards a healthy Recovery.

        Most men are grateful when other people inquire of them:

        • How is your wife coping? or
        • How are the children?
        And yet long in their heart for someone to really ask, How are you coping?

        A young father said, Why is it that no one seems to care about me? Why don’t people know that I loved my baby and I hurt like hell that she has died. Do they believe that just because I am a man I do not feel the pain of her death? Men do feel pain. Men do hurt. Men are vulnerable but we are not expected to show it. I just wish that someone would remember that she was my baby too.

        When a man is locked into a Loving Protector Role and experiences this longing he generally has a guilt reaction because he feels he should only be concerned for his wife and his children. There is the expectation that the man should grieve alone. To get it out in private and then be strong for those who need him.

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        STEPS TO HELP MEN GRIEVE:

        These are a few steps to Help Men Grieve:

        1. Accept where they are in their Grief.
        2. Help to normalise their Grief.
        3. Encourage them to write out their feelings.
        4. Endeavour to talk with both Partners.
        5. Work with their Loving Protector Role.
        6. Teach ways to help their wife in her grief.
        7. Help them to talk to other Grieving people with similar loss.
        8. Respond to their anger and frustration.
        9. Encourage the re-direction of their anger.
        10. Help them to be aware of the danger of internalisation.


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