Note: Part of the Broken Hearts Series. Sequel to "Why?" This is Harry's POV.
I can hear the birds chirping outside the window. I know it's morning, but I truly from the depths of my soul wish I could just lie here and forget this day ever existed. I can't see the daylight that is streaming through the windows, most likely because of the blankets that are covering my head.
I can hear Sirius bustling around the house. I've heard him for a while now. I've been awake for at least two hours, but I just can't will myself to emerge from the safety of my bed.
I feel safe here, in my nice warm bed. Here I can pretend all is right with the world. Here I can pretend my husband never lied to me. Here I can pretend my husband really loves me. Here I don't have to know the ugly truth: that my husband doesn't love me, that he loves another.
I can hear Sirius open the door. "Harry, it's time to get up, love. You can't stay in here forever," he says, trying to be cheerful. He pulls the blanket off my head and my delusions are shattered. "Happy birthday, sweetie," Sirius tells me, kissing my forehead.
He's trying so bloody hard, and I love him for it. I know it's killing him to see me hurting. He's always looked out for me.
I still can't believe he hit Remus, and he did it three days ago. You think it would have sunk in by now. It's just that they had become such good friends and to see Sirius hit him…it hurt. I can't explain it any other way. It hurt to see Sirius hurting because of the mess my life is, and it hurt to see Sirius strike my husband.
I know it shouldn't have bothered me, but it did. Yes, he lied to me and hurt me more than anyone ever has, but he's still my husband and I still love him. That's something that I can't change overnight, if ever. I love Remus, Merlin help me. What a mess this is.
I push my thought aside and conjure up the best smile I can for the man sitting next to me. "Thanks, Siri."
"You're welcome," he tells me, ruffling my hair. "Are you hungry? I can fix us some breakfast."
I nod as my stomach rumbles at the thought of food. My appetite doesn't seem to be affected at all, for which I am very grateful. I've always been on the thin side, and I've never been able to afford to lose much weight.
"Then you get dressed, and I will go downstairs and fix you a breakfast you'll never forget," he says, smiling softly at me. He kisses my forehead again and flies down the stairs as I grudgingly get up off my haven.
I go inside the bathroom and take a quick shower before dressing. By the time I get downstairs, Sirius is nearly done cooking. The wonderful smells waft towards me, and my stomach growls angrily again.
"Sit, Harry, it's nearly done," my godfather says as he takes the bacon out of the frying pan. He brings the platter to the table and I can still hear the bacon sizzling.
Sirius is right. This is a breakfast I'll never forget. He's cooked enough food to make a house elf look meager. There's orange juice, milk, pumpkin juice, bacon, eggs (three different ways), sausages, ham, potatoes, fried mushrooms, hashed browns, waffles and a fruit salad. I can't help but laugh.
"Siri, it's only the two of us. How much do you think I can pack away?"
He smiles at me sheepishly. "I did go a little overboard, didn't I?"
I nod as I continue to laugh. "Yes, but I appreciate it. Thank you." I lean over and kiss his cheek. I smile as I watch his cheeks turn pink. I've never seen Sirius blush before. It's really quite adorable. I wonder why he isn't involved with someone. He really is a great catch. It's too bad I didn't see it before.
"Sirius, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course you can. What is it?"
I eye him for a moment. "I was wondering why it is you are still alone. I would think a man as intelligent and as handsome as you would be snatched up in an instant."
I chuckle lightly as Sirius blushes a deep shade of red. "I guess I don't attract many suitors nowadays, Harry."
"Oh, come now, Sirius. Who wouldn't want you?" I'm genuinely perplexed. I can't see anyone turning down my godfather's advances.
Sirius looks at me. "Tell me, Harry. If you were available, would you consider someone like me for a partner?"
"Yes," I say without hesitation. I know that I would. I may be a fool, but I'm not an idiot. I can see exactly what it is Sirius has to offer another, and that's quite a lot.
Sirius is staring at me in shock. I'm curious. "Siri, why are you looking at me like that? Does it surprise you so, that I could find you a worthwhile partner? Look at you. You are smart, gorgeous, and talented. You have a great sense of humor and a wonderful outlook on life, even after spending all those damned years in Azkaban. You have a beautiful heart, and you're loyal, even if it does sometimes get you into trouble. What more could anyone ask for?"
"Evidently a lot more, or you're just biased. Or maybe it's the whole 'ex-convict' thing that's keeping them away in droves. Whatever the reason, I've had no offers, at least none that I would care to pursue." Sirius grumpily piles food onto his plate, and I feel bad for spoiling his good mood.
