Storyboards: Siaden

A forgotten one | Musings The clan | Replacement | The Thief | The Thief: the Return | Apprenticeship | An evening with Ordici | Insomnia | Passing | The letter | Reunion | Morning after | Decision | Suteki Da Ne | Austerity | Sunrise | Expiation | Bards

A forgotten one
There was a man born once, born a child like any other man. Finding a world of harsh light and hard angles, he was confused and frightened. But he shed no tears.
He grew, a youth like any other before him. He did not know if he was born good, ill, or neither, as all men never know. When others first looked into his eyes, and he first looked back, he knew he was not like them. Still, he shed no tears.
He grew to a boy and the world of harsh light and hard angles grew to mold him like any other. Caught with others who were like him, but not the same, he was enveloped in evil. When it was done, some remained, and he knew it for what it was. Still, he shed no tears.
In the same way he was enveloped in good, and when it was done, much remained, though the evil was not washed clean. Still, he shed no tears.
It was a world of harsh light and hard angles, and though he loved it, he was confused and frightened. He stepped into the world like any other man, and he saw. Chance ascribed destiny indiscriminately; there were gains and losses, happening to the rich and poor, the good and ill, the weak and strong, and to those he cared for most. He saw men fail and fall, even those he respected most. Amidst this, he looked to find someone who, like everyone else, was like him, but like him, wasn't the same as everyone else. He ached in the losing, gaining, and waiting. Still, he shed no tears.
He continued to see. He found evil and good as bedmates, he witnessed time take it's many awful prices, he saw the strongest become the weakest. He was found by someone who was like the others, but not the same. Still, he shed no tears.
He lived in the world of harsh light and hard corners, he lived with gains and losses, good and ill, strength and weakness, time and chance. He was like all of us, but not the same.
He shed no tears.
He rests now. An unmarked grave in a forgotten place, no longer part of the world of harsh light and hard angles.
No one shed any tears.
Not even his beloved; not even I.

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Musings
She had been thinking about him again.
She was resting at the healer's. Siaden had only been initiated into Adventurer's recently, but she hadn't been able to stay in one place long since that day. She had been traveling the land; aggressive Hrulgen had left her badly wounded. She snapped back into reality when Hafwen strolled in and grinned broadly at her.
"Did we have fun?"
Siaden smiled wryly at Haf. She hadn't had a decent friend in a long time. Even now she had trouble getting close to anyone here. She did respect them, and she tried to be pleasant enough, but to call someone a friend...
Still, they tolerated the difficulties in communication with her. And Hafwen seemed the best at deciphering her complicated gestures. She glanced at a rather long gash in her left arm and grimaced slightly as the so-called healer sprinkled a burning powder into the wound. He ignored her of course. Hafwen grinned yet again. "Gotta make sure the poison's gone Si."
She nodded in agreement. She didn't mind the pain so much really. She looked at Haf, then at her arm again, mimicked drinking, and pointed in the general direction of the lounge. Hafwen nodded.
"I'd be glad to meet you in the lounge for a drink later tonight, after you're done here." Siaden smiled genuinely at Hafwen, as a way of goodbye and thanks. Hafwen winked, then turned and left the room. Siaden sighed quietly to herself, rested her chin on her good hand and returned to her musings. She didn't notice the healer grumbling to himself about her movements.

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The clan
Gazing out the window from her room, Siaden curses herself as she realizes she's late for her meeting with Hafwen. Rushing, she puts her old journals away where they belong, tidies up her room, and manages to bang her freshly bound arm on the door on the way out. She silently curses herself a second time. Walking hurriedly down the hall she only smiles briefly at Ordici as she passes him. In the main hall, she nearly falls over Reidia in her haste. She touches Reidia's shoulders briefly by way of apology, nods her head in the direction of the lounge, smiles briefly and heads off again, although slower and more carefully.
Arriving in the lounge, she is relieved to see Hafwen sitting alone nursing a drink. She hurries over and sits down quietly, grimacing ever so slightly to apologize for her tardiness. Hafwen smiles slightly and shakes her head.
"It happens." Siaden looks upward with her eyes and smiles bashfully. She then points at Hafwen's drink. "You read my mind Si, it is looking a bit empty." Hafwen throws back her mug to drink the remaining amount, then hands it to Siaden. As she is refilling Hafwen's mug and getting herself a drink, her mind begins to drift. The oddness of her situation was an insistent fact in her mind. She had expected to spend the rest of her days wandering alone. She had planned on it. Yet, somehow, she had ended up here. Siaden sat down at the table and handed Hafwen her drink, then took a long swig of her own. Then another. Hafwen stretched out her arms and made a noise of satisfaction.
"How's the arm?" Siaden glances towards the door and makes a face, but after a moment shrugs and gives a thumbs-up signal with her good hand. Hafwen laughs hard and long. "Yes, that healer can be a bit of a rough brute, it's true, but no-one can say he doesn't patch us up good." Siaden nods and takes another drink. Why was she here? She struggled to remember over the haze of alcohol, her own blood and sweat, and the subdued hum of the surrounding conversations.
"Well, if you don't mind me asking..." Hafen lifts her mug and takes a long drink. "...have you always been mute?" Siaden's mouth opens almost unnoticeable in her surprise. Her eyes shift to the left for a moment, then slowly close. "I-" Siaden holds up her right hand. She smiles sadly at Hafwen, and shakes her had slightly. Hafwen takes a long drink and puts the mug down loudly. "Time for another refill!"
She was sick. It was raining hard and her badly tattered cloak provided little respite. She coughed, a long racking fit. She checked her hand; no blood this time.
"What do you want Si?" Hafwen yells from the bar. Siaden thinks for a moment, then grins and claps her hands together happily. She flamboyantly holds out two fingers. Hafwen chuckles and mixes up a particularly strong drink for her.
The sun was rising. It seemed like she had been stumbling down through the forest forever. As the trees cleared out she smiled; no more mountains. Well at least not for now, she had no specific place to go.
"So how was your latest traveling? Were you sent on a quest?" Siaden shakes her head no; it had not been a quest. They did not know how she would always yearn to continue moving. She smiles; she had felt something akin to enjoyment in her journey and all its aspects. "Good! Here's to a good journey and the hard earned rest that comes with it." Hafwen toasts Siaden and takes another long swig. She gets up for yet another refill, this time swaying just slightly.

