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Norma considering going to try and combat her constipation
NANA: I'll just have another try Barbara

Nana on finding out that Anthony's girlfriend is a vegitarian
NANA: Could she have some wather thin ham Barbara

Discussing Anthonies new girl friend
Nana: Whos Emma
Jim: I think you know her. Emma Royde.
Nana: Whos Emma Royde?
JIM: She lives up your back passage

The normally silent Joe on the news of Denises pregnancy: "A little tiny baby eh? A little tiny baby".

Mary: "Our cheryll was a tiny baby. She weighed just 6 pounds"
Jim: "Who did?!! Cheryll?!!"
Barbara: "YES!"

Jim comforts Barbara in her time of menapausal need, using a contestant on "Who wants to be a millionaire" as his example:
"I tell you what Barb, there was a woman just like you, on the change. Just made a thousand pound there on the telly. So it's not all doom and gloom"

Cheryll is hungry; "ooh, I could go another club Barbara".

Denise: "Aaaar, look at Dave. He's got absolutely no arse has he!?"

Jim, still on the subject of the menapause:
"The trouble with me lad, is I'm too easy bloody going. She walks all over me. I mean, the day she does work in the bakery; It can be half seven, or a quarter to eight before my tea's ready. But I dont't say nothing, I just get on with it"

Norma on her fall outside Timsons:"It's still talked about today"
Jim: "Bloody hell Norma! Who still talks about it?"
Norma: "Me and Elsie"

Jim's view on weightwatchers:
"Weightwatchers?! A room full of fat-arsed women paying loads of money not to shovel food into their gobs?!"

Norma, on what her eye surgen Michael Crawford (she finds his name hilarious) told her: "Do you know what he said to me? He said 'although I am taking the cateract out of your eye, I am leaving the twinkle in'.

Jim on Richard Branson:
"You can't get as rich as he is without being as tight as a cammel's arse in a sandstorm, can you? He wouldn't give you the steam off his piss, that fella!"

Jim drops in some chat about poo, while the family are eating sunday dinner;
Barbara - "Jim, we'll have no more shit at the dinner table".

Jim:"You are the apple in my eye. That's why
I married you. It certainly wasn't for your cooking.

Jim on Norma:
"Thinks the bloody world of me? Today she had a family size bag of bloody Revels, and did she offer me one? Did she shite! She sat on her fat arse, announcing everyone as she put it in her big fat gob. Oooh, Coconut, Ooooh Orange, Ooooo Malt-bloody-Teasers.