My journey began 46 years ago when at the age 4 of my mother dressed me in a piece of her lingerie.
Little did she realize that she had opened up an entire New World for me. One that I was to explore for the rest of my life.
For some unexplainable reason I felt something click inside me and knew that this was a very special moment in my life.
For the rest of my childhood, I would dress in her lingerie at every chance when home alone. While wearing her clothes
I felt a wholeness within me that I could never feel dressed in male clothing. In elementary school and at home my free time
was spent playing with the girls. I have always felt more comfortable in the company of females.
As I became a teenager my feelings on feminization increased. I began to find I was spending more
time fantasizing about my body being that of a girl instead of a boy. Many nights were spent in tears praying to wake up
the next morning with the body of a female. Around the age of 14 I began to purchase my own female clothing, it consisted of
panties and other pieces of lingerie. This provided a release of some degree as I could dress at night in bed, feeling
feminine for short periods of time. I always felt comfortable with my dressing, as it seemed natural; I accepted it as
normal for me. Occasionally I would find my clothes missing and would search my mother's dresser. Sure enough they would be
there all washed and folded neatly. I would repossess my lingerie and put it back where I thought it had been safely hidden.
It always amazed me that she never questioned me about her finds. During my teenage years there were the occasional news
items about some famous person having a sex change in Sweden. This just made it all the more frustrating as I realized
I would never be rich or famous and able to fulfil my dream. Dressing feminine as often as possible was my only outlet
to relieve this inner pressure.
At the age of 19 a very special lady entered my life. (I believe for each of us there is someone we
are meant to spend our lives with) Brenda was my special someone. We dated for sometime before I gathered the courage to
tell her about my "idiosyncrasy". Brenda surprised me by being very understanding and accepting my needs. After finding
out she would accept my wearing of lingerie I asked her to marry me. Early in our marriage we were blessed with a beautiful
baby girl. She has spent her entire life seeing me dressed more as a female than she did as a male. She seems to have
accepted this behavior, as she has never questioned either of us about it.
Numerous times during our marriage Brenda and I talked about my dreams of a sex change. It was an
unattainable dream but one that would never go away. With time the need to go further than x-dressing increased. I began
buying street clothes and wanting to go out in public. Brenda was not as enthusiastic about this turn of events. Dressing
at home was not the same as outings in public. In 1980 I began communicating with a TV in Seattle whose ad I had seen in
a Transvestite magazine. We discussed getting together at his home in Seattle and a date was set. It was the most
incredible two days of my life as Lori spent the entire time as herself. After that weekend life would never be the same
for either of us.
I had always described myself as a Transvestite as this was the only description I had ever seen of
someone dressing as a female. After that weekend I realized that my friends reasons for dressing were far different from
mine. After much discussion with Brenda, I was able to get her to agree to go out with me dressed as a female, to the gay
clubs with a couple of gay friends on the occasional weekend. Again this helped to partially fulfill my needs. Many times
over the years I discussed the possibility of going on female hormones with our doctor but never followed through with
these inquiries.
With the advent of the Internet a whole new avenue of information became available. Through chat
channels and websites I discovered who and what I truly was. I discovered the world of the Transsexual and that I was not
the only one dealing with this medical condition. I also discovered that it was possible to go on a hormone replacement
program and what it really meant to my body and mind. Like most Transsexuals I felt I could control my inner needs and
spend my life as a male at work and as Lori the rest of the time. Unfortunately I had a very bad emotional shock in the
spring of 1999. I tried to bury Lori for four months and it almost buried me. In August of 1999 I made the decision I
could not continue with things the way they were and made an appointment with my doctor so he could make an appointment for
a psychiatric assessment. The night before my Doctors appointment I had just finished doing the
COGIATI TEST and was reading the results. (I had a reasonably high
score and it recommended the course of action I was taking). Brenda came into the room and read the results over my
shoulder. After reading the results she wanted to know what I planned on doing. I explained about my doctor's appointment
the next day and that if diagnosed as Transsexual I would go on to HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) and eventually GRS
(Genital Reassignment Surgery). (I had planned on being evaluated before discussing it all with Brenda.) Needless to say
she was not happy with my response to her question. As she left the room she stated "She wanted a husband and not a girl
friend". I asked her what she was going to do and her reply was "she had to think about it". I was devastated and the
tears were flowing freely as I didn't know if in the next few minutes, the person I loved most in the world would still be
with me. About a half-hour later Brenda came back in the room and said she had thought about it and she would stay and see
how things worked out. Needless to say I was ecstatic.
My doctor has a number of Transsexual and gay patients he is very gender friendly. He made an appointment with a psychiatrist he uses for his G. I . D. Patients for a week later and I was on my way to completion. The following days Brenda and I spent a lot of time talking. Most of the talking was done by me as I described how the last few months of burying Lori had affected me and that I finally had no choice but to go this route. (I did not tell her about the number of times suicide had entered my mind.)
