D e c e m b e r 2 5 , 2 0 0 2
圣诞夜的零点刚过.我一个人在电脑前,很伤感.
爱仿佛是一种毒品.隔一阵就需要a dose.如果没有供给上,人就失了神,浑身不舒服.
放假后没有他的任何音讯.难道他心里没有我吗?
love is giving someone the power to hurt you but trust him not to. but love always ends up hurting someone, intentionally or unintentionally. why is that? because love is too great that there has to be some negative side to balance it out? because nothing can be perfect in a world like this? because pain is part of life just as love is?
D e c e m b e r 2 2 , 2 0 0 2
思念是一种很玄的东西.它总是在你措手不及的时候袭击你,让你无所适从.
思念仿佛一只蜡烛.火光一闪一闪的,仿佛要熄灭了,却一直顽强地燃烧着.
i read a book today about relationships. it said that, some women are afraid to let someone else to give them pleasure because they are afraid that they would get dependent, that they would become vulnerable.
i've felt a lot like that the first time i fell in love.i remember missing him each single second and i would just go crazy if he didn't call or he didn't pay attention to me for a second. i kept telling myself that i should get back control over myself and that was part of why i left him.
i realize how stupid that was. yes, i would never want to depend on someone financially, but we live in this world and our lives is about the people in our lives. the people are the ones who bring us love, happiness and pain. how can i be so afraid to let happiness in just because i'm afraid of the occassional pain? i should be brave.
D e c e m b e r 1 8 , 2 0 0 2
i thought i liked what i seemed to be like in front of others, but i realized that it's easy to give out a wrong picture
D e c e m b e r 1 7 , 2 0 0 2
D e c e m b e r 1 6 , 2 0 0 2
i was randomly surfing the internet today and saw the newly announced "100 Sexiest Women" rated by FHM. (and yes it's interesting to look at beautiful women but no it has nothing to do with sexual orientation). and i saw this picture.
i love that quote.
D e c e m b e r 1 5 , 2 0 0 2
This morning when I woke up from slumber, I suddenly felt really sad. The picture of Kai’s first love, Mona, was still vivid in front of my eyes. It said on the back of the picture: “we are angels each with only one wing. We’ll embrace each other and only in that way we can fly,” something like that. How sweet. I am so jealous. Not jealous that Kai loved Mona. It’s something in the past and he is with me now. What I am jealous about is that sweet experience. My first love was sweet at some point. Then my parents saw my diary and ruined it. What I remembered more was confusion, fright, guilt and insecurities. People say your first love is the model of all your other relationships. To a certain extent, I think they’re right. After that, I didn’t know how to love, how to be in a relationship, until I met Kai.
I want to talk to my first love and tell him how I valued that part of my life and how I loved him back then. I want to let him know that even though it didn’t work out at the end, it wasn’t his or my fault. We were too young and we didn’t know better. I think by doing that 会打开一个心结.
D e c e m b e r 1 2 , 2 0 0 2
three reading days. absolutely zero study. what am i doing? am i not worrying about my grade? my future which is partially depending on my grades? or am i thinking, this is just freshman year, let's see how bad it will be if i don't study for my finals? yeah...you're right, probably the latter? is it a way of being rebellious? because all these years i've been such a good student, who always try to prep-talk herself up, ignore the stress, study more than she needs do and do well on her exams. one of her biggest fear was not getting the perfect grade. and what's happening to her now? the night before the final, and she's doing this soul-searching crap. is she doing the right thing? is she just being her unique and fabulous self or is she being influenced by some inpure ideas that she always tries to get rid of? she doesn't know. right now, what she really wants is to lay in her warm and comfy bed at home, not having to worry about exams. she has to admit, she is very stressed right now.
as i slowly eased myself out of the initial stress with a quick dinner with turkey followed by two oatmeal cookies, i began to realize why i am not as driven as before. it is quite simple. i am not as insecure as before. often, one feels insecure first, then he strives to reach a high point to feel more secure. but one doesn't know that, insecurity doesn't come from weakness, it is just perspectives. one can be totally smart and still be insecure. one can also be totally stupid but secure. right now i'm feeling too comfortable with my life and the people around me. they treat me so kind. it makes me lose the drive.
