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					home fires by roo http://www.oocities.org/Area51/Station/2159/home.html SYNOPSIS: After a split that leaves Janice and Mel confused and hurt, Mel flees to outback Australia to lick her wounds and start a new life. When Janice tracks her down and demands an explanation for why Mel ran out, old feelings are hard to keep under wraps. EWOK: Ahhh, the Aussie one. I'm perplexed by the profusion of wildflowers and spinifex in the first scene. I thought spinifex only grew where it was arid as hell. (Presuming hell to be arid, of course.) NANCY: We're not talking Sense and Sensibility wildflowers here of the country fields! We're talking tough as nails never-need-water wildflowers of the Australian outback, and they sure mix well with spinifex. EWOK: Okay, I'll give you the spinifex and wildflowers, but I don't think a billabong surrounded by gums is going to be visible across a salt pan. There'd have to be something between the two... NANCY: Perhaps in trying to create a sense of place, we're getting every well known Australian buzzword rolled into two paragraphs of description? EWOK: *consulting dictionary of Australian slang* Errr ... too right, mate. NANCY: I think though, that despite the occasional excessive description, this bard has a really good sense of place. It's an original locale, and not entirely beyond the realms of possibility for Janice and Mel to be there. (And let's face it, we all need to suspend our disbelief to make fanfiction work!) I was impressed with the creation of mood and atmosphere in this piece. There's a real art to exploring places in your writing that are outside most people's immediate frame of reference and yet make them colourful, three dimensional and vivid. EWOK: Better than the Norwegian travelogue Nicola Griffith gives us in "The Blue Place"... NANCY: Yup. I'd say you're right. excerpt: "She and Janice had not seen one another or spoken in more than six months, a fact which both confounded and angered Janice." EWOK: Ahhhh, the delicate art of exposition... NANCY: Trust you to pick the bad apple of the bunch. OK, I'll see you, and raise you this one: excerpt: Janice lay the flat of her hand against the fuselage; her fingertips were touching Alice's and they were eye to eye. "I don't pretend to know the mechanics of flying, sweetheart...lift plus thrust equals my butt in the air." The girl laughed appreciatively. "I intend to fly the thing until it drops from the sky." Alice cocked an eyebrow. "Then what?" "Then," replied Janice. "I'll walk..." The whole story is filled with little gems like this that extrapolate Janice's character without just saying "Janice is stubborn", or "Janice is a wisecracker". I was amused :) excerpt: "Alice, run ahead and put the billy on." EWOK: ARGH. They're not camping, why the hell would they be using a billy? An indoor kettle isn't a billy. NANCY: There are a few hiccups here in her Australianisms. She makes an off-hand reference to American football in the narrative not from one of the American characters. She says "Aluminum" when the Australian word is "Aluminium". She's also a bit heavy handed with the references to Aboriginal corroborrees. EWOK: I was willing to bet she wasn't an Australian, but she says "mum" not "mom". That's thrown me. NANCY: I researched it. She's not. But not doing a bad job for not being a native, I think. EWOK: Ha! said the Ewok, more than a trifle smug. NANCY: *raspberry* I think my biggest problem with the story was with the character of Alice. She starts out strong with a good personality and lots of detail, and then - besides a bit of stepmotherly bantering with Mel - basically went nowhere. I wanted her to have problems with Janice and Mel getting together, or be fiercely loyal to her father (who is getting seriously jipped here!). She could steal the plane and do a lap of the station inspired by Janice! ANYTHING. After such a careful build-up, she's wasted. excerpt: Mel looked sideways at her ex-partner and sighed. "As if your life isn't dangerous enough, Janice Covington, you have to rise up to meet God halfway." "Mel," quipped Janice, nudging her gently in the ribs, "Believe it or not, standing here next to you is the most dangerous thing I've done in months." Mel's smile dissolved into a flat line. "Don't do that, Janice." "Do what?" Mel folded her arms. "Don't be charming," she warned, turning for the house. EWOK: Bravo! Bravo! What adept characterisation. NANCY: Imagine telling Janice not to be charming...*shakes head in disbelief* I think this writer has a fantasic feel for dialogue. excerpt: "Yup," was the minimal reply. Janice stood, tucking the cigar between her teeth before adding wistfully, "Such a waste. I was so young." EWOK: There are some Janice moments in this that are downright sublime. Ms Roo, have a cigar. But, now that Janice herself has brought up the subject of age, I strongly disagree with the idea that Janice is only 25. I don't see that you could feasibly have a doctorate in archaeology (or *is* it?) at that point, especially if you'd also had the time off for adventures as Janice has had... NANCY: While allowing that you have to sacrifice realism in fanfiction as I said before, I would put Janice at early 30's minimum. EWOK: Yeah, even with suspension of disbelief and all, I'd put her at ... say, 28 at the absolute LEAST in The Xena Scrolls. I also don't quite buy the drinking scene. I can't put my finger on it (apart from Mel asking so readily for the bourbon), but it doesn't ring true. NANCY: I guess you're right. BUT she *was* coughing and spluttering, I liked that:) EWOK: But not hungover, I'm noticing. NANCY: So, little details need some work, you're saying? NANCY: Some of the best Janice moments I've ever read. Some other ups and downs too. This is the first time in ages that a story has kept me up until 1am. 8.5/10 EWOK: 8, with flashes of tennishness for the Covingtonisms.