Speed Up Your Inheritance

My sister and brother-in-law have a friend, we'll call him "Fred," who is employed as a Financial Advisor (you know, they used to be called insurance salesmen, now they also peddle mutual funds). Well, Fred was visiting an elderly client of his, and the client didn't look so well. Fred kept asking him, "Are you feeling OK?" but the guy insisted he was fine. Fred was really concerned, though, so he made up an excuse "I have to go out to the car to get a form to fill out" and went outside and tried to call the client's daughter on his cell phone. Well, he couldn't get through, so back inside he went..... where he found his client lying dead on the floor. Well, he called 911, administered CPR and mouth-to-mouth resuscitation, the whole nine yards. But, let's just say Fred has one less client now.

Well, my sister and husband, compassionate beings that they are, sent Fred an email a few days later with the following in it:

*** Top Ten New Slogans for Fred’s business:

1. Fred Smith—“Killer Financial Advisor”

2. His clients have nothing bad to say about him! (because they’re all dead)

3. Let Fred help you build a Killer Portfolio!

4. Purchase Term Life from me, and I’ll take care of the rest!

5. Speed up getting your inheritance—refer your relatives to Fred Smith

6. Call me, Fred Smith — 555-1212 or 911

7. Don’t get killed in the Stock Market—Leave it to me, Fred Smith (CPR Certified)

8. Fred Smith, Financial Advisor; also offering discounted burial plots

9. Fred Smith, Meeting All Your Financial Needs for a Lifetime (or until the second consultation, whichever comes first)

10. Free defibrillator with first consultation! CLEAR!