She wasn't making it very far each day anymore. Her sickness was taking a lot of her strength, strength she needed for encounters with the maddened monsters of Ulgoland. Many would think her insane for choosing to travel here, save rash Mimbrate youths whose heads were filled with thoughts of glory. She limped now, and was thinning from lack of decent meals. She kept moving however, everyday, towards the rising sun.
"I was on a quest once," Hafwen's words had become a little slurred. "I ran into this JERK of a...oh...what do you call those people...?" Siaden smiles, she had only been sipping her second drink, taking her time. Hafwen had made it a bit strong. "A Cherek! The man wouldn't keep his hands off me. Well, they're certainly healed by now but I bet he hasn't forgotten me!" Siaden grins at her.
There was crusted blood on her chin, her legs were shaking, and it was raining. Raining hard, the night she stumbled through the gates of Camaar. She needed a place to stay, and her gold was running low. Definately not enough for a doctor. She stumbled through the quiet town. Looking for an inn was pointless; her vision was too blurred to make out the signs. Eventually she collapsed in a doorway.

Hafwen is snoring unobtrusively on the oak table. She isn't the only one tonight. Siaden carefully helps Hafwen up and allows her to lean on her right side. It is a bit difficult, but they stump and slip their way to Hafwen's room.
When Siaden woke up, she was bandaged in a clean bed. Over her was the visage of an amazing beautiful woman. She smiled gently at Siaden. "What's your name stranger?" Siaden grimaced, how to explain? She frowned and pointed at her throat. The amazing mystery woman nodded sagely "I see. You're mute." Again, she smiled gently at Siaden. Who was she? She was breathtaking. The instinct to flee this strange place sounded somewhere inside Siaden, but she was numb. Shock, surprise, confusion, exhaustion, and above it all, this woman somehow calming her; all left no room for other emotions. "I am Urmela. Tell me, have you heard of Adventurer's clan?" Siaden shook her head slowly. Urmela smiled again. "Maybe you should consider applying to join us. I think you may do well here. You may stay until you are healed. At that point, if you are not interested in us I will have to ask you to leave. If you are, well, I may allow you to stay. Think about it Siaden." Urmela smiled yet again, an incredibly disarming smile that banished all other thought. Gracefully, she stood and left the room.
Dimly, in a far corner of Siaden's mind, it occured to her that Urmela couldn't have known her name. She drifted off to a peaceful, healing sleep.

Siaden helps Hafwen into bed with much groaning, grumbling, and sweating. She stands over her for a moment to make sure she is comfortable, then quietly turns to leave. She gently closes the door behind her and thinks, Goodnight Haf.

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Replacement
Siaden was sitting in the adventurer's lounge, alone in her accustomed corner. It was empty tonight, for which she was thankful. A good thing she had strong control over her emotions though; if not one of the few clan members here earlier would have bothered her, and as well meaning as they may have been.
Siaden did not want to hear from anyone tonight. She had already downed quite a few mugs of ale. She wanted more. It always took quite a few to get her inebriated. She put her mug down rather forcefully on the bar and glared at the barkeep. She harbored no ill will towards him, but she was angry. Luckily for him he didn't mind his patrons manners very often and just filled her mug quietly.
She tossed him a few coins without looking to see their value, then returned to her corner and tried hard to focus on the architecture of the establishment.
"Nice to make your acquaintance, Khuldir."
"You must be the newest member of the Adventurer Clan."
"I see news travels quickly in this town."
Siaden's knuckles turned white as her grip on the mug's handle unconsciously became rather intense. Otherwise, she did not move.
"I'm not a member myself of course, but I do meet with some of them here. It's rather quiet tonight...I'm not sure who that is in the corner."
"What's your name girl?" Already this newcomer was irritating her. Her voice was infuriating for some reason. Siaden controlled herself however. She took a drink and focused harder at the architecture. "Well girl? You do have a name don't you?" The bar was silent as Athawe and Khuldir awaited Siaden's answer. "She's a rude one isn't she?"
"So it seems."
"Well Khuldir, what will you have?"
Even their small talk offended her tonight. She took a deep breath, a long drink, and tried to control herself. Then Reidia walked in. Great, it was turning into a real party tonight.
"Hello, I don't think we've met before. I am Reidia, you must be our newest member?"
"Yes I just joined, my name is Athawe."
"Welcome Athawe."
Why couldn't they go somewhere else to talk? Why did they even have to talk at all? It was late, they should be in their beds, or someone else's for all Siaden cared. Just not here.
"Tell me Reidia, do you know that rude girl in the corner?"
Siaden took a long drink. Reidia looked over at her and laughed.
"Rude is she? A little temper mental maybe. That's Siaden, she's a mute. Good evening Siaden." Siaden looked over and gave a slight nod to Reidia. She wasn't rude.
"Oh...Well Siaden I apologize for earlier, I didn't realize." She made no response. She thought that it was rather obvious she wasn't in the mood to make new friends tonight. "Alright then, have it your way girl." Siaden's knuckles turned white for the second time tonight.
"Well, I'm going to go to bed. It was nice to meet you Athawe." At the door she paused and turned, "Si," she nodded, then left.
Khuldir and Athawe talked quietly between themselves, Siaden continued to pay them no attention. When she went to refill her mug she merely shrugged her way past them. At this point Athawe decided she had had enough.
"Well girl, is there something you'd like to tell me?" A deliberate baiting.
Siaden leaned on the bar, closed her eyes, and gathered what shreds of patience she had left. She didn't want to hurt this girl, just wanted to be left alone. She turned and stared at Athawe flatly, who returned her gaze. She gave the girl a small amount of respect for her bravado. Siaden sighed and then held her hands up by way of apology. Athawe nodded. So it was clear that she just wanted to be left alone. Siaden took her refilled mug and began walking back to her table.
"Excuse me, but I am new here and I was wondering if you wouldn't mind giving me a tour?"
Siaden paused and sighed. What a night this was turning out to be. She quickly downed her mug then tossed it in the direction of the bar. She beckoned for Athawe to follow, then walked out without waiting for a response.
A moment later Athawe showed up. "Ok, where do we begin?" Siaden closed her eyes momentarily, the girl was definitely tiring. She pointed at the retired adventurer who guarded the door. The tour was on its way.
Siaden showed Athawe around quickly and efficiently despite the oddness of her communication. She was well practiced. The girl however seemed to be either stupid or purposefully aggravating, she never seemed to understand.
By the time the tour was over and they returned to the lounge (which was now empty, Khuldir had probably left to find an Inn for his stay in Camaar), Siaden's patience had run out. She had other things on her mind. She was glad to return to her corner and her ale.
"Well, thank you for the tour."
Siaden made no response. They both sat for a while, Siaden with her brooding, the girl trying to interest the bartender into conversation. Eventually she stood up.
"I think I'm going to bed. Thanks again, and good night Si." The girl jumped as a half filled mug of ale flew by her head and shattered on the wall. She turned to find Siaden glaring fiercely at her. "Whatever could be the matter Si?" That did it. Siaden walked purposefully over to her, very close, and very nearly throttled her. It took a lot of self-control. After a moment she turned and stepped to the closer chair, which she could lean on.
"Si...?"
Siaden cut through the air with her left hand to silence the girl. She was shaking now. Apparently Athawe either figured it out this time, or realized she had better not bait the mute again.
"Alright Siaden, I understand. I'm leaving now."
Siaden sat down hard, still shaking. The girl's arrival on the same day was enough already, being presumptious enough to call her 'Si' had nearly put her over the edge. With a great deal of inner strength, Siaden pulled herself together and stood. She again tossed the bartender a few coins without looking and left for her room.
She stood looking out the window. Suddenly, she stumbled towards the bed and collapsed on it. She began to sob. Hafwen was the first person to call her “Si” in a long time. Siaden had woken this morning to find her gone, no goodbye, no note, nothing. Gone. No one knew anything, or if they did, they weren't talking.
Eventually her sobbing seceded. They would meet again. And then Si would know.

