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					venezia by vivian darkbloom http://www.xenafan.com/fiction/content5/darkbloom_venezia.html SYNOPSIS: An older Mel Pappas travels back to Venice, the city where she spent her honeymoon with Janice Covington. The archaeologist is now dead, but the memories of their relationship remain alive - something Mel is forced to confront when she encounters a very physical reminder of what she has lost. NANCY: Talk about a bloody difficult synopsis to write! This was about the twelfth re-write! It’s still not great. EWOK: *sighs heavily* Well, I can live with it. NANCY: I have some questions... EWOK: Such as? NANCY: For starters, how the hell did Janice die? Did she fall over the balcony at the end..? *perplexed look* EWOK: *even more perplexed look* Where'd you get that from? No, I think the scene is to recursively establish the water-as-point-of-return metaphor. Geez... NANCY: So what you're saying here is that Ms Darkbloom has unceremoniously done away with Janice, and doesn't have the mercy to tell us how or why? *grumble* No wonder her disclaimer warns that the story is depressing. EWOK: Maybe she's doing a sequel/prequel/ companion piece? Maybe she prefers to keep an air of mystery about it? Maybe it's more powerful for us not knowing? NANCY: Also, how old does she think they are when they met? She says something about not having been back in Italy since she was a teenager, and then talks about being with Janice there. How good could she possibly have been at "translatin' ancient writin's" as an 18 year old? EWOK: Good point. Good question. Not something I picked up earlier, and I do not have an answer for you. I’ve always thought they were both mid-twenties, with Mel chronologically and intellectually but not life-experientially (whoops, who was that abusing the English language so mercilessly?) the elder... NANCY: Don’t you go volunteering to beta-read for anyone, Ewok. EWOK: *stricken expression* And put myself in the firing line for real? No fear, Nancy. excerpt: The trip had filled her with expectations; she had not been in the country, let alone Venice, since she was a teenager: How had the war changed everything? Would a certain café still exist? What buildings were destroyed or lost? Would Janice get seasick and throw up in a gondola? NANCY: I think I get it. I actually think this was supposed to be part of the flashback, but the tenses are difficult to decipher so it actually seems like it is the present day Mel reflecting on a past trip when she was reflecting on an even earlier trip...if that makes sense? EWOK: Ah. Seems fairly obviously part of the flashback to me. NANCY: *grumbles* I was confused. I read it again. That whole page has tenses flying everywhere. I'm not saying they're wrong, I'm just saying it takes a couple of read throughs if you find yourself getting lost. EWOK: Oh, I'm not denying for a minute it isn't an easy let's-skim-through-this-like-butter kind of piece. You have to keep your brain switched on to get the full effect of this one. But it's worth the effort. NANCY: Well, other than those few little places where I got confused, and the profound feeling that I had completely missed some major point by the time I got to the end, I really thought this story was beautiful. EWOK: I'm giving it 9.5. And having a memorial cigar for our beloved Janice. Cheers. NANCY: So much? It was beautiful, but it wasn’t perfect. 8/10 because the writing quality was so high. I think it gets convoluted.