I saw my psychiatrist on Sept 9, 1999 at 8:00 am. I was dressed in my nicest, blazer, blouse and skirt.
Brenda helped me with my makeup and hair as she knew how important this was to me that I appear at my best. By this
time we were both anxious as to how the interview would go. When the psychiatrist came out to invite me into his office he
did a double take as I stood up an introduced myself. (At the time I didn't know if this was a good or bad thing.) We spent
the next 1 1/2 hours with me describing my life from my earliest memories. At times he would stop me and ask specific
questions to clarify things I had said. At the end of the appointment I asked him what his diagnosis was to this point and
he stated "he thought I was the most well adjusted Transsexual he had ever seen. That he would recommend that I begin H.R.T.
as soon as possible and would send my Doctor a copy of his recommendations". September 21, 1999 I had an appointment with
an Endocrinologist that was very well known for her Hormone Replacement Treatments of Transsexuals. After an interview she
felt comfortable putting me on her HRT program. I left her office in tears, with my prescription in my pocket; finally my
life long dream was really beginning. Also at this time I met a special lady named Gail Dolyn who was also to be big part of my transition. Gail owns Inspirations Electrolysis and has been a wonderful friend as well as my electrologist. We have shared my transition and surgery as well as my electrolysis.
In October my doctor sent a request for an appointment to the Center For Sexuality, Gender Identity and
Reproductive Health". This is the only Medical Center that our provincial medical plan will recognize for recommendation
for the payment of the costs of GRS. I won't go into the details of what a disaster dealing with the Gender Clinic turned
into. (At this moment legal action is being looked into.) The first week of December Brenda and I spent in Manzanillo,
Mexico. What there was of my male clothing was left at home except for my bathing suit. This was Brenda's and mine last trip
with me as a "pseudo-male". It was a wonderful week away from all pressures, where the 2 of us could just enjoy being
together. I could start to feel changes beginning in my breasts as they became very tender to touch while we were away.
Christmas was a joyous holiday as it was my first Christmas celebrated totally as "Lori". We attended Christmas Eve church
services as 2 women and had numerous people introduce themselves and wish us a Merry Christmas. For the first time in my life
all my presents under the tree were feminine in nature. (It's amazing how Santa knows these things!!!)
My transition at work was made very easy by 2 managers at Telus. In mid-October Wayne Picyk (Director of
Field Operations) was advised as to what I was doing and was very understanding in what I was going through. He was very
supportive and made subtle inquiries to the Human Rights Coordinator Donna Inaba but did not mention me by name. He explained
what would be happening and asked what the company policy was. Needless to say I was the first "TS" out of the company closet.
Donna had no idea as to policy or how to deal with my transition and asked if Wayne would talk to his employee for suggestions
as to who would be a good source of information for a transition program. In late January 2000, I was introduced to
Stephanie Castle Heal and asked her if she would work with Telus in putting together a transition program for me. She agreed
and the first week in April was decided upon as my transition date.
In mid March (2000) we wrote to Dr. Brassard about a possible SRS date in October. Two were available and
we chose October 3rd as the day for my surgery. With a deposit mailed in and a confirmation from the clinic we could now
enjoy the summer with no worries or thoughts about a surgery date. Brenda was incredibly supportive and encouraging in the
booking of my surgery. Transition at work was made very easy as Telus and the Telecommunications Union was very supportive of
my actions and was very emphatic that no harassment would be tolerated. We are very lucky living in Canada as we have fairly
good human rights and sexual harassment laws in place. Needless to say there were some people who had a real problem with
my transition but to date no one has spoken to me about it or have I had any had any harassment problems. I have found that
most of my support has come from the female employees, probably because they do not have "male egos" they feel they have to
protect. Upon transitioning, my B.C. driver's license was amended to reflect the change in my gender and I had my name
legally changed. In B.C., upon request, the motor vehicle branch will backdate your legal name change back to your original
driver's license so there is no reference to your previous name or gender.
The spring and summer went quickly with Brenda and I attending Corvette events and planning our trip to
Montreal. We added an extra week to our stay after being discharged from the residence on Yale Island, as I wanted to be well
healed before our flight home. (A friend had torn stitches on her flight home when the plane encountered turbulence). We
made reservations for Brenda at the "Gite du Marigot" (a beautiful
bed & breakfast in Laval) for her stay while I was recovering from my surgery in the clinic. (It's a quick 9-minute ride by
taxi or a 40-minute walk to the clinic.)
The highlight of the summer for us was attending the Western Canada Corvette Convention in Vancouver, B.C.
