Sirius' POV.
"I'll be here when you get back!" I yell out as Harry walks out my front door.
I sit back down at the table and pick at the remainder of my breakfast. I feel so awful for Harry, I really do. I know he's hurting right now, and I don't know what else I can do, other than be the godfather he needs me to be.
While a part of me wishes Harry would just toss Lupin completely out of his life, a bigger part of me knows it would be much better if Harry and Lupin can work all of this out.
I'm not blind. I could see the hope in Harry's eyes before he left for Hogwarts. Harry has always worn his heart on his sleeve, and his love for his husband is something he could never hide, no matter how hard he tried.
Harry is such a forgiving soul. I don't know if I could be as forgiving. I honestly can't understand how he could be so willing to forgive Remus after what he's done.
But as I have watched Harry since he showed up on my doorstep, I've noticed that it is the lies Lupin told that have hurt Harry the most, much more than the actual sexual encounter between Lupin and Snape.
That's something that's been bothering me since the night at Hogwarts when we all came face to face. It seems, to me at any rate, that Harry would have been willing to share his husband with that greasy bastard if Lupin had just been honest. That I just don't understand. Why would he share the love of his life, as he calls Lupin, with anyone else, especially with a horrible creature like Severus Snape?
Then again, I never understood why Harry loved Severus either. Oh, yes, I knew all about that. As I said, Harry has always worn his heart on his sleeve, his emotions available for all the world to see, at least to those of us who actually looked.
When I would go to Hogwarts for visits, I would catch him staring at Snape with stars in his eyes. I don't think he ever realized he did it. He would also always talk about the things Snape was teaching him to defend himself from Voldemort, and I could just tell that his feelings went further than a schoolboy crush.
I never said anything to him. I figured that as long as nothing was going on, and as long as Snape didn't touch him, it was doing no harm. It's not like I could have forced Harry to stop feeling anything for the stupid git. Just like I could never force him to see me as anything but his godfather.
I look at the clock and notice that I've worried away at least twenty minutes. Sighing, I take the dirty dishes to the sink and wash them, trying to figure out what I need for the store.
Not too long after I was cleared, and my assets were unfrozen at Gringotts, I bought Honeydukes here in Hogsmeade, much to the delight of my godson and his friends.
As the entire wizarding world knows, Harry has a chocolate frog addiction. Even now, many of his admirers send him chocolate frogs for Christmas. It's really quite sweet. You would think he'd be sick of them by now, but he's not. As my godfatherly duty, I keep him well stocked while he's at Hogwarts. He likes to eat chocolate frogs while he grades papers. Lupin also has a liking for them, especially around the full moon. The chocolate gives him more energy to recover quicker.
Honeydukes was a sound investment for myself. It placed me near Harry, and it gave me something I enjoy doing. Along with all the commercial candies, I've started making some of my own that are sold exclusively through my shop. They are quite popular, I must admit. It's a wonderful feeling, knowing that your work is appreciated.
I finish up the dishes and pick up my leather jacket. I usually don't bother with robes too much. Everyone knows I'm a wizard, and I have no need for my robes, and they just tend to get in the way while I'm working. I much prefer jeans.
I walk to the store. It's not a long walk, and I'm enjoying the summer breeze. It hasn't been too terribly hot this summer, and I'm grateful for that. It means I don't sweat if I wear my jacket.
I hope Harry's doing okay. He should have reached Hogwarts by now, unless he dawdled. Knowing him and the state he's in, he dawdled, and will be rushing in at the last minute. I chuckle as I imagine him rushing through the door, apologizing. I know him much too well.
Here we are, Honeydukes. The store is already open. The store is open early during the summer, and this summer I have a young witch working for me. She is a sixth year at Hogwarts; actually, she'll be a seventh year when school starts. She's really very sweet, and she comes from a big family. She works during the summer to help out her family, and I always make sure she takes plenty of candy to her younger siblings. I have her open the store in the mornings. She usually works all day. Her family really needs the money and I don't mind.
