Comrades! The Evil Axis Has Poisoned Our Food Supplies!

The Iranian warmongers, in conjunction with the fascist hordes of Osama bin Laden, have infiltrated our food supplies with the lethal toxin Red Sudan 1. This substance, in even the smallest quantities, will cause a lingering and agonizing death.

In a further evil plot, their collaborators in the Orient have unleashed chickenshit flu on the peoples of Eastasia. The virus has a fatality rate of at least 100 percent.

The running dogs of the Evil Axis seek to annihilate the battalions of our brave proletariat, and thus to prepare the way for an invasion of our Socialist Heartland.

Comrades! Be of good heart! Our Mighty Leaders have ready-in-hand a Master Counter-Plan to defeat these nefarious conspiracies and throw the Enemy back into his dark and sandy lairs.

Be alert, aware, and on the lookout! And always remember. Here in Washington, in the White House, sits our Noble Leader Comrade Bush. No turkey can unman him, no pretzel lay him low. Let us take courage from his example and, facing forwards, march back-to-back to world victory.

May our World Revolution be victorious, now and always!! Long live the Corporate States of America!!! And our fraternal allies of Airstrip One too.