In May it had been announced to most of the Clubs in Western Canada about my transition. The response from the members
attending the Convention was in most part very supportive. There was one woman who was very upset that I would
be racing in the woman's class rather than with the men. It was a great weekend for us as our 1980 Vette took 1st Place in
the Show N Shine for her class and I took a 2nd Place in Ladies Stock 1 Slalom. The highlight for me was walking up to the
podium with Brenda to accept my awards for the events. Many of the participants congratulated us on how well we had done and
no one mentioned the changes in my appearance.
The highlight for September was our "Whack Willie" or "Willie Becomes Her" Barbecue. We had 16 friends who
attended our Montreal Pre-Surgery Party. The weather was great and everyone had a good time. Needless to say there were many
fun gifts and cards. (Best friends from Prince George sent down a mini coffin for "Willie" to rest in.) It's a wonderful
feeling knowing we have so much support from our friends and family. Not everyone we know was accepting of my changes, we
have lost a couple of acquaintances but with their attitudes it was not much of a loss.
The flight to Montreal had a little bit of excitement as on take off from Vancouver we were informed one
of the landing gear would not go up. After a couple of attempts it went up and we were off to Montreal. Arriving in Montreal
we were picked up at the airport by Mr. Clarke's limousine service. Arriving at the Yale Island Residence was an experience
in beauty. You have to cross and old concrete, single lane bridge and there in front of you in the most beautiful mansion
and grounds. Pictures do not do the Residence justice in its beauty. We arrived at dinner time and were treated to a wonderful
meal. Brenda stayed with me at the residence the whole time we were there. The staff has an incredible attitude in their
sensitivity and care of you and your loved ones. The feelings of "being home" were with us the whole time. On Monday, Brenda
and I spent the day exploring St. Eustace (The township where the residence is located). It was fun remembering high school
French and interpreting the numerous signs. Monday night we were taken to the clinic where we first met Dr. Brassard. There
are no words I can use to describe this gentle man that would do him justice. The moment we met I felt totally at ease with
what lay ahead with my surgery. I was admitted to the clinic and he went over the details of the surgery. All the things that
could possibly go wrong were described, yet I still felt totally confident in Dr. Brassard and had no reservations
concerning my surgery the next day. My surgery was scheduled for noon and I was to be the last one of the day for Dr. Brassard.
One of the things I wanted to discuss was the management of my pain medication after the surgery. He was very receptive to
me controlling the amount of drugs I needed. (I wanted as little morphine used as possible.) Brenda took a taxi to the
"Gite du Marigot" around 9 pm and I settled in for the night. I was
offered a sleeping pill and accepted it. (This was a mistake as all it did was upset my stomach). Brenda arrived around 10
the next morning and described her evening, the B & B and how great Chantal (the owner) was. The taxi tried to increase his
bill by taking a very long route to the B&B but Brenda was paying attention and refused to pay the inflated bill. (A call to
the Taxi Company corrected this error and the rest of her trips were quick and reasonably priced. (Averaging about $ 8.00 -
$ 9.00.) I was wheeled up for my surgery at 11:45 am with hugs and kisses from Brenda and returned to her at about 4:30 in
the afternoon. There are blank spaces of that evening but Brenda said I was bright and alert when I returned.
The was no pain from the surgery, but I was uncomfortable from the catheter and the weight of the ice packs
that are placed over the surgical
area for 24 hrs. I was allowed to control my pain medication and used minimal dosages over the night (Two injections of 1/2
dosages and 1 full dosage in the middle of the night to make sleeping more comfortable.) The nurses come in every half-hour
to check on your vitals during the night. Wednesday morning was the most incredible day of my life. I had no pain from the
surgery, and was glowing from within. I was finally a complete woman physically. Dr. Brassard stopped in at 6 am, looking
very handsome. (Yes it's true we all fall in love with our doctors and that included Brenda). Brenda arrived around 10 am to
describe her breakfast of apple crepes and numerous other goodies. (Toast, dry cereal and juice are your first meal as a new
woman or man). Brenda described me as glowing when she entered the room and all that have seen my picture taken that morning
agree. The staff at the clinic were the most caring that I have ever seen, their concern for your comfort and well being
makes your stay even more special. The day after surgery is spent in bed, with very limited movement. The second day after
surgery we are allowed up to walk and at 6 am I was ready to go, unfortunately the nurses wouldn't allow me out of bed until
after breakfast. Immediately after breakfast I was out of bed and walking the hallway of the clinic. I had no pain and was
walking totally normal, the nurses looked in shock as they asked me if I had any pain at all and I answered no. I did about
10 laps around the nursing station and laid back down for a bit. I did this a few more times before Brenda arrived. After
lunch, Brenda and I left the clinic and took a walk up to the park along the river. Again the nurses were somewhat shocked by
my lack of pain or discomfort. Friday morning is shower day as Dr. Brassard would be removing the dressing over the surgical
area and wetting down with a shower made it much easier to remove. In the afternoon we would be going back to the residence
to continue our recovery for the next 6 days.
