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03 July 2004 |
Zamalek Youth Hostel, Cairo |
A wonderful Cake
Laura's reaction to the Elevator of Evil
Laura, a jig-saw genious at 21
Some of those darn Americans!
The Elevator of Evil looks benign enough...
Until it devours you whole!
These doors don't look like much, but they are the cause of many a bruise
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Well, this week has been rather full, in many, many ways I cannot get into here. But I will regal you with two stories.
Story number 1: Laura's birthday
Once upon a time in Egypt, there lived a community of American citizens who were studying at an American University, which happened to be located in an upper-class neighborhood in Cairo. These Americans living abroad attended classes with elite Egyptians who, for the most part, lived in posh neighborhoods themselves. One of these happened to be Zamalek, where our American students lived too.
This neighborhood had its fair share of rich Egyptians and rich foreigners and rich embassies. The workers in this community were used to seeing scandalous shirts that bared all - yes you guessed it, they showed that most risque of body parts, the bare shoulder - and guys sporting shorts showing the world their hairy shins! Many other Careens would have been shocked and appalled, but the workers of Zamalek just kept their comments under their breath and provided service worth its weight in tips and baksheesh.
One day the American Students wanted to be crafty and plan a surprise for their friend Laura, who would be turning 21 over the weekend (which is also the legal drinking age here - though that rule is more of a formality you could say). So on Thursday they went to the legendary AlfaMart (Home of a petite department store and grocery, one might compare it to a Meijers.) to pick up a grand chocolate cake. Unfortunately, these Americans were like most Americans - thoughtful, but well just not coordinated enough to pull off a birthday surprise. Marcy and Laura were headed into the legendary AlfaMart at the precise moment that the cake bearing Americans were headed out! "Umm... is that another cat?" Laura asked dubiously, referring to Carolyn's Khan el Khalilli purchase of the day before. "Sure!" The cake bearers said nervously before running away.
Slowly Laura began to put the pieces together, like a 3 piece jig-saw puzzle.
When she got back from the legendary AlfaMart, her fellow American Phillip IMed her about the "birthday dinner." Having solved this enigma, Laura kept the facts to her self. She pretended to be surprised as the cake was finally unveiled. It soon became apparent though that the jig had been up on this puzzle for quite a while.
Nonetheless, the chocolate cake was the best ever! It was not so much a cake, as it was simply layers upon delicious layers of mouthwatering chocolate. So the "surprise" was certainly worth it.
Story number 2: The Hungry Elevator
Once upon a time in a posh district of modern Cairo, there was a building, donated by the taxes of the generous (albeit unaware) American people. This building was the American University's Dormitory. It had separated areas for men and women, which were guarded by security personnel at all times. On the women's side, there lived a mean elevator. He hated the fact that he lived with the women and had to smell their perfume and body lotion, and listen to their incessant chatter- in English and Arabic.
So this elevator made it his life's work (on top of being an elevator) to harass the women. His favorite trick was biting the women. You see an innocent girl would push the button to go up, and sure enough the elevator would open, but as she was getting in he would slam his doors shut. He got so good at it that sometimes he didn't even open his doors up completely before he slammed them closed again. Sometimes women would struggle between the doors, forcing them open, but he made certain their elbows were always left bruised.
Once he even separated a duo. Marcy and Melissa were both going up one day, so they pushed the button, planning to ride together. But alas, the evil elevator had other ideas! Knowing full well the appetite of this elevator, the two were ready to jump in. Marcy made it in before the doors had opened completely and Melissa was just about to go for it, when the they slammed shut, separating the two. "I'll see you at 7:30!" Melissa yelled up as the elevator started its ascent. "Ok" Marcy yelled back.
The elevator hasn't stopped its rein of terror. Residents of the Dormitory even believe it is part of the "Axis of Evil," taking over Libya's spot since Khomeini decided to cooperate with Bush. What is next for this terror machine, who will stop it's power trip! This November, vote yes on amendment EL.V1.20R to stop this from happening in the future!
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