ourstoryV


	Sara didn't have any money so I loaned her some. We went on ahead and Sara was going to ride down with my other sisters Jenny and Lisa. Lisa was going to bring her toddlers so I suggested to Sara to leave Lexi at home because of the cramped travel conditions. She did. The week we were there was something else. I had no idea what it took to make arrangements for a funeral. Mary didn't either. We made it through it though. While there we closed up mom's apartment and storage unit and any affairs that we could help with. Sara kept in contact with Lexi the whole time we were there. I spoke to her on the phone. dale and his parents said that Lexi was doing fine. Sara missed her alot. We returned home on friday. Patty went to work and I took care of everyone's things we brought back. Our first stop was at Sara's. We unloaded her things and headed for dale's parents to get Lexi. When we got there Lexi was sleeping. I went in to her bedroom and before I had achance to say anything, she turned her head and looked up at me. She threw up her arms and I picked her up. I walked out into the living room and Lexi went to mommy. dale's parents said that Lexi was sick. While I was there she seemed kind of out of it. I didn't stay very long as we still had to finish unloading the U-haul at my sisters. I told Sara I would stop over before the weekend was over. This was something I didn't do and I now regret. It was the last time I held my "sweetie girl", alive. I ended working on the yard and such over the weekend. I went back to work on Monday. Monday night I went fishing and I got home about 10pm. I had just got to sleep when the phone rang. Sara was so hysterical, I could only make out bits and pieces of what she was saying. Lexi's heart wasn't beating and she wasn't breathing. One of the paramedics got on the phone with me and told me that they were performing cpr and that I should meet them at the hospital.I could tell from his voice things were not good. I was dressed and out the door. I don't know how to explain it but, from the moment I recieved the phone call, I knew Lexi was no longer with us. When I arrived at the hospital my fears were becoming more and more confirmed. Sara and dale were out in the lobby. I could see into the ER and no one was rushing around. No one would make eye contact with us. Sara looked so confussed and lost. Patty and Andy arrived and she could tell from looking at my face I was scared. Shortly after that a nurse came out and asked us to go with him to the chapel. Everything became so sureal after that. I can't explain everyones feelings at that point, but I am sure that they were pretty much the same as mine. Shock, disbelief, heartbreak, and devestation. Some of the events are pretty cloudy but I remember the doctor coming in and telling us that Lexi was gone. They didn't have a cause and that there would be an autopsy. Sara was put into a wheelchair and shortly there after she was put into a bed and taken care of by the ER staff. Sara's mom and sister arrived as well as Lexi's father. I tried to be strong and comfort my baby girl. I didn't cry I just felt like I was floating around. I asked questions and talked to the ER staff. I asked if I could see Lexi. They allowed me to. When I went in she looked like she was sleeping I carressed her face and held her hand. I put my pinkie into Lexi's tiny little hand much like I did when she was born. I talked to her telling her that I wished she would wake up and that I loved her so much. I picked her up and held her in my arms and continued to talk with her. I told Lexi of all the plans I had for the future with her and that i was going to miss her very much. I adored my "Sweetie Girl", I told Lexi I would have traded my life for hers. At that point I so wanted to die. I didn't want to let go, I wanted to hold her forever. I don't know all that happened after that. I know Sara went in and held and had her time with Lexi. And I brought Sara home with me. dale came along. Please forgive me if my time lines over the next few days aren't the best but I will try. At home everything again was sureal. It was like everyone was in a daze. We hugged each other and lots of people were in and out. I was confussed about Lexi's cause of death and deep in the pit of my stomach I knew something was not right. I was in contact with the coroner waiting to make funeral arrangements and I wanted to know what happened. The coroner told me besides two little bruises Lexi had nothing on the outside that would indicate any thing that would cause her to die. Obviously Sara wasn't doing well, she didn't sleep and she was throwing up all the time and didn't eat. Freinds and family who stopped in were very compassionate, dale was quiet and reserved. As I look back at things, besides trying to comfort Sara he stayed to himself. I think about two days after Lexi's death I got a call from the coroner. They had released Lexi's body. All he would tell me was that Lexi's death was suspicious. That afternoon, dale and his dad went to dale's trailer to pick up some clothes. When they came back dale's dad asked me to come outside. He told me the state police had left a seach warrent and handed me a bussiness card from a detective. I told everyone that they were not to say a word of this to Sara. She was dealing with so much already, I didn't want to make her deal with more until we knew what was actually going on. I called the detective and told him he could come out. When he arrived him and I walked out into the front yard and spoke. It was then I found out Lexi's neck had been broken and that dale was under suspicion. Now everything was getting more bizarre. He came in and interviewed Sara. Then they asked dale to go to the station with them. They were gone for about four hours. When dale returned he was very upset and he told me the same thing that the detective did, that they thought that he had killed Lexi. At this point I gave Sara information as I felt was necessary. I wanted to shield her from the world. The hardest thing I have ever done in my life, what seemed to me, was to try to be positive and strong for Sara and yet give her news of Lexi's cause of death and the investigation. Equally as tough was taking care of the funeral arrangements. I am not complaining, but I ended up doing it all. Sara's mom went with me one day to help and she broke down and couldn't do anything. Everyone else was out of it . I talked with Sara as to anything she wanted. She chose an outfit that she had bought Lexi for Christmas. My father gave us a cemetary plot. near ours. The funeral was as good as I could do. Lexi was so beautiful. I did away with the conventional organ music and put together a tape with songs that were more contemporary. Songs that I wanted as well as Sara and Jessie (Lexi's father) wanted. Again I don't remember everything but yet I remember it all. The most important memory was when we went to the funeral home prior to the funeral. Sara wanted to hold Lexi one lsat time. It broke my heart to sit by Sara's side and watch as she said her goodbyes to her sweet little Lexi. My heart not only was being ripped apart from my own sadness but I had to watch as Sara's world (Lexi) be jerked from her as well. I had been with Sara from the beginning and now we were going through the end. It's now been six months since Lexi passed away. At first I thought things would get better with time. Maybe it will. I don't feel it. Sometimes I think it is harder now. I have pictures of Lexi everywhere. I know that she will always be in my heart as well as my thoughts. I just recently put her yard toys away and I stood in the yard and could actually see us playing and and having fun. My memories will always be vivid. Lexi was my "SWEETIE GIRL" and always will be. I LOVE YOU LITTLE GIRL! continued......