The return to the residence was very emotional as the moment we crossed the bridge it felt like we had
returned home. The staff was waiting for us; hugs and kisses were exchanged as we entered the front hall. Brenda and I were
shown our new room, which was at the front of the house on the ground floor. The room was huge and beautifully decorated.
Everything was laid out for doing my daily dilations, Monday morning the packing and catheter would be removed. Brenda and I
took a walk off the island up to the corner store. I was feeling great and Dr. Brassard's words of "Don't overdo it" were
forgotten as we went for a very long walk Friday night. I paid for this excursion over the next couple of days as I had some
blood in my urine from irritation from the catheter and all the walking. This scared me enough to quiet down my activities
for the next couple of days. We celebrated a very special Thanksgiving that weekend as I had much to be thankful for. We had
2 new girls at the residence that had flown in for their surgery the following week with Dr. Brassard. I became very close
to the staff over the next week, as I spent time sitting and chatting with them during the day and sometimes late into the night. The love and care that the staff
shows the people staying at the residence is something that will stay with Brenda and me for the rest of our lives. The time
spent with these special people made recovery from my surgery a truly remarkable experience. Dr. Brassard arrived
Thanksgiving Day to remove the sutures holding the vaginal packing and catheter in. This would be my first day of dilations,
which was a bit of a scary proposition. Dr. Brassard stayed for an additional couple of hours and chatted with all of us
about any concerns and questions we had, he described his beautiful family and told us about his career. Once in a lifetime
we may be lucky enough to meet a special person who leaves a lasting impression that will stay with you forever, Dr. Brassard
had that effect on Brenda and myself. His confidant, quiet way of dealing with patients and family members instills the
greatest trust.
With the removal of the vaginal packing I was able to begin dilating that day. Dilating is an activity,
which is required for many months after surgery and may become an activity for the rest of a post-ops life. For the next 4 days,
I was required to dilate 4 times a day. After leaving the residence the frequency is dropped to three time a day.
The next 2 1/2 days were spent, eating, dilating, walking around Yale Island and the Streets of St. Eustace.
Thursday morning was very emotional for Brenda the staff and myself. A lot of tears were shed as we said our good byes and
we loaded our suitcases in the taxi. For 8 days the residence and staff had been our home and family. As we drove over the
bridge we knew this had been an experience of a lifetime for both of us. For the rest of our lives we will always have
wonderful memories and thoughts of all those who had touched our hearts.
Brenda and I had arranged to stay in Montreal for an additional six days at
the "Gite du Marigot". We had wanted to make sure everything was well on its
way to healing before flying home. Chantal has a beautiful bedroom downstairs with a Jacuzzi tub that we had booked for the
remainder of our stay. Montreal is a beautiful city in the fall. The colors of the maples are totally different from what we
experience on the West Coast. The reds and oranges are brilliant and the view from Mount Royale gives a kaleidoscope of
colors as you look out over the city. Over the next six days we visited numerous restaurants, tourist sights and driving
around the city. Mr. Clarke picked us up at the B & B, took us out to Dorval Airport and we had a very comfortable flight
home.
With the physical type of work associated with my employment my doctor had me take the next 2 months off on
medical leave until all the internal healing was completed. My first Christmas as a complete woman was truly memorable. Our
friend Gail spent Christmas with us and made the holiday even more joyous. Brenda and I left for Manzanillo, Mexico January
16, 2001 and spent 2 weeks at an ocean side condominium. This was our first trip out of Canada since my GRS. Clearing customs went
smoothly without a second glance from the Mexican Authorities. Walking the beach in a two piece bathing suit was an incredible
feeling of being a complete woman. We made friends with the other Canadians staying at the site with none of them questioning
my gender. For both of us it was a very enjoyable two weeks in the sun, walking swimming and shopping. (The flea markets
have some beautiful silver jewelry and lingerie.) Coming home through Canadian Customs was again uneventful.