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The thief
Siaden was running hard. Her lungs were screaming; she couldn't go on, she was ready to collapse. But the screams she heard were louder still.

She woke up groggy and confused. An irritating, persistent knocking at her door had disturbed her. She stumbled over and opened it, finding the disgustingly exuberant visage of Ordici. No one should feel that pleasant this early.
"Mornin' bed-head!" His grin received only a sour stare, but he paid her no mind. Still beaming, he rocked up and down on his toes impatiently. "Well, aren't you going to invite me in?" he beamed a smile at her.
Siaden's look turned sourer, but she neatly stepped aside and allowed him entry. While he was getting comfortable (too comfortable), she made her bed and gathered herself as best she could this early. She hoped there would be something hot and fresh to drink waiting for her at breakfast. Siaden sat and faced Ordici. 'Well.' her look said. He grinned. He never paid any attention to her grumpy expressions.
"Today's the big day Siaden, hope you got plenty of sleep." Her frown receded and was replaced by a curious look. "Orders from above. I guess they decided it's time you pulled some more weight around here. This one seemed like it’s more serious than most. Here are the details."
Ordici handed her a small plain envelope. Siaden groaned inwardly, just what she wanted to do today; go on a 'more-serious-than-most' quest. She set the envelope down and against many playful protests and attempts at distraction, eventually managed to usher Ordici out. The man was entirely too friendly.
By the time she left the clan building it was to encounter a very bright, very noisy mid-day. At least she would be out of Camaar and on the road for a while. The envelope hadn't held much weight in the way of details. It seemed a snobby Tolnedran noble was offering a hefty reward for aid. Something 'precious' had been stolen and she had to steal it back, of course. He insisted that he knew who the culprit was, and that it would be a dangerous job. She would have to go to Tol Rane and seek him out for more details... of course.
Siaden paused outside the Camaar gate. After a moment she shook her head and continued on. Idle memories and daydreams were nothing more than that, and she had a job to do.

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The Thief: the Return
It had been three weeks since she left Camaar. Siaden was returning tired, bone tired. The kind of exhaustion that comes not only from the body, but the mind and the heart. The noise of the city was a great calamity all around her, permeating inside her. The faces she was forced to look upon were a pestilence that made her eyes itch and strain. She hated them all. She wanted to watch them burn.
Siaden sighed. She wanted to believe it, everything would be easier. But it had come from a small bitter voice with a flair for the melodramatic. And it was nothing more than a small melodramatic voice. In truth, she didn't care about them either way. Her eyes, her every mannerism always maintained a cold calculated distance.
She didn't want to care.
Siaden shook her head. She was tired. Bone tired. She increased her step slightly while pulling her cloak and hood tighter. The prospect of a fresh clean bed never seemed so good before.
When she arrived at the clan hall she moved quietly and discretely towards her room, hoping to evade any clan mates for the night. Her luck held for once. She shut her door behind her and leaned against it, breathing a sigh of relief. She went straight to bed.
Lying on her side and squeezing her pillow tightly, Siaden realized just how tired she had been. She didn't want to see these faces anymore. Even though she had just arrived she was ready to leave again. She wanted solitude, she wanted to be moving. The sanctity of her room would have to do for tonight. Siaden smiled dryly, reminding herself of a certain memory.
As a young girl she had often had trouble sleeping. She didn't like being alone, though not for any tangible reason she could identify. Her mother would hold her and speak softly to her. Many times Siaden had heard her mother's favorite poem.
Siaden squeezed her pillow tightly to her chest. Her mother had been very beautiful; a gentle but strong woman with a soft warm voice. She closed her eyes and let herself drift to darkness, body and mind.

...My feet tug at the floor
And my head sways to my shoulder
Sometimes when I watch the trees sway
From the window or the door.
I shall set forth for somewhere
I shall make the reckless choice
Some day when they are in voice
And tossing so as to scare
The white clouds over them on.
I shall have less to say
But I shall be gone.

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Apprenticeship
The heat was intense, a wall blocking her path. She had to act; someone was crying. "Daddy daddy, please wake up!" -A little girl. What the hell is going on?! "Daddy why wont you get up??!" I have to get to them? How?!

