Bringing to you the opinions of the redoubtable Col. Horace J Blitzenburger of the Tuxedo Ninth Cavalry. Previously published on the Usenet, they now appear on the World Wide Web for the benefit of an even larger audience. The good Colonel is the quintessence of the New America that stands like a rock against the forces of anarchy, and reaches out to embrace us all. I am proud to count myself among the Colonel's friends, indeed his only one, and hope and trust that you will appreciate "Blitzie" in the way that I have already come to.
Here is the Colonel's first public offering, issued in March 2002:-
Well, at last we've got the government we deserve — real patriots, a real reg'lar bunch of guys. What a contrast with that commie-loving Clinton! If his policies had been as stand-erect as his socializing, we wouldn't have had this god-almighty mess to clean up. But our boys can handle it! When those arab kikes hit us, boy, they sure didn't know what they were dealing with.The Democrats, that mob on Capitol Hill, they're a bunch of liberal commie faggots. I mean, hell, we pay their taxes and all they do is interfere with our Democracy. They're just itching to hold up the new military budget now, you can see that. My God, this is Homeland Defense we're talking about! A fair day's pay for a fair day's work! Do they think the army's here for their benefit?
I sure don't approve of no loner freak going about spreading disease. No Sir! Anthrax's dangerous. But, let's face it, he could've picked worse targets.
Ariel Sharon? He's a pretty reg'lar kinda guy — for a kike. Hell, you don't want no limp-wrist liberal dealing with those commie arab terrorists! I got my doubts he's tough enough to finish the job, though.
I'm sure one of our own boys can stand in if needed. Say, Rudy, you're not doing anything now, are you?
[This of course refers to Rudolph Giuliani, the zero-tolerance hero of New York.]I'm for education, reading and writing, that kinda stuff. Heck, you gotta match the commies at their own game! Education is all right in its place. But no way am I gonna let it interfere with a soldier's learning. Not in my command! Our boys' lives depend on knowing how to kill the enemy.
You daffodils don't know you're born these days. In my old platoon they used to make us run, in full kit, barefoot over broken glass and across the backs of alligators for fifty miles, the whole time blasting us with Jerry Springer recordings from loudspeaker boats. You had to be tough to fight those commie Vietcong!
It's a gross injustice, military tribunals being used against non-citizens. They should be applied to US citizens too. Equality before the law, that's the American Way.
The Muslims and that Al Kayeeda faggot, they just don't get the American Way. They want their own race to dominate the rest of the world. Equal rights for all peoples, that's the creed we live by! It applies every bit as much to spics, niggers, kikes and gooks.
Well, we're gonna take Iraq, and it ain't a minute too soon! For ten years those commie yid faggots have been thumbing their noses at us, strutting about in their filthy loincloths, and bombarding us with aids. Whadd've those Pentagon daffodils been stalling for, for chrissakes?
Yeah, but I'll tell you who we really oughta be targeting. Those liberal commie faggots on Capitol Hill.
Anthrax, hell! We'll drop a daisy-cutter on them!
The Democrats breathed a sigh of relief when they lost the Congressional elections in November 2002, thus no doubt saving them from Blitzification. As for the Congressional Republicans, the Colonel will tolerate them "on sufferance", as he says, so we'll wait and see.
Webmaster: Freeman © the author 2002
You can bear more?
Col. Blitzenburger's Year of Terror
(Sept. 2002)Col. Blitzenburger's Reconstruction Crusade
(May 2003)Col. Blitzenburger to Head WMD Search
(Oct. 2003)