Unfortunately one of the side affects of GRS may be granular tissue developing. In my case a little formed inside my vagina and my doctor did not feel comfortable treating it so recommended I find a gynecologist that would treat a woman with my background. (In Victoria all the gynecologists are bigoted men and I had no intention of one of them looking after this problem. With many phone calls I was able to find two female gynecologists in Duncan. (About a 50-minute drive from our home.) I made an appointment with Sheri Hancock who was fairly new and accepting patients. A few days later I was in her office and she was examining me. I was her first male to female patient but she had done some hysterectomies on female to males in Vancouver and was very comfortable with myself and my background. I assumed the position and discovered the joys of a female internal exam. (There aren't any!!!) The treatment for granular tissue is to apply silver nitrate to the area to destroy the tissue with the hope that proper tissue will grow back in the area. Sheri discovered a few small areas and treated them all. (For those who have never experienced the thrill of silver nitrate, it literally burns the tissue, which hurts and leaves lovely black stains in your panties if you do not wear a pad for a couple of days.) I asked Sheri for a professional opinion of the new genitalia and she seemed very impressed, noting that the vagina was a little more posterior than that of a genetic female and that only about 5% of the population would ever know I had not been born a woman. That 5% being doctors like herself who spend considerable time looking into this area of the body. Needless to say I was very pleased to hear that. Dilations have been restricted to a # 1 stent due to the pain and bleeding of the granular tissue, with the new treatment dilations were even more restricted to allow healing. To date all the areas of granular tissue have healed except one and it has been very resistant to the treatments. With my last appointment Sept. 20, 2001, it finally looks like we may be getting results.
Spring has been relatively quiet, life has been wonderful since the return from Montreal. We are planning a big barbeque
to celebrate my 51st birthday and Lori's first birthday as a complete woman. I have found that I have a real love for cooking so
have taken over most of the kitchen chores and love it. I have found a wonderful recipe site on the web and it's been an inspiration
for new culinary delights. (Much to Brenda's surprise she has found that I am actually a pretty good cook.)
We had our last litter of Boxers in March and had 3 beautiful baby girls, we lost a lovely little boy through
the c-section. With this litter we are going to close the kennel down as I have found I do not have the emotional energy to deal
with white pups or the possibility of loosing pups during whelping. I have found that there has been some minor side affects that
I was not prepared for from the hormones. (I have found that I have become more sensitive to situations around me than previously.)
We have also begun planning for my retirement, which we hope will be in 4 years from May 2001. We are hoping to spend 4-5 months a
year in Mexico returning to Canada for Spring, Summer & Fall.
My 51st birthday was wonderful, the weather was great and we had a houseful of wonderful friends to share my special
occasion. There were even a few unexpected out of town guests who showed up with Marcie (from Hawaii) and Beverly (from Alaska) coming
across from Port Angeles where they had been attending Esprite. It was a wonderful weekend shared with many dear friends.
In May an appointment was made for August 21, 2001 with Dr. Brassard for an appointment to have a minor cosmetic correction
to my labia's. We were very excited about the prospect of returning to Montreal and renewing all the friendships from our first trip.
We made reservations with Chantal for a weeks stay at her Bed & Breakfast and were lucky enough to get the same room we had after we
left the residence in October. Brenda's parents have also approached us about doing another trip to Manzanillo this winter. We looked
into it and found a low airfare with Alaska Airlines and a new condo to rent for 2 weeks. We will be leaving November 27 and returning
December 11. Of course with a new trip to Mexico new bathing suits are mandatory. One of the wonderful benefits of both Brenda and myself
being women is the fun of shopping together. We are able to share dressing rooms and the experiences within. I found a cute little 2 piece
in a size fourteen and Brenda found a beautiful one piece she liked. Another of the side effects of being a woman is the vanity that comes
with it and the desire to look as good as possible with what you have to work with. Dieting and exercising becomes a way of life trying
to loose inches and pounds. (Neither of which is very easy to maintain). But when you buy a new outfit that is a size smaller than last
time it is a wonderful feeling of achievement.
This summer was beautiful here in Victoria. Brenda and I spent most of our free time on our back deck lying in the sun. As I am a sun worshiper and love a tan, most of my time was spent in my 2 piece (and at times a bottom piece as we have total privacy). The trip to Montreal in August was like going home again. I boarded the plane with more excitement that last October when we flew back for my GRS. We looked forward to seeing everyone who had been such a big part of our lives for 2 1/2 weeks. As usual the airlines had messed up our reserved window seats and after voicing my disapproval strongly we were escorted to the Executive Class at the front of the plane where there were two spare window seats. Needless to say we voiced our appreciation and now know how the other half flies in comfort. (Sometimes being a bitch pays off.) Arriving in Montreal at 7:30 am on a Sunday the airport was kind of quiet. As we stood waiting for the bags I relived those same feelings that I had felt on our first trip. It was like going back to Oct 1 and having the limo driver standing behind us waiting for our bags. All the same feelings of anxiety and excitement were relived. It was an incredible feeling of deja vue, tears came to my eyes as I relived all those wonderful moments of a previous journey. When we went to pick up our rental car we found out that all the compacts were gone and we were asked if we would take a Pontiac Grand Prix at the same cost to which we happily agreed. The ride to Chantal's again brought back many memories as we passed sites we had seen previously and noted the turn off to the residence in St. Eustache. Pulling into the B&B was like returning home once more. Nothing had changed except the color of the maple trees. When we walked in the front door Chantal heard us and came running out wrapped in a towel as she was just finishing her shower. Hugs & kisses were exchanged. (Who ever coined the phrase you can never go home again has never stayed with Chantal and her husband Yvon.) Of course Denver was there to give us his usual welcome of a big lick. After changing freshening up we were off to the flea market in St. Eustace and then the residence to visit Suzy and Lisette. The flea market was exactly the same as last October and we quickly found our jewelry outlet and away we went! Brenda bought a nice tri-colored gold bracelet, with myself getting a new pair of studs and a solitaire pendant & pretty gold chain. Of course chains and such were purchased as gifts to bring home. As we were leaving the flea market we bought 8 cans of "Pure Quebec Maple Syrup" (a gallon) to share with friends and family.
