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Issue Nine- 03/06/05 |
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Rotating corpse mystery leads to Galway |
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Last week a strange, eerie noise started to disturb the residents of
Leakesville, Mississippi. After some investigation, the sound was traced
to the local graveyard and then further to the Hicks family plot. It soon
became apparent that the noise was being caused by the body of Bill
Hicks literally turning in his grave.
After some consultation by the Hicks family with a psychic it was explained that this freak occurrence has been caused by a culmination of events over the past few years. In particular George Bush getting into power, twice, and the inexplicable rise in popularity of 'reality' television, ringtones and the band Coldplay. Scientists have now pinpointed the actual event, however, that broke the camel's back as it were. Bill's body started spinning at 3.30pm Saturday 21st May, the exact same time that a cashier in Zhivago Records, Shop St. registered the sale of the DVD Totally Bill Hicks to business student Martin Spillane. The Naked Galwegian has painstakingly tracked down this student to get to the bottom of the matter. Well, really we just wandered into The Hole in the Wall where we found Martin propping up the bar. Wearing a Celtic jersey tucked elegantly into some beige cords and sipping a Fat Frog, he told us of his introduction to Bill Hicks. "I was in a friend's house one night after a few scoops, ye know yourself. Anyway I was taking a break from singing rebel songs so the lads quickly stuck on a DVD and it was this fella Bill Hicks. At first I didn't think it was funny at all but after a while I got into it. He does some really funny stuff about the LA riots, beating up blacks and that y'know? The best bit is where he pretends to be 'Goatboy' which is feckin' hilarious cos that's been my nickname since I was young but now it's got a cool edge cos it's Bill Hicks' nickname too. It's freaky how much we're alike. I'd love to meet him, I'd say he's gas craic." Informed of Hicks' demise over a decade ago, Martin became confused. "How did he do all that stuff about Iraq and Bush then?" At this point we started to back away slowly, avoiding eye contact. |
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