Flipping through “Madeira Today”, reading the class notes of my high school classmates, I couldn’t help but start to think about high school, wealth and individuality. High school was a big shelter. It was dominated by rich white girls who drive expensive cars, go to exotic places and wear expensive clothes. I wasn’t one of them. The school was supposed to be diversified, until I realized that the existence of international students like me work mainly toward the benefice of the rich white girls—the things that we share open up their eyes. We were just another expensive thing for them, a diversified environment for studying. I wonder how I never figured this out before and I cannot describe how angry I am right now.
I have to admit that I am jealous of them in many ways. They were born with that wealth. They’re destined to have all those experiences, whereas someone like me has to work very hard to get it. And I know that I will never be able to live the way they do. Even if I have the money, I wouldn’t have the same connections. Even if I have the connections, I wouldn’t have fun doing what they do because I wasn’t born for it.
High school was such a joke and painful experience for me.
What a pity! Six month after high school, I thought I escaped that shadow, but I didn’t entirely. Things were forgotten, but are easily reminded of. It’s hard to erase three years out of one’s memory.
Suddenly I feel very helpless. I’ve started a new life but I wish someone would understand that part of my life. No one would. A hundred years of solitude. I had three. Three years of solitude. But that was enough enough.
爱情永远没有错.爱情永远是完美的.不完美的是我们的生活.我们生气的时候,沮丧的时候便把所有的错都归结都我们生命中的人身上,越重要的人错就越大,于是我们把怨气投到了爱情身上.实在是不公平.
如果给我一个幻想,我希望我能永远停在此时.一切都那么完美.周围的寂静,手中的作业,夜晚暖暖的灯光,想念他的模糊的甜蜜,都恰到好处.当明天早晨太阳升起的时候,这一切都会消失.
我意识到,我最大的恐惧是做错事情.一点小事走出了我为自己限制的轨道,我便会反复地自责,不能自拔.然而有的时候我又对这种负罪感着迷.我想慢慢摆脱这种负罪感.反正我也要忍受做错事情的后果,为何不享受这种后果,而非要转一个弯享受为做错事情的负罪感呢?错事总会有它的原因的.痛苦夹杂着快乐.否则人们也不会去犯错误了.
我喜欢兴奋的状态.因为我更喜欢的是兴奋后的疲惫,尤其是那种疲惫中的平静.比如说跑完步后平静的坐着喝水,大脑处于停滞的状态,比如说暴风骤雨后安祥地在他的怀里睡去,比如说熬夜早晨醒来看着太阳慢慢升起,一天又开始了.
我无法形容我对于我现在生命的珍惜.感伤于陶甄和其他seniors的即将离去.该珍惜的时候为什么没有珍惜呢?人们是否最终是要孤独的呢?为什么这个世界变化的那么快呢?我究竟应该高兴全球化的发展,人才流通的频繁,还是难过呢?
sometimes i just wanna get away from my life completely. even just for one day.摆脱所有我身边的事和人.也许只有那样我才能意识到周?У娜硕晕矣卸嗝吹闹匾?.i love all of you people. i really do.
D e c e m b e r 7 , 2 0 0 2
new feature!!!! sign on my guest book
sorry for being random today. i am in one of those moods
What I want is love
What I need is protection
the song "creep" by radiohead
If I don’t think I am a creep or a weirdo, then why I like the song so much? Like yesterday at the karaoke place, I was singing with it, as if I’ve known the song forever. But it was the first time I’ve ever heard of it.
Maybe i had felt that way about someone at some point in my life. Maybe I wish it was the way someone would look at me, that he was the creep and the weirdo, and that I was some sort of serene angel, a special person for him, his dream and fantasy. So distanced from him, and therefore even more desirable.
It’s all about power. Men conquering women, women conquering men, men conquering the world and less often, women conquering the world.
It really doesn’t matter what we do, what we have done, because things happen due to circumstances. What matters most is what’s deep in our heart. That’s what directs us in the end. I turn and turn, I shy away from the unknowns, I discover the curious and I regret for a thousand times. I absorb and then I throw away things: feelings, scenarios, people’s names, characters, clothes, shoes and papers… what’s left is the most precious to me. What I kept is what has always made me feel good no matter what. My diary book. Those wordy confessions, corny descriptions of my sex life, unnecessary analysis of people, especially myself. The diary stays with me. It doesn’t give me hard feelings. It doesn’t tell me what to do. Instead, it just listens. From time to time, I look back at my old diaries and I laugh at my past. But it doesn’t. It knows my pain and my stupidity. But it just sits there quietly waiting for me to find out myself. It is very patient.