Siaden shot up in bed sweating heavily. It had been six months since she joined Adventurers, but the comfort of a good bed every night had done nothing for her nightmares. She sighed. Time to get up. She cleaned and dressed herself automatically, her mind mostly just voiding. She didn't really want to think about anything. At breakfast she ran into Ordici and Athawe. The were having a mostly subdued conversation (so the girl could be quiet after all). They greeted her but generally left her to her own thoughts. Siaden ate slowly, drifting in and out of their conversation, occasionally making a gesture to comment.
She hadn't been here long before her apprenticeship started. Along with training under some of the more grizzled adventurers, she was also handed over to Floyd. The man was ruthless; Siaden was sure he did his best to know as soon as she returned from one quest so he could send her on another immediately. Between running around the world for him and training constantly (her instructors expected improvement even while she was gone), she had little time to herself for quite awhile. She didn't begrudge them, however, and had worked hard; if she couldn't control her mind through the night at least she could distract herself during the day.
Siaden smiled to Ordici and Athawe as they finished and left. She was feeling relaxed. Her efforts had been recognized and she had been granted two days to herself. She thought she was going to go camp outside Camaar. Not too far as her training resumed early morning her first day back, but far enough.
She finished eating and cleaned up after herself, then gathered what few provisions she wanted and left. Siaden walked through Camaar without really seeing anything; she could get through the town blindfolded now. Her mind drifted through recent events, images and voices floating in and out.
"Siaden, I need you to help an old business acquaintance in Tol Honeth, and you'd better hurry."
"Deliver this to a Nyissan named Sukechi, you'll find him in Vo Mandor."
"You should have learned this by now girl! Practice harder!"
"Quickly, there's not much time."
"Siaden ... find ... train ... Kill ... deliver ... learn ..."
Siaden smiled contently to herself. She had been busy certainly, but she had improved and learned much. There would be more to learn of course, but one of her first lessons had been that there would always be more to learn. Right now she was looking forward to some quiet time by herself in the forest.
It was a beautiful fall day. She always liked fall best, everything felt balanced. A dulled yet warming light from the half clear-half clouded sky, nature both dieing and blooming, varied colors and amounts of leaves blending the trees together.
Finding a suitable small clearing she put down her load and rested a moment. She heard the gentle babble of a small brook somewhere nearby, and decided she would fish some. She clapped her hands together and smiled happily. Yes, fresh fish sounded like a very good dinner today. With only her ears to guide her she headed off in the direction of the sound.

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An evening with Ordici
Ordici and Siaden were taking a walk through Camaar. It was partly for pleasure, mostly to check up on just who and what was passing through the city currently. They 'chatted' away quietly, to most eyes just a pair of old friends out for a stroll before the evening set in. Mostly it was routine; a certain layer of filth exists in even the cleanest places. It promised to be a quiet day, for which Siaden was glad. Part of her actually enjoyed this little excursion. Of course, there was that strange Ulgo constantly hovering on the edge of her vision.
They had met once before. The man had been a fool, gaping at her with his jaw dropped. So she was mute. He had been a bit of a strange one himself, with his white skin and hair. Siaden had lost her temper and stormed off.
A young pickpocket bumped into her, almost a completely normal experience except she was a skilled thief herself. She discretely blocked his way to her money purse (pretending to move her arm while turning sideways to create space for passing), while smoothly dropping a little note she carried for just such situations. He would get quite a shock later on. Siaden smiled to herself. Hopefully he would take her advice (though probably he wouldn't). She sighed.
There he was again. The strange little man just kept popping up. He started to move almost jerkily towards her, then quickly turned about. He was an odd one.
"You seem to have quite a fan there Si." Ordici said. Siaden nodded. "Any idea who he is?" Siaden narrowed her eyes slightly, then shook her head. "I overheard some gossip about an Ulgo hanging around lately. Seems he's got a real reputation for making himself available and helping people out. Maybe he's looking for converts?" Ordici grinned. Siaden only furrowed her brow further.
The sky was starting to turn overcast; they would have to return soon. Siaden felt as though the weather was declining in parallel with her mood. She would have to seek out more information about the strange man in the next few days. She made a distasted face as they passed a particularly corrupt merchant who had recently gottem himself into trouble for lechery.
'We should probably head back for the clan hall now... ' Siaden thought to herself. She threw a glance at Ordici to discover he was no longer paying particular attention to his surroundings, but holding his Brianna doll with a downtrodden expression. 'Definately time to head back.. ' She motioned to Ordici.
As she turned about, she was surprised to find the strange Ulgo standing in front of her. They both must have gotten a little lost in thought to allow him to get that close unawares.
"He, hello Lady Siad, Siaden," he stammered, looking at his feet. She shifted her wait to one leg and waited with an expression of exasperation. "I wanted to...it's just well..I mean.." He was sweating. Very odd indeed. "I'm sorry for being so rude last we met!" He blurted. There was silence for a moment, Siaden refused to give him any ground and showed no change of emotion. He took a breath and continued. "My name is Elhemdon, and I didn't mean to offend you. Here." He handed her a rose. She took the offering with a look of amused distain. Elhemdon looked up at her, then at his feet, then glanced away and walked off mumbling something about helping a local with a job.
Siaden looked at the rose and sighed tiredly. She noticed Ordici grinning broadly, but refused to acknowledge him. They headed back to the clan hall, Siaden placidly ignoring Ordici's joking and harassment about Elhemdon.

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Insomnia
"DADD---" An ominous groaning that gripped Siaden's heart and froze it drowned out the screaming. Then a sickening snapping; like the sound of one's arm or leg bones snapping, but amplified a hundredfold. She was going to throw up in the pain and noise, the heat and smoke. For an instant that seemed to last forever, everything was still, and there was silence.
Then,

Siaden shuddered. Her dreams were getting worse. She had only been able to sleep a few hours tonight before she waked violently. The breeze chilled her and she shivered, but she was grateful; it had brought her mind back to the moment. She was wearing a flimsy yet elegant nightgown, resting by the edge of the small pond just outside the clan hall.
'It's a beautiful night,' she thought. So very different than the world she had just been in. The moon was nearly full, the sky filled with grayed-white clouds on the move with fast winds. By morning everything above her would be far away, over the heads of distant communities, maybe broken apart and scattered to different corners of the world.
Siaden closed her eyes and slowly took a deep breath of the cool, clean, crisp night air. She was half-laying on her side, holding her upper body up with her left arm. The soft, damp grass felt like velvet beneath her. She ran her free hand through her long, straight auburn hair. The night calmed her frayed nerves, slowly filling her with a feeling of peace. She looked at her reflection in the water. A smooth face, almost round but longer than wide; bringing definition to her slightly dimpled cheeks. Full lips, thin eyebrows that matched her hair, and deep green eyes.
The trees sighed. Siaden closed her eyes and drank in the world around her. She sprawled on the grass and imagined slowly sinking back-first into the cold, quiet Earth. Directly above, Cassiopeia shined down upon her gently. She smiled, wondering what it must be like to sit upside-down on a throne for eternity.
Another breeze passed through, pulling at her hair and fanning it on the ground around her head, rippling her gown. Long after she stopped feeling it, she watched it dancing away in the grass.

