11. Some Random Thoughts Early in the Day
(or, Fisher Cats and Tiny Cows)

Fisher Cats For the holidays my brother and his wife visited from "up nawth." It was great to see them, we had a terrific time. For the most part I was on good behavior (rare event). But on occasion I couldn't help myself..... As a gift, they gave us a beautiful framed photograph of a farmhouse with woods in the background showing the full glory of Autumn in New England. This led the conversation towards discussing New England, and nature, and the like. At one point we were discussing wildlife that is found in northern New Hampshire, they were telling us how they spotted an entire herd of moose (at the moose lodge? I wondered). Then, my brother was talking about something they call Fisher Cats, apparently bobcat-sized animals that are rather vicious creatures. There was the requisite debate about whether or not these cats eat fish; my sister-in-law informed us they are really only a threat to small animals. Probably got named after the Fishers' rabbit met its demise, or something like that. Anyway, more conversation, yada yada yada. Someone took a closer look at the farmhouse photograph: "Oh look, there's one tiny cow near the barn. I wonder where the other cows are?" "Why, the Fisher Cats probably got to them," I said.....  Yeah, I suppose it must be tough having a wiseass in the family.

X10 Wireless Cameras  You must have seen those ubiquitous annoying pop-up ads for X10 Wireless cameras. I think I want to get some of these. Apparently, when you install one of these, shapely young women in tight outfits come and lounge around your house or apartment. For real, look at the ads. I'll install one by the pool, in front of the couch, the usual places. Problem is, where the hell will I be when the cameras are catching all this? Sigh. I guess for it to work I'd have to be hidden away somewhere in front of the computer. Where's the fun in that? Hmm, well, I guess I just saved myself a few bucks.

Indian Restaurants  Want to get a real laugh? Take 4 or 5 Indian friends to an Indian restaurant and ask them to teach you all about the foods, customs and culture. It'll crack you up. Unless they're from the same town, they won't be able to agree on anything, including what the dish is called, how you're supposed to eat it, from where it originates, etc. Hours of good clean fun. Then give them a Dhurian fruit and tell them it's a Jackfruit (well, I guess that's an inside joke). Alternatively then, take some bald guys to a good, spicy Thai restaurant and watch the sweat bead up on their heads. Ewww.

Shoe Bombs I figure after this latest incident -- where the terrorist tried to ignite plastic explosives hidden in his shoe -- we must have turned the tide in the global war against terrorism. Let's just say I'm pretty sure this guy didn't graduate from Al Qaeda's terrorist training camp at the top of his class. The guy had a fuse sticking out of his shoe, for cryin' out loud. I'm thinking we can streamline the check-in process at airports now, you know, have two sections: Armed and Unarmed. Sheesh. Which athletic shoe company will be the first to seize upon this incident for marketing purposes? Yeah, not funny, I know. Didja notice none of these suicide bombers have been women? Do you really believe it's a cultural thing (they don't let the women out of the house, that sort of thing -- boy, those guys really take "getting there first" to the extreme, don't they?) Don't believe a word of it. I for one have never met a woman stupid enough to walk around with plastic explosives in her shoe. Plastic in her bra? That's a very different story.