BLAZE

Journalist, columnist and rock chick – Emma Tom is also one of Australia’s best known bisexual icons. Or is she the only one? Emma talks to blaze’s Whispers of the Silent B column about being bi, out and famous.

Emma, when you discovered your sexuality, did you always feel bisexual or did you think for a time that you were a lesbian?

I’ve known I was bi since high school when I developed a crush on a leggy blonde in some of my classes. My first reaction was “wow, cool”. My second was “damn, this is going to create some logistical difficulties”. Despite being wildly curious, I didn’t muster the courage to start hitting on women until I was 18 or 19. This was back in the late ‘80s in a small country town where the local lesbian community was pretty closed and separatist. I didn’t look like a stereotypical dyke and given that I was also keen on men didn’t act like one either. Interestingly enough it was the local lesbians who gave me the hardest time about being bi. My family, friends and workmates, on the other hand, showed little to absolutely zero interest in my bisexuality. There was a brief flutter of family interest when I finally hooked up with a local girl with a very attractive mullet hair-do, but for the most part they really didn’t seem to care.

At the time of discovering your sexuality, were there bisexual people you knew of that you could look to that made sense of your life?

Unfortunately, no. Over the years I’ve encountered lots of people whose behaviour is bisexual, but I didn’t meet anyone who actively identified as bi until a couple of years ago.

Now in Australia, are there people you look to as bisexual icons?

The first bi people I met were movers and shakers (quite literally) in the Sydney fetish scene. It was great to discover the “pansexual” vibe at Sydney’s Hellfire Club. I also hooked up with a bunch of young women in the Sydney rock scene who didn’t like sticky labels but whose sexuality was very fluid. They were also a fantastic discovery. While he’s not Australian, one of my all-time greatest bisexual icon is US sex researcher Alfred Kinsey. I have so much respect for the courage and humanity he showed when he forced the academy to take sexuality seriously.

In Sydney’s queer community, are bisexual people accepted as part of the whole?

There’s a slowly growing acceptance. Mardi Gras, for instance. Bisexuals used to have to prove their “commitment to the community” before they were allowed to join. Now we don’t need quite so much paperwork.

At last year’s Feast festival, you were a guest at the Bisexuality in the Media forum. Has the media changed at all in the past year when it comes to the portrayal of bisexual people?

“Bi chic” (so long as it’s girl bi chic) continues to be a strong trend in the media - particularly the women’s magazines which regard girl-on-girl action as pervy. Critics of the rising depiction of bisexuality in pop culture say it trivializes same-sex relationships, but I disagree. Apart from the fact that pop culture trivializes everything,I think Madonna and Britney’s pash at the MTV video awards had some very real benefits in the real world. It might have been a mere publicity stunt to them, but I reckon same-sex intimacy in this sort of context has a normalising effect and might encourage other young swingers to give it a go themselves. Who cares if it’s cool or faddish? I think sexual experimentation is something the world needs lots more of. And it’s tragic to hear about people who’ve been desperately keen to explore sex with an unusual gender but feel too constrained by other people’s opinions to venture outside the box.

Hopefully bi chic for boys will be just around the corner. Lads who like it both ways have really missed out so far. They’re viewed with suspicion by both the straight and gay communities and get a really tough time. I think the lesbian presence in traditional hetero porno videos has helped make the girl-on-girl thing much more palatable to mainstream audience.s I’m a big fan of gay male porn and wish more people would start watching it so they can realise that the boy-on-boy thing is actually really saucy, too.

That said, I think we’ll be waiting a long time before Bono and Justin Timberlake think it’s in their commercial interests to have a snog at the Grammys.

You are a high profile Australian woman. Does your sexuality help or hinder your professional life in any way?

I’m not sure if being bi has been a help or hindrance to my career. It wasn’t a conscious decision I made, it’s just the way I am, so I’ve never given it much thought. It’d be like worrying about whether it’s a hindrance being short or a dog-lover or a Kurt Vonnegut fan. These things aren’t negotiable. They just are.

For young people discovering their sexuality, do you have any advice drawn from your own experience that you would pass on?

If there’s no-one in your immediately circle of friends and family who understands your sexuality, look for allies in books and pop culture. I was thrilled, for example, to discover that one of the hunky heroes in the new Dr Who is bi. I’m not sure about the sexual preferences of the Daleks though …