"Well," I say lightly, "it's their loss. They don't know what a good thing they're missing." I lean over and put a light, friendly kiss on his lips. He tastes like strawberries. Now I know what he was munching on when I walked in the kitchen door. Sirius blushes at the affection I have bestowed upon him and looks down at his food.
I smile at his slight discomfort, though I don't really know why he's uncomfortable. My smile fades into a slight sadness. Sirius is the first person I've kissed since I became involved with Remus.
/Not right now/ I tell myself as I force myself to be a little cheerful. I jump as I hear an owl tapping on the window. It's one of the Weasley owls, a new one, whose name I cannot remember. I smile wistfully as I watch Sirius open the window. It's my birthday, and I really need my husband right now.
My birthday is always the hardest day of the year for me. Not because I never got presents, or because I spent them alone, but because that was the day the final battle took place and I lost two of the best friends anyone could have ever known, Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley. Voldemort was too much of a match for them, and he tortured them mercilessly before killing them. By the time Severus and I got there, it was too late, and there was nothing we could do. We killed Voldemort that night, almost killing ourselves in the process, but it was done. This was all between my sixth and seventh years, before I found out my werewolf friend was the most desirable thing on the planet, when I was in love with my potions professor.
I push those little thoughts away as Sirius returns with a small package from Molly and Arthur Weasley. Ron wasn't the only one they lost that night. They lost Fred and George as well, who had fought the Death Eaters to keep them from the school. Hogwarts was protected, as were the children, but the twins were killed in the process.
"It's nice that they still send you something," Sirius says quietly. I nod, the tears welling up once again in my heart and in my eyes. I still can't bring myself to face them very often. I think I've seen them three times since the showdown with Voldemort, and each time it takes me a week to recover.
My hands tremble as I unwrap the small package. There is a note from Molly, wishing me well, and wishing me a happy birthday from the Weasley family. It's a new Wizard's Chess set, the type that Ron always loved to play with. I start to shake as the memories flood back, and the tears flow freely down my cheeks.
Sirius says not a word. He picks me up gently and carries me to the couch as if I weigh no more than a feather. He sits down and places me on his lap, holding me while I sob uncontrollably. I truly hate my birthday.
I miss my husband.
After around twenty minutes I stop crying, and we hear another tap at the window. We look up. It's my owl, Hedwig. Only one person uses him besides me.
"I wonder what he wants," growls Sirius as he lets my owl in. He knows who sent me this owl as well. He unties the package that is tied to my owl's foot.
"I don't know, " I say honestly, as I hold up my arm for Hedwig to land on. "How are you, my girl? Enjoying your summer?" I get a cheerful hoot from my snowy owl. She nips on my finger before flying into the kitchen. She has her own bowls for food and water in there. She knows the way.
Sirius hands me the package reluctantly. I'm loath to open it, but I can't put it off forever. There is a card.
Harry,
I know I'm the last person you want to hear from, especially on a hard day like this, but I thought this might help you, just a little.
Please believe me when I say that I really do love you. I didn't realize how much I did until I lost you. I don't want to lose you forever. I hope someday soon we can get together and talk. Please. I miss you.
Love,
Remus
I want to bury my head in my pillow and bawl. How I want to believe him, but I don't know if I can. All I know is that I miss him terribly. I need him, but I don't know if I can ever trust him, believe him again.
I open the gift. It's a pensieve. I know what he's giving me this for. It's for the bad memories that plague me on this day. He gave me one when we were first together, but it was destroyed when Sirius threw a fit after finding out Remus and I were together.
"A pensieve. How romantic," Sirius says sarcastically as he looks at my gift from my husband.
"You know why he gave it to me, Siri," I say, feeling an odd urge to defend my husband. I guess some things don't change very quickly. "Besides, you were the one who destroyed the first one he gave to me."
Sirius sighed. "That's true. Do you want to attempt to eat again? There's a warming spell on the food, so it should still be hot."
"All right," I reply, getting up off the couch and heading back into the kitchen. I pick at my food while I half-listen to Sirius talking about what he's buying for the candy shop.
After we eat, Sirius gives me his gift. It's a new leather jacket, similar to the one he wears.
"I love it, Siri. Thank you," I tell him, giving him a big hug. I really do love it. I've been contemplating stealing his for the last few months.
We spend the rest of the day with each other, interrupted every now and then by an owl from a friend or admirer. Even after several years, I still have those. Some of the owls bring good memories, others bring me torment. Sirius is there to help me cope. I've never been more glad to have a man who cares so much about my well being.
We eventually fall asleep together on his bed. He has been reading to me again. We're still working on 'The Hobbit'.
My last thought is me wondering what it is my husband is doing now….
I miss him.
Happy birthday to me.