Bunda Joke
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Shit List
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Pick Up Lines
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Chris Rock Clips
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Voodoo Dick
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Identifying the Cells
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McGregor The...
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Vaseline
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Dilbert Panda Cartoon
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A Little Too Excited
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Optical Illusion
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No Ears
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Your dad must have been a baker, because you have a nice set of buns. I hope you know CPR because you took my breath away. If I could arrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. Just call me milk, I'll do your body good. Your name must be Visa, because you're everwhere I wanna be. You ask somebody can you borrow a quarter. They will probably be say why or no or okay. If they say no or okay then the joke fails. But if they say why, you say "Because my father told me to call him when I fell in love." I may not be the best looking guy here, but I am the only one talking to you. I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock. You be my Dairy Queen, I'll be your Burger King, you treat me right, I'll do it your way right away. I got the f,c,and the k now all I need is you(u). Check your pockets. (At this point the other person usually says "Why?") Because I think you stole my heart. I like every bone in your body especially mine. The word for today is "legs". Lets go back to my place and spread the word. Wanna go back to my place for pizza and sex?(at this point the other person will usually say "NO!" if they say yes then good for you) Then say "What!? You don't like pizza?" Can you help me? ( If the other person says I'm busy or I can't, you have no chance on earth with hooking up with them in the first place, but if they are friendly the might say yes or what). After they say sure or whatever they say, you say "You broke my heart and now the pieces are all over the floor." That's a nice shirt( or dress, skirt, pants, etc.) Can I talk you out of it. If I said you had a beautiful body would you hold it against me? You can ask someone "Do you have a little (put whatever race u r here) in you?" (You can say African, Irish, or German or whatever you want). Then you could say, "Would you ever want to?" Ask someone how are they doing today. Normal response is fine. If they say fine continue on, if not it fails. Then say "I know you are, but I asked how you were doing." Ask someone "Is there a mirror in your pocket?" They will probably say "No, why?" Then you say "Because I see myself in your pants. Is your dad a thief. The other person will probably say no. Then how can he steal the twinklie from the stars and put them in your eyes. Lick your finger and put it on your shirt. Lick your finger and again and wipe on someone else's shirt. Then say "Lets get out of these wet clothes." Ask someone,"Can you give me directions?" They will say "Where to?" normally or again if you have no chance of hooking up with them they will say no or something. Then you say ,"To your heart." Ask someone "Did it hurt?" They'll say did what hurt or what are you talking about. Then you say "When you fell from the stars..." I lost my phone number can I have yours? Is that a mentos in your pocket or are you happy to see me? (okay its kinda like the "pencil in your pocket" but it is updated for today's working man. If you really wanna make somebody feel good you could say hammer or turtle or a small automobile but I think that is a little to much.) Those clothes look good on you, but they would look better on my bedroom floor. Boy are you horny or what? I am rich, good looking, and have a libido the size of Texas-- so I'll probably dump you after a night or two but you won't care. Having sex with me is a tax deductible charity. Did someone turn a light on? Oh it was just your smile. Have I introduced you to my friend, Mr. Harry Penis?
(these are for all your people who want to be left alone.)
Q - I really want to get in your pants.
Q(This works if it is an older person) - Where have you been all
my life?
(After any pic up line) I like your approach. Now how about your departure? (After any pic up line) I would love to, if it weren't for the fact that I was totally uninterested.
Q - So what do you do for a living?
Q - How do you like your eggs in the morning?
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