I used to wonder how those writers write so much. Books I cannot even read from cover to cover. How they manage to write them? Now I know. It takes just the amount of enthusiasm and years of work. When writing becomes a part of your life, your way of expressing yourself, it doesn’t come as a burden but rather a pleasure. Words flow, feelings filled, minds cleared. Now I cannot imagine not writing.
the following paragraph. don't read if you're going to judge
He pushed me against the wall, and he touched me between my legs. I was all warm and wet for him. The steaming water drains down, hit softly against the bathtub, splashes on the curtains. My eyes half closed, murmuring his name. His fingers ran down my spine, making me shiver despite the hot water. Then those long lean fingers circles around my butt cheeks. More shivers. I ache for him. Ache for his inside me, feeling that fullness, that power inside my body and making me free.
Then I turned around. I realized it wasn’t him. It was him but it wasn’t at the same time. That same body, same face, same tenderness on his fingers, but now his face carries a strange smirk. As if I was a handicapped little lamb and he was a strong hunter. Suddenly the tenderness of his fingers felt lusty. The steam made me dizzy. I didn’t know what happened after that except friction and burns. Hot. Shower. Hot. Sex.
D e c e m b e r 5 , 2 0 0 2
the society and the media somehow convinced the mass that your life can be completely different if only one thing is changed in your life. for example, they try to make us believe that whether you're single or taken, whether you're thin or fat, these things are fundamental to the quality of your life. back in that little girls' school, i always believed that being cut off from the oppposite sex was the root of all the frustration and boredom in my life. i had faith that once i stepped into the real world, i would fill my life with adventures. i imagined myself flirting with cute guys, going to frat parties and acting somewhere in-between samatha and carrie from sex and the city.
now i am in the "real world". coed at least. one easy way to make myself believe that i am actually in a coed environment--the people live across the hall from me are two guys. i was in shock the first couple of days in penn. back in high school, teenage boys were rare species on campus, especially not during daytime on a weekday, not even mentioning that i was punished for snicking my then-bf into the dorm room. the only time you see them is dance parties on weekends and some other coed events like debates or christian group meetings which i rarely joined. it's hard to feel the contrast without the girls' school experience. i remember that the first few days here, i felt like i overdosed on coffee or something. excited and a little overwhelmed. my head turns and turns, trying to absorb all the curious images, voices and knowledges. somehow i was waiting for something to happen, like magic. like all the three years i've fantasized how fun and exciting my life would be in the "real world".
months passed, i slowly made the transition from being shocked to feeling comfortable. nothing adventurous like i imagined had happened or if it did, i cut it off right at the beginning, because i realized the frustrations had made me a little extreme and that i was harming myself. i came to the conclusion that no one special thing will change your life completely. being in college, being around real people do make a difference because these people add in so much to my daily life. they entertain me, comfort me, argue with me, share things with me, excite me, sadden me...whatever. however, whether i feel happy, sad, excited, disappointed, content, lost, frustrated...it is entirely in my control, no matter who i am around, what things i am facing. there isn't one "thing" that can change my life, but there is one "way" that can change my life. that is, to trust myself, to let myself enjoy whatever it is given to me and just simply be happy.
D e c e m b e r 2 , 2 0 0 2
进入十二月份了.时间飞逝.还有两天我们在一起已经两个月了.
新泽西纽约之行虽然仿佛没有什么太让人兴奋的时刻,但每一分每一秒都是惬意快乐的.也许和想象中刺激的探险不同,but life happens when you least expect it.点点滴滴的小事让我难忘,让我每每想起都会不知不觉地微笑,让我心头又暖暖的.
妈妈今天又出差了.虽然我仍然见不到她,但在她离开美国的时候,我总是在心头有一些惦记,一些不踏实的感觉.我觉得我渐渐在想明白我现在学习和生活都是为了自己,而不是为了取悦他们或者任何人.我没有了什么从他们那里来的压力,但自己给自己,社会给自己都有压力.只是不同而已.但也是一种进步吧.
N o v e m b e r 2 7 , 2 0 0 2
我决定我的心情,我决定我的命运.我决定我的现在与将来.
外婆的回忆录又增加了新的章节.还在陆续地录入电脑中.
N o v e m b e r 2 4 , 2 0 0 2
凌晨三点.从十一点开始决定睡觉,到现在,四个小时无声无息地溜走.我看着时间的飞逝,却无能为力.