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Passing
It was warm. A moderately bright day, calm and pleasant. Siaden was searching through some of the less reputable shops in Camaar, trying to find a particular item an 'old friend' of Floyd's had requested. It was nice to have some simple menial work for a change; she could let her body run on automatic and drift mentally.
She was beginning to wonder if this item really was in Camaar after all. Pausing outside a fruitless shop, she checked her description yet again before continuing her search. She wasn't particularly in a hurry, but she wanted to get it back by the required time. If she didn't, not only would she not get a reward, her trainers would have her head for failing such a simple task. She shrugged and stepped forward. No use worrying about it right now.
Siaden froze suddenly, pedestrian traffic parting around her unhesitant. 'Was that...? ' She shook her head, hoping to somehow clear the image from her mind's eye. 'It couldn't have been... ' she thought. She continued moving, though a little unsteady; distracted.
She walked right by the shop at first. Her mind was still mulling over what she thought she saw. Suddenly those thoughts vanished as she realized she had just seen the long sought item. Resolutely she turned about and began looking for the reality of the broken image she saw in her memory. Siaden smiled victoriously as she came upon the shop. She had found her item. Why anyone would want such a ridiculous piece of artwork she didn't know, but then again, she knew better than to ask questions. She emerged from the shop feeling satisfied, curiously examining the trophy in her hands. She gasped as she bumped into someone. It was the very strange, very white, Elhemdon. She smiled mentally; he seemed to have quite a knack for appearing suddenly.
"Good to see you again Lady Siaden." He bowed deeply. Siaden smiled and nodded, she was feeling gracious today. "My friend Khuldir helped me find you. I was wondering if you might like to have dinner with me, perhaps we could better get to know one another better?"
It was getting on in the afternoon, and Siaden hadn't been served a warm meal for quite awhile. She considered him a moment, then smiled, turned and without looking back headed toward a pleasant, low key tavern she knew of. Elhemdon smiled happily to himself and followed.
Siaden froze yet again, this time turning sharply about to try and follow the spectre. Yet again it had disappeared. Elhemdon asked,
"Is something wrong lady?" Distractedly, she shook her head. She was still scanning the crowd. She sighed and turned for the tavern.
The sun was setting as she left Camaar. It promised to be a cold though gentle night. Siaden pulled her cloak tighter around her and relaxed her step. She would be able to walk for awhile yet before she made camp. She could have stayed in Camaar for the night in her room, but she had spent enough time at the tavern with Elhemdon. She had enjoyed the meal, and the company wasn't that bad as it turned out.
He had carried the conversation quietly, telling lilting tales of his past, yet not being self-centered or too talkative. He wasn't as bad as first impression had made him seem. The image floated back into her mind. Her features tightened in an expression of frustrated concentration. Twice she thought she had seen Hafwen amongst the crowds. Siaden shook her head fiercely, hoping to convince herself to drop the subject. She was probably just tired that's all. There was certainly a reasonable chance that she had seen someone else with similar features.
She made camp after the moon had travelled about a third of his path. It was a relatively light night, she hadn't had trouble moving. And she wasn't particularly concerned with bandits in this area, and if a few foolish ones had happed across her path, they would have paid for it; not her. Siaden set up quickly and simply, no fire tonight. She would sleep in, perhaps have a warm breakfast, and set off after the sun hits its zenith. She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep, Hafwen's image in her mind.
'... It couldn't have been her... '

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The letter
The shape of the jagged edges of broken glass holds a certain fascination. The sheet retains its integrity, bearing a blemish or scar inside. A series of apparently random bitter edges; spikes and dips. It aims in, to its own center; desperately drawing attention while protectively threatening off. It aims out, to its shell; about to eat away what remains when near restoration. It has its own story, its own history. It is alive, emotions and events are told in its varied characteristics. A monolith it remains; unmoving, unchanging. A small presence gleams and trickles down.

- A powerful violence which speaks of anger and hatred truly condemns itself, its sorrow hidden in the spaces between -

Siaden had destroyed most of her room. Her few possessions were strewn in pieces amongst themselves, havoc on the floor. The only thing which remained untouched was her bed, creating a semi-circle of broken materials from one side of the back wall to the other. She was panting heavily, her hair glued by sweat to her face, her forehead furrowed and arms clenched. Her fists were bleeding. There was a myriad of marks, colors, and indents along the walls. Recklessly, violently, she was beating the room itself with her entire body. In the centre was the bed; silent, untouched.
Various clan mates had come and gone from her door, trying to gain entry. Ordici had remained awhile, Reidia as well. Others had given up sooner. She had let no-one in. They had given up knocking and pleading, although she didn't know if there was anyone still camped outside her door. She didn't care either.
Siaden very nearly attempted to strike the door down. However the small amount of rationality still present in her mind reminded her that the door was what kept everyone out. She turned back inward to her room and quickly turned away to the side. Searching in the rubble on the floor, she knew there had to be something which could be broken into smaller pieces.
Eventually she subsided. Exhausted, Siaden had not been able to lift her arms up again. The room however was already thoroughly destroyed. She stumbled to her bed. Neatly made, bearing no marks, it seemed utterly displaced. She had collapsed on it and fallen asleep. Underneath her, on the centre of the bed, was a small envelope. She had found it waiting upon her arrival, slipped under her door while she had been away working for Floyd, (she would find out from Reidia later just when it had arrived; the same day she had had dinner with Elhemdon).

Siaden,
I've come back. I'll be waiting for you in the usual place.
Hafwen.