Going back to the residence was like the experience I felt standing in the airport, all the memories came flooding back
like it was yesterday. Seeing the bridge and carefully crossing it, the residence sitting there in all it's splendor. This time everything was
green as opposed to all the fall colors last October. Again the feelings of coming home were exceedingly powerful. All my emotions felt like they
were ready to explode. (Here was the place I had begun my journey last October 1st and returning after surgery to their love and care. Lisette was busy in the kitchen and recognized us immediately. Hugs and kisses were exchanged and we filled her in on everything that
had happened since we had left. We met a few of the girls who were getting ready for surgery the coming week and met a couple who were recovering
from the previous week. No matter where you are from or what language you speak, when at the residence you all become family as you're all there
sharing the same experiences. For some the after effects of the surgery is much more painful than for others. As with my first trip to the
residence there were a few still in house coats and gently walking about in considerable discomfort and the occasional one who had a recovery
similar to mine who was up and getting around fine. We returned later that night to be greeted by Suzy (who works as night staff on the weekends).
This was really a wonderful reunion as Suzy was one of the very special people to me at the residence. (We shared a many late nights talking and sharing my dreams of the future.) Again we picked up where we had left off last October and once again Brenda and I told her of everything that had happened for the last 10 months. Suzy was one of the few staff that knew we would be there that week as I had talked to her on the phone a few times prior to us leaving Victoria.
We left the residence much later than planned, as we had to get to bed as we had been up for over 48 hours and were exhausted. On the drive back to Chantal's, Brenda and I discussed
all the memories that had been renewed and emotions were running very high for myself.
We woke up Monday with the rain pouring down. We had planned to visit the La Ronde (a large amusement park on the old Expo site), but
with the weather as such we did what all good women do under such circumstances "WE WENT SHOPPING". We also found Dr. Brassard's office so we would have
an idea how long it was from Chantal's as we had to be there at 7:45 the next morning for my touch up surgery. Dr. Brassard's office is located in a beautiful
old building on St. Joseph's Boul. It is beautiful inside and out, with all the old wood work and stain glass. Monday evening was spent quietly having dinner
and back to the B&B. Tuesday morning we were up early to another one of Chantal's wonderful breakfasts (Don't plan on loosing weight if you stay here). The
trip into Montreal was quick as we had very little traffic for a morning commute to downtown Montreal. Dr. Brassard looks wonderful anytime of day or night
whether in scrubs or a sports shirt and slacks. (Who says that patients and spouses don't fall in love with their doctors???) The procedure was rather simple
and he used a local anesthetic to freeze my genital area. He had not seen my problem before and was not sure as to why I had the 2 depressions except for possible
fat tissue in the area had atrophied. He moved some new fat tissue into the areas and hoped that it would be able to survive. An hour later, a couple of
pictures together and we were on our way. As the freezing came out there was little pain and with a suggestion from Chantal to visit the ski area of St. Saeveut
which is also a very large outlet center for a large number of brand name store chains? On the way north the check motor light came on in the rental car and when
we arrived I checked the oil and everything seemed ok. We had a great time shopping, I bought a beautiful Alia sweater and Brenda bought 3 pairs of Alia slacks
and really nice pair of $100.00 shoes for $ 10.00. (Women with small feet find such great deals on shoes....lol) On the way home we stopped at the Budget Car Rental
at Mirabel and they had another car we could exchange the Grand Am with. Again our misfortune turned into better luck as they gave us a 2001 Oldsmobile Alero. (This
car was even nicer than the Grand Am one.) The trip home was relatively quick as speed limits in Quebec seem to be ignored in general and 20 kms. over seems to
mean little to the drivers. Wednesday we spent shopping in numerous malls and discount stores as we had reservations for the dinner show "Du Rock a l'Opera" at the
Montreal Casino. The dinner was great and the show very enjoyable. We even managed to walk out of the Casino with $30.00 of the casino's money.
