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					lack of providence by xenalicious http://reneegade.tripod.com/providence1.html SYNOPSIS: Rich girl editor meets poor girl poet. Sparks fly. A saga of sex, loneliness, and piercings in the greater Boston area. NANCY: This story has only two parts to it so far and is pretty good, but we thought we'd pinpoint some pits that the author is already falling into for those of you considering starting to read it. excerpt: unless ... your job consisted of making those griping pieces of fiction even better EWOK: What has the fiction got to complain about? It's the readers who would be suffering because of it. NANCY: Umm, that would be "gripping", Ewok dear. I think she's made the typo more than once. Then there's this in the disclaimer: excerpt: "Rites of Passage" is an actual piercing studio and the only one I would recommend if you are considering getting anything pierced in the greater Boston area. Oh no, is the greater Boston a body part? I could imagine falling over and wincing "Ouch, that got me right in the greater Boston area." EWOK: Should we add it to the euphemism hall of fame? NANCY: *ROFL* EWOK! that's just sick! *imagination runs riot* EWOK: *laughing* Please? Please? NANCY: You know what else gets me chuckling in this story? You know how that old way of getting around saying a character's name over and over is to refer to them by their occupation? As in "The tall doctor moved over to the other side of the bed"? OK, this Ariana chick keeps being referred to as "The piercer". *chuckle* I mean, is that a half decent name for a serial killer or what? EWOK: Sounds like the title of the next Jeffery Deaver novel... NANCY: Coming soon, the amazing sequel to The Bone Collector, THE PIERCER! excerpt: The blonde possessed a kind of common good looks of every blonde, blue-eyed girl from the Mid-West. The only thing that made her more than a pretty face were her eyes, big and chocolate brown. NANCY: OK, Two blue AND two brown would be quite disconcerting. Kinda gives new meaning to calling someone "four eyes". I get what she's trying to say, but this is not the right way to go about it. excerpt: Sydney’s face appeared carefully cultured but her voice was soft when she said: "Do you want to go get a drink?" NANCY: Carefully cultured? As in...yoghurt? All right, enough nitpicking, you get the point. There was at least one really excellent scene in the first two parts of this story. I enjoyed the piercing scene, especially the part where Marissa asked drunkenly if they had a two-for-one deal available! I got a belly laugh out of this line too after Caroline has her navel pierced: excerpt: Padding out of her bedroom she could hear Caroline’s disgruntled mutterings. "Oh, yeah, she’ll love it, my ass! Gillian Anderson! Of course she drools, it’s Gillian Anderson! Oh, she’s going to kill me..." NANCY: That quote sounds even better out of context! *g* EWOK: Belly laugh? It's too early in the year for such bad puns, Nancy. EWOK: I'm really enjoying this one so far, serial killer allusions aside. I'll give it a low eight, pending further chapters. NANCY: 7.5, again pending further chapters. This piece has great ideas that so far the writing itself isn't quite living up to. A good beginning.