我不知道自己在干什么,不知道我的生命到底有没有意义.一直习惯了对于父母的话的听从,但我突然有一天意识到,我不应该完全听从他们,而应该寻找自己的道路的时候,我为什么又有强烈的失落感呢?我想是习惯.习惯了别人告诉该做什么,我突然对于我意?兜降淖杂刹恢肓?.
我不要这样. i need a change. i really do.
N o v e m b e r 2 2 , 2 0 0 2
极为不情愿地把自己从他的身边拽开,决定从星期六晚上开始好好地学习.痛苦,是很痛苦,但是人有的时候应该做一些自己不愿做的事情;人有的时候得不时地打破自己的习惯;而且一个人要学会不对另一个人过分地依赖,不是吗?可是,做起来总是比说起来要难,不是吗?
昨天和父母之间的分歧似乎在一阵暴?缰栌曛笃骄驳夭涣肆酥?.我想我十九岁,应该开始为自己的希望和理想考虑了.我很想离他们远远的一段时间,更多的探寻自己内心最真实的想法.不想在这种过程中受到任何他们对我的影响.
今天一个不认识的人对我说,你们星期五的演出很不错.我心里美滋滋的.
N o v e m b e r 2 0 , 2 0 0 2
本来想每天一点一点地看完外婆的回忆录,一边顺手打到电脑上,但没想到昨天睡觉前一口气把整个手稿读完了.太吸引人了.讲的故事显得那么遥远,却又近在眼前.讲的是外婆年轻的时候的故事,我怎么也无法把这些曲折的经历和那个每天早上出门锻炼,看报纸,喝茶的老人联系在一起.这才似乎有点懂了什么叫做晚年的安祥.
才明白父母小的时候都经历过怎样的磨难.才相信妈妈每每在我埋怨她对我照顾不够的时候对我说的,"外婆小的时候从来不管我们,外公外婆都特别忙.我很小就独立了."才明白为什么父母现在对我专业的选择会那么"功力",总怕我选择了将来"找?坏焦ぷ?"的专业,让我一定要学一些"有用"的东西.
昨天晚上我满腔充满了一种冲动,一种想做些什么事情的冲动.我也不是很清楚我想要做什么,但是?抑牢疑钌畹乇晃彝夤馄诺墓适赂卸?.我敬佩他们在那种环境下不屈不挠的精神.我感叹于外公最后的境域:一个美国麻省理工大学的硕士生,一个一辈子勤勤恳恳不计功力的人,一个为了祖国化工事业发展放弃美国发展机会和优越生活的人,一个曾任石油学院副院长的人,一个在文革中被折腾得严重损伤了健康和人格的人,一个默默地去世了??,一个我只认识了四年的人,一个我想了解和认识的人.
我以前常常有这样的冲动.当我看到一个伟人,我也希望通过自己的努力成为一个伟人.但是我越来越发现,我大概是不具备当伟人的资历和性格的,但我还是无比地崇敬伟人.我想如果我无法成为一个伟人,我至少可以用我的笔,用我的感情和观察力谱写伟人,歌颂伟人.
写了这么多年的日记.也许我最大的爱好是写作.也许我对自己的认识浅显极了.
过去在高中的男友给我写了一封EMAIL,随便问了问我现在的情况.我有些惊异.才发现自己已经一直没有和高中的同学联系了.都不知道大家现在怎么样了.谁也不知道我怎么样了.大家都太忙了.我回了信,说了说学校里的情况和我现在的心态.
也许是这封EMAIL触动了我的一些回忆,我打开了已经封存了很久的旧邮箱,看了看很久以前的EMAIL.我突然觉得非常内疚,但也非常庆幸.
内疚因为我没有认真对待他给我的那么纯洁的感情.那时侯的我,在几次伤害之后,根本不相信感情.我小心翼翼地把自己藏在自己的保护层中,不肯敞开心扉. ... 我们的恋情只持续了那么一个夏天,又勉强持续了接下来的那个秋天.
我想我伤害了他很深.我在今年暑假又见到了他.我们聊到了过去.我向他表达了我对他的歉意.但我明白,无论怎样,那段伤害我是永远无法向他弥补的.上天会用其他什么方式惩罚我的.
我想我唯一能做的,就是从现在开始对自己的感情负责任.
我的庆幸在于我认识到这些,庆幸我对感情恢复了信心,我又找回了爱的能力.