"Hello, Savannah. How's my favorite Slytherin today?" I actually found a Slytherin I liked. Who would have thought?
She smiles at me. "Hello, Mr. Black. I'm doing just fine, thank you. How are you this morning?"
"I'm doing just fine. How has things been going this morning?"
"Very busy, actually. We've had at least twenty customers already. Oh, and there's a gentleman who came in looking for you. He said he'd come back in a little while."
"Did you catch his name?" I ask, curious as to who is looking for me. I know it's no one from the school, or she would have mentioned it.
She shakes her head. "No, he didn't, but he had long, fiery red hair and blue eyes, and tall. He was very handsome," she adds, blushing.
I chuckle. "It sounds like a Weasley, most likely Bill or Charlie. Both are quite nice to look at," I tease her. I know of her weakness for redheaded men. "So, what do I need to order?"
She goes over the list of things I need to restock, and I go to work filling out the order forms. I send the order forms away with my very own snowy owl, Anubis. She was a gift from Harry, named after the Egyptian god of the dead.
I go into the kitchens in the back and put on my apron, and get to work making some candy. I turn around only when I hear a light snickering coming from the doorway.
"I never thought I'd see Sirius Black wearing an apron," Bill says, smiling at me. I really had forgotten how handsome he was. I am inwardly horrified as I feel myself blush. I really am too old to blush. Honestly!
"Well, it keeps all the goop off of me," I reply, wiping my hands on the apron in question. I hold out my hand and he takes it. "It's good to see you again, Bill. What brings you to Hogsmeade?"
"Actually, I'm moving here. I've decided to give up curse breaking. Actually, I'm only going to do it on a case by case basis. I'm going to take over management of the Weasley's Wizard Wheezes for Mum and Dad. Mum is sick of having to manage it from home, what with taking care of Fred's daughter and all. That young one is a handful."
I laugh. "How is little Angel anyway?" I've met Fred's daughter a few times. She's a really pretty little girl with black hair and deep blue eyes. She got her black hair from her mother, Alexandra, who had also perished in the war, fighting along side her husband. I had been as shocked as the rest of them when I found out Fred was settling down. It's too bad he didn't get to enjoy it. He would be proud of his daughter. She's going to grow up into a fine witch, I can already tell. Of course, she'll go to Hogwarts, even if I have to pay for it.
"Angelica is a Weasley through and through," Bill replies, chuckling. "She's just like Fred and George, already sneaking around and playing pranks. She's only five years old and already going into the family business."
I smile. "Well, at least you know she'll be perfectly happy taking over for you when she's old enough. I say, watching him as he walks around the kitchen, looking at things. He's still thin, his hair pulled back and reaching below his shoulder blades. He still has the same earring I've seen him wear before, the earring Molly hates with a passion. He still wears Muggle clothing, and he looks gorgeous in the tight T-shirt and jeans he's wearing. Of course the ensemble is completed with a pair of boots…dragon hide. When my gaze travels back up, I blush furiously. He's watching me stare at him, and I didn't notice I was doing it. How embarrassing.
"So, how are things going with Honeydukes?" he asks, giving me an escape from my humiliation.
I go back to finishing the candy I've been making. "Things are wonderful. I've had great profits, and I got really lucky when I hired Savannah. She's a great worker. Oh, and I think she has a crush on you," I add teasingly. I look over and admire the flush on his face.
"I think she's a little too young for me at the moment, and she's definitely not the right gender," he says. I look at him in surprise. I didn't know he was gay. My look of surprise doesn't go unnoticed. "My mum was surprised too when she found out. She actually only found out six months ago, after I broke up with my boyfriend. At least she knows she'll get more grandchildren out of Charlie, Percy and Ginny. All of them prefer the opposite sex."
"Well, she has one grandchild at any rate. I'm afraid I'll be the last in the line of the Black family," I say sadly. I really would like to have the family line carried on, but I can't even get a casual boyfriend. How am I supposed to find one who wants to have a child with me?
