The seX-Files
- A husband is paying $160.00 an hour to tie up a strange woman
- A wife is skipping off to the mall to meet her dominant lover
- A physician is dressing up in a diaper and wearing a pacifier
- A gruff, male boss is wearing woman's panties for his mistress
- The sight of a woman's naked foot causes an erection in your office
- A single thirty-second phone call causes a happily married person to leave immediately for a secret encounter
- And much more!
Turn-ons of the Month
But It Feels So Good - Part 2 (Click Here if You Missed Part 1)
So it's time! You have this nagging sexual fantasy that gets you wet or rock hard at the mere thought of it. The more you fantasize, the more you figure it will never happen. You begin to rationalize your mate will never go for it to the point that a professional escort is looking real good. But with the financial responsibilities of home, education and kids, the possible moral dilemna of hiring a professional, and the fact that you really LOVE your spouse and can't imagine sharing your fantasy with anyone else, there is only one alternative: share your fantasy with your loved one.
But... But...
In Part 1, we discussed the double-edged sword of sharing a fantasy, especially a kinky one. One edge of the sword leads to your sexual promise land - the other can sever the ties that bind you forever. Before diving in head-first, try to discover your spouse's baseline perspective on "kinky" as it relates to your fantasy. The term kinky covers everything from playing bondage games to having sexual relations with hamsters. The basic rule of thumb: if it's out there, someone's probably tried to screw it, massage it, tickle it, or stuff it (among other things). You can see that knowing where your spouse is coming from is a crucial first step.
The Passive-Aggressive Direct Approach
I find the "passive-aggressive direct approach" is the best option. Aside from being on oxymoron, this approach lets you bring up just about anything, so long as the approach is light-hearted and jovial. If you want to tie-up your spouse, put on a movie or TV show with some bondage and jokingly say, You better be good, or I'll have to tie you up like that!" Then wait for the response. Good or bad, it was just a joke, so the worst that can happen is a bad comeback. Your spouse may say, "I'll tie you up first" (getting warm), or "You couldn't find enough rope to restrain me" (paydirt) or look at you like you couldn't possibly be serious (Introduction to Conflict #1). At this point, at least it's out in the open.
What happens when your fantasy can't be found on TV or the movies? While explaining to someone you want to have sex with a hamster is difficult at best, there is a way: simply apply the law of similars. Find something similar, and use the same approach. If you're into small furry animals, try a pet shop ("Just look at them running through those habitrails honey, aren't they sexy?"), if you like abuse, visit the local gymnasium (physical abuse) or Catholic school (mental abuse). Then go to it.
Sometimes fantasies require baby-step-like conditioning. This applies to just about everything. For example, if you want to tie-up your spouse, it's not a good idea to pull out 200 feet of rope and a roll of duct tape for the first encounter. Consenting spouses want to enjoy the experience too, regardless of the fantasy. If you want to lick whipped cream off your spouse's body, start with a little area at a time - and watch the fat grams.
The Real Direct Approach
Is honesty the best policy in your house? If so, invite your mate to a romantic dinner and simply share your fantasy with them. You just may discover a common kink, or find a way to resolve the desire you have. The operative word here is resolve, becuase if you can't find common ground, the relationship will begin to break down.
I know a woman who is submissive by nature (and nurture), and shared her fantasies (to be tied, berated, controlled and spanked) with her husband. He acted like a card-carrying member of the Moral Majority and told her she was screwed up and needed help. Her fantasies never went away, but she did find help - in the form of a "forbidden" dominant lover. She hasn't stop smiling since. Here's the twist: it turns out her husband is also submissive, but his fear of losing his masculinity in front of his wife forced him to reach for false moral ground. If he was only honest, the two might be smiling together, instead of growing apart. In this instance, resolving conflicting fantasies by finding common ground is the only true path to your sexual promise land.
Enter Conflict #1
This also introduces the other side of the sword - the side that cuts emotional ties forever. I call this Conflict #1, because if you can't resolve it, every other conflict will eventually pale in comparison, and the relationship will end. In Part 3 we discuss options that can help rebound a relationship from Conflict #1, as well as other relief valves to help you retain your sanity in the process.
- The "kidnapper at large" role play fantasy. Talk with your mate beforehand concerning safety parameters like a safe word that stops the fantasy cold when used. Don't share too much though, surprise adds a level of realism that heightens the fantasy. Then use your imagination. Some favorites are: the salesman (or saleswoman). In this fantasy, the salesperson "comes" to your house, discovers the soon to be kidnapee is alone and vulnerable -- and goes to work. A little rope and a lot of teasing makes for a promising evening of pleasure for both parties. Another variation (my personal favorite) is for the kidapee to be the "bad" one, like a burglar or good cop gone bad. In this fantasy, the burglar breaks in, but is overpowered by the "man of the house." Bound and helpless, the burglar is at the mercy of the "homeowner." She certainly can't run to the police now, can she?
- Back to the past roleplay. Go ahead and (as a couple) dress up like the cheerleader/football player or stoners you were in high school. Borrow a friends van and go find Inspiration Point. Extra points for getting caught by a police officer -- and if you have the cahoneys, go for it on the fifty-yard line.
- Daddy's little girl. The number three fantasy for women everywhere -- pretending to be innocent, and taken by a "Daddy" figure. Great for either the "bad" girl that needs some punishing or for the "good" little girl that gets a reward. The rest is up to your imagination.
- Howdy stranger! Go out to a bar, preferably a divey kind of place and "pick up" your mate. But don't make it too easy -- play hard to get. Dance with some other people, tease each other. Then meet, and surprise the bar patrons with your voracity! Try to keep it legal, but the hotter the better. A variation of this is the pick-up and kidnap fantasy.