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Issue Five - 03/02/05 |
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Man claims spiritual benefit from enforced celibacy |
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John Durcan (28), a Galway man who has had celibacy thrust upon him for the
past year and a half, is claiming a heightened spiritual benefit from his enforced
situation.
Sipping at a cup of green tea and watching women pass by the window of a city centre coffee shop John sighed and shook his head. "I feel sorry for all those people whose only mission is to 'get laid' as many times as possible. They're chasing fulfilment through some physical act which you and I both know is a futile search. The benefits of celibacy have long been celebrated in Eastern culture. You know, yogis and monks and all that stuff. They aren't just trying to get their end away the whole time, that's what makes them learned." In the fifteen months since his long-term girlfriend broke off their relationship John has undergone a transformation. The walls and shelves of his room, which before sported FHM calendars and empty whiskey bottles, are now adorned with tapestries and Buddha statues. "I keep a diary of my thoughts, a wealth of knowledge has sprung up inside me since I forewent the carnal desires of the flesh." John's housemates however have seen a different side to him since he became single. "Man it's depressing - after he got dumped, John tried to hit on everything with legs and struck out completely," said friend Kevin Casey. "He hasn't had any for so long I think he's starting to lose his mind. And don't get me started with all that Eastern shit he's on about. John wouldn't know the tranquil calm and enlightenment that's achieved through meditation if it came up and offered him a blow-job." "My friends don't really understand what I've managed to achieve," John shakes his head again and smiles meekly. "I pity them really - this sort of life really is what we should all be aspiring towards." He raises his cup to his lips again while his eyes remain clamped on the backside of a young woman walking past on the street outside. "I really pity them." |
 John sips his tea and contemplates his
new, enlightened state of mind |