很长一段时间我一直?谄约?, 总是告诉自己和别人:我从来在感情上没有被动地受到过伤害,总是我去伤害别人,最多是我的内疚伤害我自己.其实有过几个欺骗过我的男人,有过我完完全全无力抵抗地受伤害的经历,只是我的自尊心不让我承认,我的记忆刻意地忘掉了痛苦的经历.但暗伤是最致命的.
N o v e m b e r 1 9 , 2 0 0 2
今天我整理一下房间,翻出了外婆写的回忆录,讲的是外公和她的故事.我在很小的时候外公就去世了,所以我从来也并知道他到底是怎样的一个人.我常常希望他晚一点去世,或者我早一点出生.在我的印象中,他是一个很不凡的人,一个非常令人敬佩的人.
外婆的回忆录是手写的,复印了给我和她的儿女们.我想我要把外婆的回忆录打在电脑上,也许可以分享给更多的人.过去的故事总是有无穷的味道.不知为什么,我这么小,却总是喜欢怀旧.
工作进程会比较缓慢,现在只有这些 外婆的回忆录
N o v e m b e r 1 8 , 2 0 0 2
星期一的早晨,风猛烈地刮着.我从一早的物理课顶着风缓缓地前进着.过了一条马路,从高层建筑物的阴影中走到了冬日少有的太阳光底下,刚才略显沉重的心情似乎以下放松了.才发现快乐和痛苦的转化有时就是那么一霎那的事.
整整上个星期过的非常stressful.似乎有忙不完的事情,所有需要处理的事情都迎面而??,不给我喘息的余??.而且一个人不怕??,怕的是忙的是无意义的事情,自己不感兴趣的事情,或者在忙完之后发现所付出的努力都白费了.
直到星期天的晚上,那种紧张的情绪还在持续,但突然之间那种情绪就消失了.原来一个人快乐不快乐不在于外界的环境和这个人处于的境域,而更多的由一个人内心转换而变化.
*********************
一次又一次问自己,你真的想读工程学吗?这是你喜欢的科目吗?你不?锢?,数学不积极,是因为你太懒了呢?还是因为你根本没有兴趣呢?都是很难回答的问题.
N o v e m b e r 9 , 2 0 0 2
一个人是要为他犯过的错误付出代价的,因为只有这样他才能意识到这个错误的严重??.
i've been a bad bad girl
i've been careless with myself
when a girl will destroy herself
just because she can
don't you tell me to deny it
i've done it and i know i'll suffer from my sin
我没有什么可以隐藏的,即使是我犯过的错误我也不想去刻意的隐藏.只有勇敢地面对自己的错误,一个人才可以不断的清除那些污浊的思想和动机,向更纯洁的思想境界靠近.
i was cut off from the real world. i mistook reality and fantasies. i was misled; i was confused; i was lost lamb and i was sinful. but now i'm woken, i'm taken away from the black hole. i regret what had happened to me, but i also know that it wasn't completely my fault. because deep inside, i'm a good person, a good girl. i have morals and conscience. i believe in love and i long for love.
我不要伤害.我需要学会的是怎样保护自己,怎样不受到伤害,怎样不轻易地信任别人.
我更新了一下"日记".把过去了一些日记存了档.
N o v e m b e r 8 , 2 0 0 2
今天给WAX卖?艘惶斓拿?,整整在电脑上呆了五个小时,查了一百三十多个公司的网站,真的第一次体会到什么叫做真正的脑袋都大了.但是完成了这一项任务,马上心情轻松了很多.
这两天很平静,但似乎没有任何精力.往往到了周末,总有很多的精力想?⒎⒊隼?,但现在我只想睡觉.很奇怪.也许是前一段时间玩的?嗔?.
清唱团的事情渐渐复杂化了.有些头疼,但不是我可以控制的,所以我似乎不应该担心.
N o v e m b e r 7 , 2 0 0 2
回家.寻找温暖,寻找自由.身体的自由和心灵的自由.
耳边响起人鬼情未了的主题曲,我的心情一下子变的很怪.怀旧的情绪.接下来又是甲壳虫乐队的"昨日".昨天对我来说,既很遥远,又近在眼前.无忧无虑的日子大概从上初一起就没有了.真的那么快,一晃六年过去了吗?我已经从一个刚刚迈入青春期的小孩真正开始变成大人了.人生太短暂了,这也许是我现在最想感叹的.
爱在不知不觉,慢慢地增长.
