12. The Bargain MBA (part I)

On the Folly of Rewarding "A" While Hoping for "B"  This was the title of a paper I had to read the first week into school, for a "management" class. I have to confess, I don't remember much about the paper itself, the author, the class, or the professor; what has stuck with me is simply the title of the paper. This is so true! Ever worked at a company that preached teamwork, teamwork, teamwork? At the end of the year, the managers all get together and perform the ritual performance review and employee ranking. Ranking? Yup, that's where we all get together and decide A is better than B, but worse than C, and so on. Your ranking is not really that important, it just dictates how much money you'll make next year, whether you'll have opportunities for advancement, whether you'll get put on the "choice" projects, whether they'll pay $70K to send you off to B-school, stuff like that. I never witnessed someone get lowered in the ranking because "he/she is outstanding and effective, but could improve his/her teamwork." Get real! The managers are all caught up in the same process; it's more like "Hmmm, how much will it help/hurt my own ranking if I support or tear down this person?" (Remember, the managers' managers' get together and rank them, and so on, ad infinitum). So, as an employee, what should be your best (economic) response to working with a team? Well, if the team is going to be successful, try to take all the credit and talk down the best or next best person on the team. If the team is destined for failure, complain to your boss that the others aren't pulling their weight and get off the team as soon as possible. And "always let your conscience be your guide" (Jiminy Cricket, from Pinocchio).

Nothing so clarifies the mind as the prospect of being hanged in the morning  Well, this is actually a quote (from whom, I don't know), but it was a favorite of Professor Singh from the aforementioned class -- I lied about the part where I forgot the professor etc. Cool quote, though, and one that I find to be really true for me (figuratively, not literally). I don't know about you, but I've often experienced this just before a deadline, or a final exam, or in that looong millisecond or two while your car is spinning out of control on an icy highway. OK, so this isn't part of the MBA curriculum. But I thought it was kinda cool.

Reverse Shirt Shots  Basically, you stand on the bar, pull your shirt over your head from back to front (the "reverse" part), an do a shot of something or other. This is a skill nearly all top-school MBA students acquire, but hell, you can practice at home or your neighborhood bar & grill. There are variations on this one as well, e.g. where you have to drop trou' beforehand. But I don't really recall much of that.... or anything else from those nights, either.

Harvard Business School Case Studies These are part of the required curriculum at B-schools everywhere. They are basically brief write-ups of a company and some problem it is having, and they are used as "food for thought," or fuel for the fire, or essay fodder, or whatever. My advice - skip all that BS and read Dilbert. Really read it. Get a Dilbert daily calendar. Just as much insight, less esoteric debate. (Scott Adams, you owe me one for the plug here).

Micro-Economics  Supply equals demand (or vice versa). Otherwise bad things happen (or good things, depends on which side you're on). Ever try to purchase the "in" toy for the holiday season? You then understand what happens when supply doesn't equal demand. Any questions?

Macro-Economics  The Federal Reserve "tightens the money supply" when it detects a whiff of inflation in the economy (remember, supply equals demand or bad things happen). It "loosens (increases) the money supply" months after it is obvious to everyone else the economy is slowing down too fast. How does it "tighten" or "loosen" the money supply? I dunno, really. I mean, in theory we can print more money to increase the money supply, and hide some away to tighten it, but in practice that's not exactly what happens. The Fed either raises or lowers the rate it charges banks to borrow funds overnight.. This raises or lower costs for the banks, which, being competitive free-market players, then turn around and raise or lower borrowing rates to the rest of us (by the way, am I the only one that sees the irony in the competitive free market players responding to tight quasi-government controls here?). All right then, when the banks raise interest rates, businesses and consumers then borrow less money because it is suddenly more expensive to borrow. This means they spend less (borrowed) money, slowing down the economy and keeping inflation from rearing its ugly head. Ever read the book (or see the movie or play) "The Crucible?" Same basic idea - there's an accusation of witchcraft (inflation), so you start hanging people until there are no witches left......

Ethics This is a required course at most B-schools. This is akin to having Al Qaeda require a course in sensitivity training at their terrorist training camps. Or, more appropriately, like teaching aspiring young sharks how to get along with all the other sea creatures.

Next time I'll explain Finance and Accounting. WoooHooo.