I finish the candy I needed to make, and I turn around. Bill is looking me over much the same way I looked him over a few minutes ago. I blush again while he stares. Sometimes I just want to kick myself. At least he has the courtesy to blush when he sees me watching. I don't feel like such an idiot now.
I look up at the clock. It's already after eleven. I didn't realize I was working so long here in the kitchen. I turn and look at Bill. "I'm going to go back to my house for lunch. Harry is going to be there sometime in the early afternoon. Would you like to come with me?"
"I'd really like that," he says. "I haven't seen Harry in forever." We walk out of the kitchen and into the front of the store. I say goodbye to Savannah and I lead Bill to my home.
As we walk, I ask. "Have you found a place to live yet?"
He shakes his head. "No. I just thought I'd stay in a room over the Three Broomsticks until I found a place."
I shake my head. "Nonsense. You can stay at my house for as long as you like. I've a spare room."
"I don't want to be a bother."
"You won't be," I insist. "You're perfectly welcome to it, and I'd enjoy the company, really."
"All right, but only if you're sure-"
I look him in the eyes. "I am sure. And we both know Molly will be ecstatic if she knew you were in a position to see Harry."
Bill laughs. "That's true. She's not seen him in so long, I thinks she's going insane. Harry had better make a trip to the Burrow soon."
"I think he will, once he sees you. It's hard for him. He still blames himself for Ron's death. I think he even blames himself for Fred and George as well."
"That's ridiculous," Bill says as we walk up to the door of my house. "He didn't have anything to do with that. It's not his fault."
"I know his head knows that, but his heart doesn't seem to want to listen. He feels like he let your family down."
Bill shakes his head sadly. "When's he going to learn he is part of our family? Mum and Dad miss him so much. So does Ginny."
"I know. They write to me often, asking after him," I say as we walk into the kitchen. "Have a seat. I'll make us some lunch."
Bill sits down at the table while I pull out all the things I need for sandwiches. "How is your dad doing? Has life as the Minister of Magic been treating him well?"
"He's doing wonderful! He just finished up all this paperwork that he and Harry have been working on. That's another thing that had Mum's knickers in a twist. Harry worked on this project, yet he and dad met only twice in the last three years, I think. When Harry finally sees her, Mum'll kill him after she quits crying and kissing him."
I smile widely as I bring the plate of sandwiches to the table. I watch as Bill picks one up and bites into it. I smile again as closes his eyes blissfully. "These are better than Mum's sandwiches!" he exclaims. He looks at me. "But if you tell Mum that, I'll deny it 'til the end of my days!"
"Thanks. And your secret is safe with me," I say and take a bite of my sandwich. We sit and talk as we eat. Afterwards, Bill helps me wash up.
We sit down with tea and Bill tells me about some of the curse breaking that he had to do in Egypt. After a while I notice him jump slightly and I look over to the doorway and I see Harry standing there.
A smile breaks out across his face as he stares at my godson. "Harry, my god, how long has it been?"
Harry smiles back at him. "Hey, gorgeous. It's been too bloody long."
Bill gets up out of his seat and he and Harry hurl themselves at each other, not letting go of each other, as if they might perish if they parted.
"Harry, you don't know how much my family has missed you," he tells my godson, his voice heavy with emotion.
"I've missed you lot, too. It's just been so hard, you know. When I'm at The Burrow, I see all the others…" Harry says brokenly. I can feel my throat tighten. I knew this would be hard for Harry. But he needs this, though he never realized it until now.
"I know. We still miss you. Mum misses you. She's reminded of Ron and Hermione when she sees you," he says, pulling Harry closer to him.
Harry looks at me through his tears and I smile sympathetically. He knows I know how hard it is for him to face the members of the Weasley family, in particular Bill. He and Bill had grown close during the war, before the three boys died. They had all become a close-knit team. Bill had stayed at Hogwarts during Harry's sixth year, and Harry and Ron had stayed with him in a suite of rooms, for their protection from the Slytherins.