- The smallest stream can erase the largest mountain -

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Reunion
The night was darkening fast. A large group of storm clouds blocked out most of the stars; the moon was only a sliver. A good night for crooks, thieves and murderers. A good night for dirty business.
A few large rats stirred as a large nearby puddle was violently splashed on them. They blinked, chittered angrily at the passerby and returned to their scavenging. The thin figure kept moving, its form appearing to shift as it melted in and out of shadows. It moved quickly and purposefully, although carefully. It was slowly circling through the city, getting closer and closer to its destination; a quiet little tavern.
Her hand rested on the handle of a long dagger at her side. She had murder on her mind. A simple plan; one short step in the doorway, a quick throw of the blade, and her target wouldn't trouble the world anymore.
She grinned to herself. She found it rather amusing that the girl would die in the same city they had met long ago; in the same city she had been done wrong. Amusing, and appropriate. She quickened her pace, she was anxious for the kill.
Coming around a bend the girl nearly walked into a pair of guards in her haste. She swore to herself silently and hugged the wall and its shadows. The guards were laughing raucously; she had stepped into the middle of a crude conversation. They were also moving rather slowly. The figure groaned inwardly, she would have to listen to their slop while waiting for them to pass. Every second that passed made her feel like she was drifting slowly away from her goal. Eventually she breathed a sigh of relief and continued on. It wouldn't be long now.
Confident that her movements had not been noticed, she turned onto her destined street. It was a filthy back alley, and an appropriate final resting ground in her opinion. Pausing a moment, she looked around the street towards the tavern for activity. Besides a beggar or two it was empty. She stepped out from beneath a dripping ledge and assumed the walk of one of the city's more average tenants; tired after a long day and in need of strong drink. Her hand gripped her weapon firmly.
From inside the tavern she could hear loud and drunken yelling, swearing, and laughter. 'Good. ' she thought; there would be plenty of confusion to aid her escape. She reached the tavern door and took one last look around the street to make sure there were no nearby guards, although this close to her goal she would ignore them anyway and hope to be able to evade them fleeing. She grinned, it was her lucky night. Satisfied, she turned towards the door and paused only a moment.
She opened the door and quickly spotted her target. Careful not to make an alerting sound, she drew her long poison-tipped dagger from her belt and raised her arm. Hafwen was leaning over the bar with her back to the door, not fifteen feet away. She would be easy to hit.

A rush of air that sounded almost like a sigh escaped the girl's mouth as everything turned black. She collapsed on the floor without ever knowing what happened, only to wake up later in a prison cell.

Siaden grimaced at the crumpled body in front of her. There was some blood where she had struck with the hilt of her weapon, she hoped she hadn't hit so hard as to kill or she'd be the one in trouble. She had noticed the girl only two streets away from the tavern's, and on a whim had decided to follow the suspicious character. It was lucky she had gotten close while the girl had paused outside the tavern; she had barely had enough time to strike her. She dragged the still form out of the doorway; it wouldn't be very polite to make it any harder to walk for the already unsteady patrons of the tavern. She turned and looked in the bar.
The tavern was crowded, seeming even more closed in because of its low ceiling and the ever-present haze of smoke hovering over everyone's heads. Barely audible over the din was the crackling of the fire not far from where she stood. Only a few people had noticed the scene, the noise had drowned out the sound of her weapon connecting with the would-be-murderer's skull. She found Hafwen sulking over the bar; she had not been one of those people.
For a moment, Siaden forgot where she was and everything around her. Swaying, she nearly collapsed onto the body behind her. She caught herself and closed her eyes, regaining her composure. When she opened them however, she still didn't move. A few people were still staring at her, but she didn't notice them. She wasn't sure what to do. Earlier she had thought about her many choices, even made plans. She was going to approach quietly and simply sit down next to Hafwen and order a drink without even acknowledging her. Actually being there however, everything she had thought of faded away.
Slowly, silently, she approached Hafwen. Siaden stopped a few feet behind her, unsure of herself.

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Morning after
The crashing was a soul penetrating thunder; the kind of sound only made by the air's screaming protest as it is ripped apart by the rarest most intense lightening. Siaden collapsed to her knees. The little girl's screams still rang in her mind.
"Daddy please!" But only in her mind; the house had collapsed. The fire had reached its peak and would begin to burn out before long. Soon there would be nothing left.

Siaden awoke to find herself lying on the floor with a splitting headache. Squinting, she looked up and noticed her bed seemed to be rather high. Pulling a blanket down for warmth, she groaned and stretched out on the floor. Rolling onto her side, she looked out through her broken window for a moment and then closed her eyes.
It had been a long night. At least she thought so, she didn't exactly remember. She did however remember a crumpled body, a noisy smoke filled room, and her. She was also aware, without actually remembering, that there had been a large quantity of alcohol.
Siaden come down to breakfast rather late, and rather unkempt. She didn't care today however; she was in too much of a good mood. She grinned sheepishly at the others who were lounging in the room.
"You're in a disgustingly good mood today." Athawe noted. It was true in fact, true enough that Siaden wasn't at all angered by her. She merely stuck her tongue out at Athawe impishly and began her breakfast. "Well, I never..." Siaden noticed that despite her supposed indignity Athawe still had a smile on her lips.