昨天发出去给清唱团的email得到了很多回应.我还是不能肯定我是否完全正确地表达了我的意思,但是不管怎么样,我觉得很高兴我有这样的勇气表达我的想法.我们整个团成员之间的交流是对这个团健康发展密不可缺的.
N o v e m b e r 6 , 2 0 0 2
今天考了music 25, 觉得考的很惨.本来以为这节音乐课会是最轻松,最有意思的,没想到现在它是成绩最差,最让我讨厌的课.也许是因为我真的不喜欢这个老师,也许是因为我从刚开始就没有太上心,也许我根本没有这方面的天赋.不管怎样,至少我现在知道我在音乐方面的兴趣并没有我想象的那么强烈.
very ironically, 物理课上烦闷的实在受不了了.我暗暗对自己说,我要transfer到wharton, so that i never have to deal with this crap again.没想到下课之后发了上次期中考试的卷子,我竟然得的90分.全班的平均分是65,我整整高了35分,绝对是A+了.难以想象,难以想象.是不是我学物理还是有一点希望的?也许转到wharton太费精神了,不是吗?哈哈...我的主意永远也定不了,总是在犹豫,在考虑.
WARNING: right now i'm in one of those mood swings. my emotion is not stable. take caution or otherwise you might be attacked.
刚刚从排练回来.今天的情绪极为的不好,主?潜荒强啥竦目际阅值?.一直抓不到学习的要领.觉得已经很明白了,可是还似乎糊里糊涂地.我很担心会因为这门课我的成绩不够转到沃顿去.如果是因为物理或者数学的成绩不够我会自认愚蠢,但是如果是因为音乐课,实在让我有苦说不出的感觉,太亏了.
总是对自己的未来充满了疑惑,突然之间似乎一切都没有了意义.只是很想哭.咬着牙控制住了自己的感情.我觉得自己很怪.
其实我也很没有安全感.我需要静下来好好想一想了.我这段时间浮在空中太多了,太依赖于别人了.我太习惯于自己的独立,自己对自己感情和情绪的掌握了,当我不需要自己的时候反而觉得很害怕.害怕自己失去了自我调节的能力了.也许因为我经历过孤独,所以我永远也会害怕再有那样的孤独.
他说我分析的太多了.他说的对.但是我就是这样.分析是我理清自己思路的方式.
另一件让我心情不好的事情...简单爱最后决定不让我领唱了.doug的意思仿佛是说原来简单爱已经很好了,自从我开始领唱就不好了.我觉得很冤枉.第一,本来简单爱并不是为我量身定做的歌.我敢于在lisa?丫?的很好打出名气之后接手就是一种勇??.第二,平时在排练的时候,我们也唱的不错的,只是因为在演出的时候大家都紧张了....
写了一半,我决定给整个合唱团写一封email,讲一下我的感受.我觉得我应该让大家都知道.
N o v e m b e r 5 , 2 0 0 2
我发现往往我们需要提醒自己,要学会保护自己.有的时候不知不觉中?颐鞘艿缴撕?.比受到伤害更可怕的事情是当我们没有意识到这种伤害.也许短期内不会收到任何影响,但深埋的伤口更加难以愈合.在不经意的时候这样的伤口会把我们引向致命的道路.
可怕的不是意识到我的生命中有哪些缺陷,可怕的是我刻意的逃避和借口.
不好又能怎样?我们可以掌握自己的生命,我们可以让自己的生命更好.重要的不是结果,而是过程.
yes i can be very pessimistic sometimes, and yes a lot of my writing is pensive and sad, sometimes even sound desperate. but once again, it's not about how much trouble you stay away from, it's about how you come out after all the troubles.
我从来没有放弃寻找幸福,从来没有?陨钔耆?,不管发生过什么.我相信爱,相信生命.
N o v e m b e r 4 , 2 0 0 2
很久没有更新我的网站.i've been lazy.今天心血来潮
今天是我和他的monthly anniversary. i knew we wouldn't be able to celebrate today cos it's a monday, so i "booked" him on saturday. the weekend was fantastic. not just good, but great. not just a thrill of joy, but feels good to the core. and i'm not even afraid that this good feeling is gonna go away. i know this warmth in my heart will stay.
学校里越来越忙,或者也许不是忙了,而?俏腋釉谝饬?.疯过了,闹过了,荒唐过了,懒过了,我觉得要慢慢踏下心来了.也许,并不在乎结果是什么,重要的是过程,重要的是我感觉很好.