It’s hard to imagine for some people that just about anything can be a sexual turn-on. For others, it’s a natural part of our existence. From the wealthy business man that dresses in his Mistress’ panties and collar to clean her house to the woman that needs a good spanking, to sharing a toss with a forbidden lover in the good old missionary position -- sex runs our lives -- whether we want it to or not. So why not embrace it, and embrace that third side we’re all afraid to share with one another?
I’ll tell you why: most of us are taught from an early age that sex is somehow a bad thing. "Don’t touch that thing, you’ll go blind." Or how about, "You filthy little animal. Put your pants back on." I know one woman that was raised to believe that breast feeding her child was "barbaric and disgusting!" Amazing. Breast-feeding has nothing to do with sexuality. Or does it? In her mind it must. By instinct we are warm-blooded animals, by nurturing we become neurotic and afraid to recognize our basic needs, all in the name of progress.
Ask yourself: Do I dare share my desires, my real desires with my mate? Have you tried already, only to hit a brick wall? The latter question is what drives most of us to cheat on our lovers. Why? Because a need is just that – A NEED – and trying to ignore it or to "push it away" just makes it come back harder and faster, much like a horny ex-lover.
Instead of storing your fantasies away on your hard-drive, or running for the nearest, possibly illegal, "relief valve" try to share them with your mate. You may find that your other half has fantasies too, some you might think are hot, or others that are not, but at least it’s all in the open. What’s the worst that can happen?
The Best and the Worst
The best-case scenario is that your mate or lover will
be all for your fantasy, you’ll run off madly into the sack, nearest elevator,
back seat of the car, or sex-toy shop to get started on consummating your
life-long fantasy. Days will pass, and when you both (or all three, four
or whatever) emerge from the acts, you’ll realize that you’ve never been
happier. Cherubs will dance whimsically around your head shooting little
love darts and the smell of wet sex will live long into the night. OOOWWEEE
Baby!
And then there’s the worst-case. The blank stare from your mate, followed by the requisite, "You want to do what? You want me to wear what?" When this happens, it often signifies the beginning of the end for a relationship, no matter how strong the love is. Why? Because the desire/need was strong enough to share, and deserves the same attention, and more so, than buying a new appliance or car. But in reality, once we become uncomfortable with something, we often tend to discount, or invalidate it, thereby invalidating the feelings of the people who share their desires with us. In this instance, sharing a fantasy is a double-edge sword. One side of the sword is sharp, and can cut the ties that bind you emotionally; the other side leads to your sexual promise land.
Even Better
There are ways to ease the transition, and see if your
life partner is really there for life. In the next installment we address
this, along with some ideas that might help polarize your mate to your
kinky desires, or not.