"Now, I gotta confess dat not all mah bitches are the top-quality end of the market...dat's what a portfolio IS...all types.  Here's the section for you 'Happy Shopper' types out there.  Shee-it, dey do the job, just don' smell so good.  In fact, they's a bit skanky, but if you pays peanuts, you get..."

"NO!  I saw her first!"

Name : Sharon Age : 7 Most likely to say : "Tin of 'Mr Dog' please.  Can I put it on the slate...and would you open it for me?"

Details : The signs of addiction are there for all to see; the straggly hair, the weight loss and the scabs around the nose.  Sharon was introduced to 'Mr Dog,' the premium-rate pet food at an early age, but when her elderly owner dies she was forced to take to the streets in order to satisfy her terrible cravings for the pieces of prime steak in jelly.  Despite her drug of choice being full of nutrients to ensure bright eyes and a shiny coat, the ordeals Sharon endures to afford the cost of a single tin take their toll on her health.  A lesser dog might turn up paws and die, but she battles on, never thinking past her next tin and wishing she had opposable thumbs so that she might open the ring-pull herself.

Name : Lupin  Age : 3  Most likely to say : "Er.."

Details : A shocking head brain disease as a pup left Lupin severely undeveloped in the mental field and has led to her being one of the busiest, yet poorest Whoredogs.  Unfortunately, Lupin only has a three-second memory and she can be easily duped by unscrupulous customers, who merely have to insist that they 'haven't started yet' (when in fact the transaction is completed) or that they have already paid for her services upfront.  Lupin has no faculty for argument, since that part of her brain fell from her ear in 1999.  She lost her life savings this year when a Weimariner demanded his change from a $50 note.  He hadn't paid.

Name : Germaine Age : "None of your business."   Most likely to say : "I am NOT Sinead O'Connor!"

Details : She may be tiny, but Germaine has attracted more than her fair share of controversy of late.  Firstly she was blamed for introducing the 'waif look' that had the ladies pushing away their dishes in their thousands, then she made her now-infamous "I may be small but no man can satisfy ME" statement.  Her whoring career was interrupted by an outraged Irish Wolfhound who introduced her to eleven stitches in her trout.  Undaunted, she insistes she will "Heal but never heel," and will continue to do doggy for many years to come.

I want to go back to   'Whoredogs,' please

No, I want MORE    'Just Bitches'!