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The uncut X-Beacon files July 2000
Ooh la la! French Naughties Shock For Painswick!
A Royal Flush On Victorian Market Day?
Risqué scenes of
abandoned lust, liaisons dangereuses, nights of steamy passion. But that’s
enough of PaDS committee meetings. The big news this month
concerns Victorian Market Day (8th July). I have to report that there has been a
shocking French hijack (or should that be ‘haut-jacques’?) of the the PaDS
‘What The Butler Saw’ machine! Instead of displaying (as was planned) living
pictures of uplifting tableaux from English history or instructive scenes of
other peoples in other lands, it appears that we have mistakenly been sent a
programme entitled ‘Follies de Paris’. This features a series of
‘divertissements de passion’, acts of full-frontal debauchery, ladies caught
in flagrante delicto and other shameless scenes of nudity, rudity and lewdity. I
haven’t actually witnessed any of the material myself: The Most Organised One
saw to that. But the MOO assures me – and she has viewed it all very carefully
several times to be certain – that the scenes on display are really quite
shocking and totally unsuitable for the gentlefolk of Painswick. Apparently, in
one scene a couple - not even man and wife - can actually be seen to conjugate
quite openly in French! Dear reader! I set all this down not, you understand, from any sense of voyeuristic titillation, but rather as a warning to be on your guard lest you be tempted to insert the 50p, which is all that is required, and are corrupted by several minutes of this so-called entertainment. One shudders to think what would happen if our good Queen Victoria, who is graciously visiting Painswick on the day in question, should happen to catch a glimpse. One is unlikely to be amused. No doubt her ‘ghillie’, Mr John Brown will protect her sensibilities. Incidentally, I have been asked by the Organising Committee to make it quite clear that, contrary to rumours currently circulating, there will not be a competition to guess what the said Mr Brown is wearing under his kilt. And finally. I was hoping to bring you news of the next PaDS (Autumn) production, hot from the committee meeting. But what with all the risqué scenes of abandoned lust etc, it seems they just didn’t get round to making a decision. Apparently, at least two plays and two directors are in the running: the competition is getting intense. Stand by for more dramatic outbursts next month. Jack Burgess, Painswick Dramatic Society |
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