- News travels fast. -

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Decision
A gentle wind caressed the leaves of a nearby tree. The meadow swayed and sighed. The sun was fleeing the sky. The fire sputtered, cracked, and spit. Siaden was kneeling, her arms limp at her sides. Tears streamed down her cheeks and fell to the Earth. Her hands clenched to fists.
Siaden opened her eyes slowly, not wanting to come to consciousness. Too many memories were flooding in as reality broke through her shattered dreams; she wanted to hide from the light in her window. She sighed. Shaking, she curled into a ball around her pillow and tried to think of her mother.
The sun had risen past its zenith by the time Siaden got out of bed. Wiping her tears from her eyes, she steeled herself and began preparing. She had come to a decision; the nightmares would only get worse if she continued to ignore them. Somewhere inside she knew; the time for her to return had come. Siaden paused outside her door, looking into her room for a moment before she turned and walked away.
She wandered through the clan somewhat aimlessly, letting the feeling of the place which had become something akin to a home sink in. As she found various clan mates she wanted to say goodbye to, she managed with difficulty to explain to each of them that she wanted to see them in the main clan hall. When she finished touring and returned to the hall, it was to find an assorted group of people in quiet conversation. Scanning the room, the first she saw was Athawe.
She grinned. Athawe and she had started out on the wrong foot, to put it lightly. Most of the time the girl tried her patience, but she saw something underneath her rough outer layer. They had a sort of awareness and respect for each other, if not a friendship so much. Athawe was talking to Reidia. Siaden didn't know Reidia very well, but felt that she would like to get to know her eventually. She had always felt comfortable with Reidia's warmness and admired her beauty. One day she would get to know her better. In the centre was Ordici, trying to maintain multiple conversations at once. Siaden smiled, she expected no less. Despite her apparently gloomy temperament, she got along rather well with the generally exuberant young man. There were various others in the room as well, including Maochro, Qethia, Wylset and Urmela.
Siaden sighed and stepped into the room purposefully. She did her best to communicate the gravity of her situation in her expression. She went to Ordici first, smiled and hugged him. Then to Reidia, whom she winked at before hugging. She stepped to Urmela, looking to her with no expression for a moment, then curtsied gracefully.
They had stopped talking now, their attention upon her. She stepped out from them and smiled broadly, although a little sadly. It was going to be awhile before she would see any of them again. She wasn't even sure if she would see them again, she wanted them to have at least an idea of this. She bowed her head slightly to all of them and closed her eyes, then turned to leave. Remember something, she stopped and turned around. Siaden walked to Athawe and patted her on the head, then quickly spun about and walked out before she could respond, grinning broadly.

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Suteki Da Ne
Siaden stands in a forgotten world, her hair flowing in the wind. The silence is broken only by the weeping of nearby trees. She stands alone, unmoving, ignoring the insistent message of the breeze. Above her the sun is retreating, disappearing. The clouds shy away, hurriedly moving through the sky on a ceaseless journey to another place. They are neither here nor there, forever. Before her is a small simple stone embedded in the Earth. Their light dancing impassioned, her green eyes rest on it.


...I'll be here...
...Why?...
...I'll be 'waiting'...here...
...For what?...
I'll be waiting...for you...so..
If you come here, you'll find me.

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Austerity
Siaden was running hard. Her lungs were screaming, she couldn't go on. She was ready to collapse. But the screams she heard were louder still.
She had been gone awhile; in Boktor on business. It was a disgusting city, but it was nearby and it was large. Like most Drasnians she enjoyed the arguing and haggling too. That would be the last time she could ever enjoy it however.
The heat was intense, a wall blocking her path. She had to act; someone was crying.
"Daddy daddy, please wake up!"
A little girl. What the hell is going on?!
"Daddy why won’t you get up??!”
I have to get them? How?!
"DADD--"
An ominous groaning that gripped Siaden's heart froze it, drowned out the screaming. Then a sickening snapping; like the sound of one's arm or leg bones snapping, but amplified a hundredfold. She was going to throw up in the pain and noise, the heat and smoke. For an instant that seemed to last forever, everything was still, and there was silence. Then, the crashing was a soul penetrating thunder; the kind of sound only made by the air's screaming protest as it is ripped apart by the rarest most intense lightening. Siaden collapsed to her knees. The little girl's screams still rang in her mind.
"Daddy please!"
But only in her mind; the house had collapsed. The fire had reached its peak and would burn out before long. Soon there would be nothing left.
They were gone.
Her love; he was part of the Earth now.
Her beautiful little girl, she had been silenced.
They were gone.
"Palion........ Ath...."

A gentle wind caressed the leaves of a nearby tree. The meadow swayed and sighed. The sun was fleeing the sky. The fire sputtered, cracked, and spit. Siaden was kneeling, her arms limp at her sides. Tears streamed down her cheeks and fell to the Earth.
Her hands clenched to fists.

"We sar the place as we was passin’ throuh. If I 'er in charge I 'oulda kept going, didn't bet der was nothin' but junk-"
"This blade's getting hard to hold back...." She whispered into his ear warningly. He gulped, and after a moment continued fearfully.
"We 'id until dark, then we broke in. The man tried to fight but Kahya.." he trailed off to silence.
"What." She demanded fiercely.
Caldor gulped again. "... Stabbed him in the back."
Her heart wrenched.
"And the girl?" She questioned from between clenched teeth.
"Girl??"
"Don't act like a fool. There was a young girl in the house."
"'Onestly, I don't know what yer talking about." He whimpered.
She grunted. Ath had probably been asleep, and woke after they set the fire. Siaden had tracked the bandits from the remains and found their camp by night. Five men she had woken and plunged her blade into. Five men she had not allowed the ease of dying in their sleep. Now there was only this snivelling cretin, Caldor. She had promised to spare him for his story.
She removed the blade from his throat, spun him and held it over his groin. She leaned in close to his face and whispered, "Go. Before I change my mind."
Impassively she watched him run wildly for a few long moments, then threw her blade, placing it neatly between his shoulders.
She left their corpses to bleed into the earth as they had left her family to burn.

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Sunrise
The early sun was warm and eased her tensions as she sat leaning against a large birch tree. Siaden's eyes were closed, her mind blank allowing all the feeling to sink into her bones. The lush meadow grass beneath and around her was the colour of hay at its tips and high enough for her to swim in, towering above her head. Her features softening with every passing moment; the many gentle sounds, sweet fragrances, and soft feelings a beautiful melody that both reassured and relaxed her while vivifying her heart in her breast. Nearby was a small brook which brought fresh cold water to the myriad inhabitants of this forgotten glade hidden amongst mountains which were still a fresh scar to the World. A gentle fire crackling in the hearth gave a pleasant warmth the smoke everywhere, blinding her and choking her. She knew that among other wildflowers there were lilacs somewhere nearby; although she had not been able to locate them she had found a small patch of lush daises which were now not eight feet behind her. The room was small and enclosing, though Siaden felt completely comfortable. She wasn't startled by the scratching of claws burying into bark as a small forest creature made its way to the webbing of her birch's branches and only sank confused and terrified screams were echoing through her galling her further into emotional and mental oblivion.