Thursday we traveled north to Quebec City, one of the jewels of Quebec and Canada. The Old City is like going back 200 years in time
and is truly breath taking as we explored the cobblestone streets and numerous stores in building built pre 1800. We found a beautiful Restaurant called the Ancient
Canadienne. The staff dress and the food is authentique 1800 Quebecois. For anyone visiting Quebec City the Restaurant is a must. (When we saw Dr. Brassard on Friday
he knew the restaurant well as it was not far from the hospital he had previously worked in.) The rest of the day was spent exploring the city and the return trip home.
The Quebec country side between Quebec City and Montreal is mostly farm lands and very rolling country side. Wednesday night was once again out to the residence to see
the staff (Margarette) this trip and the girls recovering from the previous week. Friday was back to Dr. Brassard for a final post-op check before our flight home Saturday.
Everything looked good from Tuesday’s procedure and we sat and chatted in his office for a few minutes. We discussed his pending waiting list of patients and how it must put
incredible pressure on him and Dr. Menard, with that many people depending on them and their staff. Dr. Brassard stated he averages approximately 120 Genital Reassignment
Surgeries a year and has a full schedule of other plastic surgery procedures he performs. He keeps a happy balance between his medical practice and family time even with his
heavy surgery schedule and numerous trips to the residence. During the conversation, Dr. Brassard's caring nature is always noticeable. With a hug, kiss and more pictures
we were off to the Old Port of Montreal. Walking along the St. Lawrence River on a sunny afternoon was a wonderfully romantic way to end our week in Montreal. Leaving Chantal
and her home was much harder this trip than the previous October. We had spent considerable time with her and her spouse chatting and sharing out experiences and once again that
family bond was there. With hugs, kisses and a few tears we promised we would be back some time in the future. We dropped our bags off at the airport and one last fling
at the Flea Market in St. Eustache. The flight home was uneventful and we sadly drove home late Saturday night as we reflected on the past weeks activities.
Fall was fairly quiet for us as we prepared for our 2 week trip to Santiago, Mexico. We were leaving Nov 27 and coming home on our 30th wedding anniversary
Dec. 11. This trip will be different in that for the first time other people will be traveling and sharing our condo with us. Brenda's parents would be taking their first trip
to Mexico and would be spending the next two weeks with us. The flight down was broken up with a plane change in Los Angeles Airport. Our arrival at the Manzanillo was pleasantly
surprising as they were in the middle of renovating the terminal and we were no longer required to line up outside in the sun waiting to clear Mexican Customs. Once again Brenda
got the red light after picking up our luggage and we were required to have it checked. The temperature was in the high 80's and we soaked in the sunshine. As usual the cab ride
to the new condo rental was very expensive but unavoidable. Finding the new site was a bit tricky but knowing the main turnoff to the beach, it was just a matter of looking for
the tallest building. The new rental was everything we were led to expect. The location close (5 minute walk) to downtown Santiago and very comfortably furnished. Brenda's parents
were ecstatic with the site and fell in love with it instantly. Unpacking quickly and taking a few minutes to let Brenda's parents catch their breath we were off to the Mexicana
Commercial for groceries and a couple of pizza's for dinner. The bus ride gave Merv & Marge their first taste of the Mexican transportation system, needless to say they found it
a change from home. The weather as usual was beautiful, 91 during the day with a light breeze off the ocean, down to 75 at night. Our meals were mostly cooked in the condo, the sea
food is very reasonably priced in the market area of Santiago. There are 4 fish markets within a few feet of each other so selection and prices vary. A new shopping center (The Soriana)
had opened the week we arrived and it was a wonderful addition for selection and prices. The new store was loaded with everything imaginable and if we could have read and understood
Spanish it would have made shopping a little easier when asking about prices and quantity.
One of the most exciting things about this trip was I had lost a little more weight, but more important I had lost a few inches off my waist. I had bought 2 cute two-piece bathing suits and I loved the way I looked in them. Walking the beach and along the highway beside the beach was really uplifting for my feminine self esteem as men would look and honk as they saw me. (For any woman this can really make you feel good about yourself and your self image.) The two weeks in the condo in Santiago went by far too quickly. With Brenda's mom and dad accompanying us it was a different experience as all our previous trips had been just the two of us. (A side note here should be added in that in the beginning Brenda's dad and brother had a problem dealing with my changes. Brenda's mom has always been very accepting of the whole procedure or at least as far as we know she has been.) Brenda and I were both a little unsure how the two weeks would go with us sharing the same space, especially with me spending almost all my time in a 2 piece swim suit and having all my physical changes very obvious to all. As it happened we all enjoyed ourselves and everything went as smoothly as 2 couples sharing a condo can go. The trip home was a bit frantic as the plane was late leaving the Manzanillo Airport and we had to literally run to make the connection in Los Angeles. Arriving in Vancouver was to say the least depressing as it was cold and raining. (A normal December night in Vancouver.) The next day we returned to Victoria on the ferry, the trip was relaxing and the weather had improved. The biggest memory of the entire trip that has stayed with me though was the good bye that night between Brenda's dad and myself. As we were saying good bye he took me in his arms and hugged me, thanked me for a very special 2 weeks. This was the first time in the 30 years of Brenda's and my marriage that her dad had ever shown any sort of affection to me. Who says that people can not change and accept us for who we are? This was a beautiful ending to a wonderful 2 week holiday.