They finally let each other go, and they come and sit down at the table next to me. I get up and pour Harry a cup of tea, which he accepts gratefully.
Bill wipes away his own tears. "So, Harry, what's going on in your life right now?"
I know Bill is completely innocent of any wrongdoing when he asks this, but I wince at the question, as does Harry. It doesn't go unnoticed.
"Sorry," Bill says sheepishly. "I didn't mean to pry."
Harry gives him a warm smile, and takes his hand. I'm inwardly shocked when I feel a little pang of jealousy makes itself known. Even more shocking is it's because I want it to be me holding Bill's hand, not Harry. My mind is reeling as I listen to Harry. "You're not, Bill. Remus and I are just having some problems right now."
"Are you two going to be okay?" Bill asks. I can see the concern in his eyes. He was and still is a big supporter of their union.
Harry sighs. "I don't know. I hope so. We're trying to talk things out now. I just came back to get another copy of my research and a change of clothes."
I look at Harry sharply, scarcely able to believe what I'm hearing. "You're going back?"
Harry nod. "Yes. I'm not going to let him go through the last night of the lunar cycle by himself."
"Why not?" I ask, irritated. "He deserves it after what he's done." I glance over at Bill and I can see that he's completely confused.
Harry looks at Bill and apprises him of the current situation between himself and his husband. He then explains to both of us about the physical damage Lupin has inflicted upon himself. It seems that he didn't take the potion in order to punish himself for the pain he has caused Harry.
"I'm sorry that he's been wounded so badly, but I don't see why you have to stay once he's taken the potion," I say. I don't think Harry should have to stay. It's Lupin's fault if he decides not to use the potion.
"Just a moment," Harry says, jumping out of his seat. Bill and I watch him run out the door, and we hear him pound up the stairs. While Harry is gone, I pour Bill and myself another cup of tea, and we go to sit in the living room. Harry finds us when he comes back down. He takes out some of the papers in a box. I know it's his research. He comes to sit between us on the couch and he starts explaining some of the aspects of the research he's conducted over the last few years.
"Do you understand what I'm trying to say, Sirius?" he asks me.
"I understand what you're saying, Harry, but that doesn't change the fact that he lied to you, that he's been lying to you for some time now," I remind him. I see the determination on his face and I sigh heavily. I sit back and listen to what he's saying.
"I know that, Siri. I've lied as well. I've been working on this research for the last three years and the werewolf's rights thing with the Ministry for the last year and a half. I've lied to him about everything I've been doing, even if many of them were a lie of omission. I've lied to his face many times, not letting him in on what I was doing, shutting him out of something that took up a large part of my time. I can't let him take all the blame for the situation when I hold some of it. I'm not condoning his lies; all I'm saying is that I didn't help things with the part I played."
Bill nods, agreeing with Harry. He looks at me. "Harry is right, Sirius. If he had been more open and honest with Remus, Remus may have told him what was wrong, what he was feeling." He turns his attention to Harry. "I'm not excusing Remus either, but I understand what you're saying, Harry. Now the question is, what do you want? Can you forgive him? Can you allow Remus what he needs? Can you live with it?"
Bill and I both look at Harry expectantly, waiting to see what he says. I can see the wheels turning in his mind as he goes over Bill's words. "I think I can forgive him. I've always given him what he's needed. Can I live with it? I don't know. That's something only time will figure out, but if I forgive him and allow him to live his life as he needs to, I'll have to live with it, won't I?"
I nod. He's right. If he chooses to allow Lupin to keep a relationship with Snape, and if he decides to stay with Lupin as well, he'll have to live with it. "Yes, you will. Lupin and Snape have both hurt you, and badly. I just don't want to see you hurt anymore." And it's true. I know I'll never have him. I've accepted that long ago, though I will always have a special place in my heart for him. I want him to be happy, and unhurt. I want to see him healed, and if that means staying with Lupin and letting Lupin continue his relationship with Snape, so be it. They are not my concern. My godson is.