She had been here once before, sitting across from him with her legs resting on his knees she knew an almost tangible connection to him Palion, passing through as they saw the world and searched for a place to make their home. Her blood, a trail of angry red earth leading away from the campsite; drips from the bane she carried in her left hand and water in this very earth now, not far away where the enshrouding trees met a sea of grass and cold grey mountain rock.
Siaden had laboured for an indeterminable length of time, days even weeks all melded 'when we made love you used to cry' together, she was kneeling in rage, offering rust to the earth, cutting, carving, digging, moving and covering. All that could be seen of her toil was the small smooth carven surface protrusion of a massive stone which held deep into the earth. The scorched earth was hot like blood and blackened like ashes. Siaden laughed and responded 'anyway, what'ya gonna do about it?' Siaden was trekking through the forest without feeling, emptied by pain and fury. 'I can't do anything except be in love with you' the gasping and gargling of air choked by blood neither moved nor satiated her grim visage 'Let's just lay here entwined undiscovered, safe in here...' covered in soot, dirt and blood, she stumbled, walking away from her world '...There's a place for us.'
Siaden had lost the world completely, leaning against her birch tree. Inside her a battle of memories was raging fiercely, as it had constantly for months. The darker of the two had always been on the foreground in her waking hours, and it had always worn out. A tear rolled free from her left cheek and slowly travelled down her face, falling free and staining the earth.

Siaden and Palion sat together silently for a long time. He rested comfortably in a large satin chair, gazing into the fire. His left arm rested along his waist and the fingers of his right hand slowly and gently moving intricate designs on her ankle. She sat next to him, her bare legs on his knees and her arms folded enveloping herself, each hand holding the opposing shoulder. The small fire alone illuminated them, creating an illusion that they were half real and half shadow, the line blurred and dancing. Eventually Siaden stirred, Palion only moving his hand off her ankle as she brought her feet to the floor. Her hair falling in front of her face she straddled over his knees and after a moment smoothly sank down onto him, filling him with the sound of her breath the smell of her damp hair and the feeling of her smooth soft skin, her lips giving a gentle kiss to his neck that felt like the soul of the wind. He sighed inside and slowly moved to enfold her, holding her so close to himself as to never lose contact with her, so close that she might sink into him. "Si" he whispered, kissing her head gently. She shuddered once, they both held the pain inside them fiercely, lovingly.

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Expiation
She was crying. Unabashed, unrelenting, unmitigated. She was alone,and she was crying. She desperately wanted to scream. She wanted violence, destruction. Self-abuse, hatred, disgust and distaste. She wanted to pull her hair and rip her clothes, she wanted to kick and punch. She wanted to take vengeance on everything around her; she wanted to take vengeance on herself.
She was crying. Inside, there were no questions of why, no screams of protest or anger. Her mind wasn't reeling, she wasn't surprised or shocked. She wasn't contented with a sense of purpose or reason. She didn't blame fate. She didn't blame herself. There was no wisdom to learn. She couldn't look forward.
She was crying. She wasn't replaying any memories or visions. She didn't recall things that had been said or done. She wanted an image to grasp and hold, to force into being. There were no recollected senses, no attached sounds or smells, no warmth or softness of touch. She didn't remember anything.
She was crying. It was absolute, it was complete. Nothing had changed, nothing would change. There was no victory, there was no solution. There was no compromise or silver lining. Nothing faded or eased, time did not heal. Underneath a thin crust of stagnation, everything was still the same. There was nothing, and there was nowhere to go. There was only defeat.
She was crying. She wanted to be sorry, but she couldn't be forgiven.
-Like a fool, I fell in love with you-

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Bards
... Palion....... Palion......... Palion!!

Siaden shot up and breathed in hard, feeling like she had been punched in the chest. She opened her eyes quickly; a mistake. The blinding light made her eyes water and she moaned as her hand rose to block it out. As she relaxed she stopped shading her face but kept her eyes shut, the light bright enough to effect her pupils through her eyelids. Disoriented, she turned to her hands and knees and began tried to stand up. She found her muscles strangely unresponsive and shaky, but didn't fail to notice how strangely smooth the cold floor was. When she did open her eyes, feeling the light recede, it was to find... Grayness.

Siaden found herself completely enveloped in a thin, but omni-present fog. 'Well... This is definitely not where I went to sleep..' As she was looking around, or at least attempting to, Siaden gradually became aware of a relaxed, but steady, step approaching her. Instinctually she put her hand on the hilt of the dagger, and then kicked the floor twice with the heel of her boot to indicate her presence. The walking continued growing closer.

Siaden waited in tense anticipation as the foot fall grew louder. It seemed at times that she would turn to find someone upon her suddenly, at others that the unknown had made no distance at all. The fog began to distort not only her senses of sight and hearing, but before long time as well. She began to feel as if she had been spinning around, straining to hear and see for as long as she could remember. Then, abruptly, the footfall stopped.

Siaden froze, waiting for the slightest sound. She expected to be rushed at any moment, and she wouldn't let her would be attackers catch her off guard. Suddenly a single long and crystal note shot through the fog to Siaden; someone was playing the flute. Unconsciously she relaxed slightly, listening curiously. The unseen player paused, then struck up a second note held equally long. Siaden placed her dagger back in its sheath absent-mindedly.

The pause lasted longer after this note, but when the unseen player took breath again the song began in full. It was a semi-slow melody, soft and gentle, but strong too. It was lilting, and had sudden moves that caused Siaden's breath to catch. The clear and penetrating notes and rhythms spoke of unmatched love, and though it intoned great sadness, it ended with a chorus of stoic contentedness. Siaden found herself kneeling, tears rolling down her silent visage. Palion had been a masterful flutist, but she had never heard anything like this. It echoed on inside her and she knew it would never fade completely. She gasped as a sudden thump brought her to the present. The fog began to clear slightly, and just yards before her Siaden saw two shadowy figures, one significantly shorter than the other. At their feet was the object that had apparently made the noise, though she couldn't tell what. They stood motionless for a time, before stepping into the fog and disappearing.

After the sound of their fading footsteps was long gone, Siaden suddenly regained complete control of herself. Without hesitating she moved towards the object that had been left behind. Tenderly she lifted the heavy object. Siaden discovered a large leather bound book, filled with ragged and time worn pages. Resting on the centre of its face was a flute; apparently the one she had heard. She dropped them as recognition flooded in; but never heard them land as the fog seemed to rush in on her and everything turned black.

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