Sister Mary Katherine lived in
the monastery for 5 years before
the Priest said to her,"Sister
Mary Katherine, you have been
here for 5 years. You can speak
two words." Sister Mary Katherine
said, "Hard bed." "I'm sorry to
hear that,"the Priest said, "We
will get you a better bed."
After another 5 years,Sister Mary
Katherine was called by the
Priest. " You may say another two
words, Sister Mary Katherine.
"Cold food," said Sister Mary
Katherine, and the Priest assured
her that the food would be better
in the future.
On her 15th anniversary at the
monastery, the Priest again
called Sister Mary Katherine into
his office. "You may say two
words today." "I quit," said
Sister Mary Katherine. "It's
probably best", said the Priest,
"You've done **** all but moan
since you got here."
Two peanuts walk into a bar
One was a salted
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A jump-lead walks into a bar.
The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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A sandwich walks into a bar.
The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says:
"Pint please, and one for the road."
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A man goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman
comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to be?'
The man says "A premature ejaculation".
"What?" says the woman.
The man says, "I've just come in my pants."
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Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love get married.
The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant.
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Two cannibals are eating a clown.
One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
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Man with a strawberry stuck up his bum goes to the doc.
Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."
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"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home'."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
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Two cows standing next to each other in a field,
Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning."
"I don't believe you," said Dolly.
"It's true, straight up, no bull!"
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A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.
My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? "
"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy"
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find
any.
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I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. And he said, 'no, the steaks are
too
high.'
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My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.
He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off"
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I went to a seafood disco last week.... And pulled a muscle.
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A man walks into doctor's office.
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's... um... well... I have five penises." replies the man
"Blimey!" says the doctor, "How do your pants fit?"
"Like a glove."
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Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with
hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.
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What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh
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Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
One turns to the other and says, "dam"
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