Rocky Road 2
by UHill

Mulder stepped off the curb and looked up and down the street. "Where's your car, Scully?" he asked.

"I took a cab," Scully replied, holding the bag with a mistaken identity as far away from her body as her small arms would permit. "I don't like parking it in Akbar's All-Nite Parking Lot, which is the only place you can actually park if you're going to Akbar's All-Nite Market."

Mulder nodded in agreement and stepped into the road to hail an oncoming cab. The driver slowed down, then took one look at Scully holding the wrinkled paper bag with her arm outstretched, and accelerated. Mulder's arm, raised in the hail-a-cab position, converted itself into a one fingered salute.

"Wait, Mulder, here comes another one," Scully offered encouragingly.

The cab slowed down and stopped. Mulder looked at Scully and smiled. "Ah, Akbar's All-Nite Cab Service."

Mulder and Scully settled comfortably into the back seat, when the driver turned around and said, "Where to?"

"AkBar's All-Nite Market," Scully answered. Mulder's bottom jaw hung slack, like a soggy, empty ice cream carton, as he stared at the driver. It was the copper-haired buxom librarian from his dream.

Mulder leaned towards Scully and whispered, "I think we should wait for another cab to come along."

Scully looked at him, confused. "What's wrong with this one?"

Mulder's eyes involuntarily met those of the grinning copper haired buxom librarian. "Buxom," he mumbled.

"What?" Scully said, annoyance creeping into her voice.

"Books, um," Mulder mumbled. "I forgot to return some books, um, to the library," he said unsteadily.

"Fine, I'll hold the cab while you run upstairs to get your books, and on the way to Akbar's All-Nite Market we'll swing by Ackbar's All Nite Library Book Return."

Mulder nodded eagerly, and slipped out of the car before Scully could notice that his body was reacting to the grinning copper haired buxom librarian-cab driver the same way it had earlier, when he was dreaming.

"What's the matter with your friend?" the driver asked Scully.

Scully eyed the driver. She was very well-endowed. Scully wondered if the woman could steer the car with her cleavage, leaving her hands free for...

"Mulder!" Scully yelled. "Hold the cab, I'll be right back." She sprinted from the cab to assist Mulder, who in his haste had bumped into the pizza delivery boy from Ackbar's All Nite Pizza. Several volumes of Encylopedia Brittanica were sprawled across the sidewalk, smeared with a variety of pizza toppings with fortunately did not include anchovies.

"I'm fine, Scully," Mulder said as he stood and brushed himself off. Scully helped him. She was removing little pieces of onions and pepperoni that had become wedged in his pants pockets when the copper haired buxom librarian-cab driver joined them.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her librarian-cab driver voice a worried combination of a whisper and a shopping channel salesperson. Mulder stared and nodded, trying to ignore Scully's hand in his pocket, reaching for more pepperoni.

"Here, let me help," offered the copper haired librarian-cab driver. She bent to pick up the encyclopedias, revealing quite a bit of cleavage underneath her snug Ackbar's All Nite Cab Service uniform.

Mulder's eyes remained focused on the torso of the copper haired-librarian cab driver. "Breast," Mulder mumbled.

"What?" Scully asked, turning to follow Mulder's gaze.

"Quest. I said we need to get on with our quest to the library and Akbar's All Nite Market."

Scully rolled her eyes. She rolled them with such emphasis that Mulder thought he heard them. It sounded a little bit like thunder.

*****************************

The cab came to a screeching halt in front of Akbar's All Nite Library. Mulder grabbed the encyclopedias and raced to the book drop slot. The first 25 volumes went down the slot without a hitch. When Mulder tried to push through the last volume, his hand became wedged.

He was stuck. He tried to motion to Scully, waiting patiently in the cab, with his free hand. It was probably only two minutes before she noticed him, but to him, it seemed like it was at least four and a half.

Scully sprinted quickly up the stairs, and she didn't even have to take one breath. Her FBI training kept her in good aerobic shape. The cab driver, however, was huffing and puffing as she reached the top step. Mulder couldn't help but notice her heaving chest, which was now dampening her shirt with perspiration and leaving even less to his imagination. "Nipple," he mumbled.

"What?" asked Scully, narrowing her eyes so they looked like little blue laser beams.

"Cripple, I'm going to be a cripple unless I get my hand out of this book return slot," Mulder retorted. He secretly wished it was his tongue, rather than his hand, that was stuck in the slot.

"Here, let me help," the cab driver said helpfully. She stepped closer to the book slot and tried to slip her own hand in. She knew almost immediately that she had made a mistake. Turning to Scully, she said, "Oh no, I'm stuck too."

"Wonderful, just wonderful," Scully remarked. She was clearly annoyed now. "How the hell am I going to unstick you two?"

Mulder just shrugged, embarrassed. The cab driver moved closer to him to ease the pressure on her stuck hands. Their bodies were now touching. "Tit," he said almost imperceptibly.

"Excuse me?" Scully asked.

"Shit," Mulder said. "We're in deep shit." Or at least I will be, Mulder thought to himself. He wanted desperately to stop the verbal tics that he kept spewing out tonight as Freudian slips. He would have slapped himself, but his hand was stuck in a book return slot.

"That's the first statement you've said that I've agreed with since we left your apartment," Scully said. She peered inside the glass window of Akbar's All Nite Library. It was dark. She banged on the door and tapped her foot impatiently. She caught the buxom cab driver staring at her.

"What?" Scully snapped. "This IS supposed to be an all night library, isn't it?"

The cab driver shook her head guiltily and said, "Well, technically it's considered an all night library because the book drop slot is always open. The rest of the library closed at eight."

"This is great, this is fitting," Scully said. "It's after midnight, I don't have my cell phone, I'm miles away from my own apartment, and my partner and cab driver are stuck in a book slot." She folded her arms across her chest and looked back towards the cab. She had an idea.

"Don't go anywhere," she yelled as she sprinted back down the stairs. Mulder and the buxom copper haired librarian cab driver just looked at each other and shrugged. Then they both grimaced, because it hurts like hell to shrug when your hands are stuck in a book drop slot.

For a nervous second, Mulder thought Scully was going to get into the cab and drive away, leaving him stuck at Akbar's All Nite Library. He showed the buxom cab driver his panic face. Then he saw Scully sprinting back up the stairs carrying the wrinkled brown paper bag that they were supposed to return to Akbar's All Nite Market.

"What are you doing, Scully?" Mulder asked.

Scully pulled out the package of Ho-Ho's and ripped them opened. She stuck one into the crowded book drop slot, and the other into Mulder's mouth. "That should keep you quiet for a while," she said teasingly. Mulder nodded gratefully.

Scully continued to smear Ho-Ho icing around the perimeter of the book drop slot. When she was convinced that the slot was well lubricated, she looked at Mulder and the cab driver and said, "On the count of three. One, two, ...."

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