"I know you don't, but this is something I have to work out for myself. I love my husband, and I don't want to let him go if I have a choice in the matter."
I hug him to me, ready to accept whatever he decides. "Then do what you have to. I'll support you, no matter what you decide to do. Just don't expect me to be kind to Remus for a while. I'm still mad as hell at him." I am still really angry at Lupin. I don't know if or when I'll not be angry, but it won't be anytime soon.
"My protector," Harry quips, hugging me closer. "Now, I will let the two of you get on with your visit…hey, that reminds me of something I wanted to ask. What are you doing in Hogsmeade, Bill? Last I heard you were off in Egypt or Lebanon or somewhere. What brings you here?"
"Actually, I've decided to take over management of the WWW. We've got some new people working on items, and Mum is tired of managing things from the Burrow. I'm moving to Hogsmeade."
"That's great!" Harry squeals, throwing his arms around Bill's neck. There's that pang of jealousy again. I feel like a bloody teenager. "I'll get to see you all the time now." They talk about his moving to Hogsmeade for a little while longer. Harry's thrilled when he hears that Bill will be staying here for a while. Finally Harry decides that it's time to go. He hugs Bill goodbye and I walk my godson to the door.
Harry smiles at me wickedly. "You know, I think Bill might be interested in you."
"What makes you think that?" I ask. I can feel a blush rising on my cheeks. I think I've blushed more times today than in my entire life.
"Oh, I don't know. It might be the way he was drooling all over you before he noticed I was standing in the door." He says innocently, chuckling deeply as I blush harder. I really should use the Cruciatus on myself.
"You're having me on," I say, trying to rid myself of this humiliating habit I seem to have started.
He shakes his head negatively as he leans in to kiss me on the cheek. "No, I'm not. Do me a favor, Siri. Get to know him, and if you think you might be able to like him, even maybe someday love him, give him a chance. You deserve someone who loves you, and I saw the look in his eyes. It told me that he could love you."
"I will try, Harry. You do me a favor." I look at him imploringly
"What's that?" he asks expectantly.
"Whatever you decide, make sure that you'll be happy. I can't be happy unless you are. It's in the godfather handbook."
He laughs and gives me a big hug. "I will. I'll see you tomorrow. Love you."
"Love you."
He closes the door and I go back into the living room.
Bill smiles at me reassuringly. "Don't worry, Sirius. He'll be fine. He'll do what he thinks is the right thing, and he'll be happy in the end. And look at it this way…if Remus hurts him again, we can just send Mum after him. She can do much more damage than either of us could."
I laugh in spite of myself. "You're right. I don't want Molly mad at me. I've seen her angry, thank you."
Bill and I leave the house and head back towards the shops. He goes to the WWW for a couple of hours, while I head back to Honeydukes. Around four o'clock, he shows up again, and I tell Savannah to close up early and go home. I'll pay her for the three hours she'll miss anyway. I do it often enough. What do I care.
We go back home, for it is Bill's home as well, for as long as he needs or wants to stay. I make us steaks, potatoes and salad for dinner, and a chocolate cake for dessert.
After dinner, we go into the living room and talk long into the night. At first we started out on opposite ends of the couch, but as the night grew older, we moved closer. By the time we were tired enough to go to sleep, we were right next to each other, our arms and legs touching.
I say goodnight after I show him to his room, and I go to shower.
As I lie down twenty minutes later, I think about Harry's words. He told me to get to know him, to see if I might like him, and maybe love him someday. If I could, he said to give him a chance. Harry also said that Bill could love me too. My body shivers pleasantly at the thought. I think I could like Bill, and Harry's right. I do deserve someone who will love me back. Maybe if I'm lucky, Bill is that one person. I hope so.
My, my. Today has been full of surprises.