Unfortunately Brenda's father passed away few weeks after Christmas from the cancer he had be battling for the last couple of years. It was quiet, painless and Brenda's mom was with him when he passed. The funeral was the first time Brenda's Moms, family had met Lori in general all were friendly and warm (though probably somewhat unsure as to how to deal with me). The only really interesting event that happened in the next few months was the Canadian Broadcast Corporation asked Brenda and me to partake in a 1/2 hour interview on a 5 part series on Transsexualism on their national radio station. We were slated for the interview on a Thursday at the local CBC studio while the interviewer would be in Ontario. I was very surprised when Brenda consented to do the interview as up to this point she had be very private about my transition and this part of her life as no one at work had the slightest idea of what was happening in her life with reference to myself. The interview went well and both Brenda and I enjoyed participating in the series. The series was run over 5 days and CBC sent us transcripts of the entire 2 1/2 hours of the series. Friends and Acquaintances were very positive when they heard our segment and feedback to the CBC was also very positive about our interview. Dr. Johnson was still referring his patients who were looking for peer councilling to me and I was giving talks at the University to were for 3 - 4 years students in Social Welfare. I have continued to give these talks usually about twice a year till the time I retired from Telus and we moved to Mexico.
After the radio interview Brenda I started some sessions with Heather Carlini ( my therapist who had given me my second referral for GRS) in the hope of trying to have some sort of physical relationship. We both spent several sessions together and apart to try and see if there was someway Brenda would be able to deal physically with my female body. Hypnotism was also employed to try and deal with the situation. For a couple of months the therapy did help as we resumed a physical relationship. Unfortunately Brenda's heterosexual orientation slowly overcame her attempts to try to have some form of sexual relationship. We slowly returned to a non physical relationship. For me this is and was extremely difficult seeing as I have always been a very physical person in our relationship. As with previous years we had booked the condo in Santiago (Manzanillo, Mexico) for 2 weeks again and we were looking forward to getting away before Christmas. The trip to Mexico was its usual great time of relaxing in the sun, exploring the countryside and in general falling more in love with the people and the country. We returned to a Victorian winter and Christmas with Brenda's mom and Norma (pre-op in transition) sharing the Christmas celebrations with us. Norma was the one who looked after the Girls (dogs) and the house while we were off on our trips to Mexico. She was also one of the first girls I peer counselled and when she moved to Victoria joined the Transcend Support Group.
The New Year brought little in change in Brenda's and my life. We lived as 2 girlfriends sharing a bedroom. We loved each other but nothing physical ever passed between us. Many times over the past years since GRS and in future years I have wondered if it would not have been better for both of us if she had left me the night I had described what I was about to do. What both of us have given up in the physical and emotional relationship we shared pre-transition has been considerable. Brenda has chosen to live with a physically totally different person than she married. For her she feels she has had to begin a new relationship with a total stranger she didn't know. Even simple things like going for a drive she does not feel comfortable with me driving safely as she sees a different person behind the wheel. Though my hormones and surgeries have not changed my ability to drive she does not feel secure with Lori as she did with Lee. The same has occurred with our move to Mexico and my purchasing a 750 Honda motorcycle. As Lee I had Yamaha 1200 Venture Royale touring bike, she would fall asleep on the back of it when we were riding. With the Honda it has taken much discussion to get her on the back of it though the drivers are much more motorcycle conscious with the number of bikes here and considerably less traffic than Victoria. It is a constant reproving myself daily that Lori is as good as Lee. It feels like a losing battle as you're constantly fighting the ghost of someone Brenda loved who she has considered to have died. Even today in January 2006 she can not see anything of the person she originally married so many years ago.
TO BE CONTINUED
My transition was very easy compared to many other girls that I know. I have a loving spouse, wonderful
friends and an understanding employer who was totally supportive from the day I announced my intention to become complete.
Not all of the members in our community have these advantages. For many, this momentous decision costs them their families,
friends and employment. Education is our greatest tool to help everyone in the Transsexual Community. If through reading my
site we are able to make it easier for one member of our community or their family members it was worth all the work. Please
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