The Adventures of Paisley
Blue
Last night I stood up for myself and it felt good to take care of me. I have no illusions that the problems between me and Michael will disappear overnight, but I feel that we made significant progress in re-opening the lines of communication. However, time is the only way I will be able to tell if lasting changes are taking place.
In the meantime I did get a solid answer from him about New Year's Eve. I told him I wanted to make plans with Hulk, and he was very supportive. Today I called around and got several quotes, finally choosing on a hotel in Kent where I made reservations for that night. I did not want to pay an arm and a leg, but I wanted something nice, and there is an indoor hot tub and restaurants nearby.
If Michael says anything about me spending the money on this little evening, I will just remind him of the big chunk o' change I plunked down for a romantic evening with him a few months ago at a certain seafood restaurant. I'm not even planning on spending that much.
Today I worked hard. I mean I worked up a sweat. We had a big work party at the office this morning, and I single-handedly cleaned out the storage/production room on my own. I don't think the countertop had been cleaned in years. You can actually walk in there now. Won't the designers be surprised when they return from vacation!
I am afraid that two days off work from being sick put me behind on a lot of stuff, so I am going to try and come to the office tomorrow -- yes, I know it's Saturday -- and get some stuff done. Then I also will not have to take so many hours for sick leave. It's a win-win situation, as far as I can see.
I can't believe it's almost 10:30 at night and I am still at the office. Michael is supposed to call me on the cell phone when he leaves his shop, which means I'd have about 15-20 minutes before he gets here. I wish he'd call...
I've been using my inhaler about once every 1-2 hours which is really too much. Without it, though, I hack my head off. The inhaler does make me feel better and stop coughing. I just wish it would last longer.
I saw Hulk today for about 45 minutes, and we talked. I presented him the idea of spending the night together on New Year's Eve, and he liked it. He bought a hot chocolate and shared it with me. We basically just sat on a bench in Pioneer Square and talked. His coat was draped over his lap, and I snuck my hand beneath it to play with him a little bit. I love how well he responds to me. I also talked him into sending me his email address. Now we can communicate a little bit more. Yay!
I also did something else today... I told Hulk that I love him. He understood that it was a big step for me to say that. Seems like the older I get, the less frequently I bandy that word about. I don't know if it has to do with trust issues, or perhaps really understanding the meaning and commitment behind the words, but you will recall he was the first to say he loved me. It's really special between us.
One of the things I enjoy about spending time with him is that he is intelligent, and we can talk about quite a few things. He appreciates my vocabulary which is wonderful. He doesn't tease me about using big words, and he doesn't make fun of my memory problems. I can see that people probably write him off as being slow or stupid right away, but he is neither of those things. What he is, though, is extremely shy, and I think I sense a little bit of reluctance to put himself out more to the world... perhaps he has been hurt too many times, and this is one of his defense mechanisms.
Goddess knows I have enough defense mechanisms of my own. I can certainly understand something like that. Now, I could be way wrong, but again, this is something that time will tell, especially as I get to know him better. I do look forward to getting to know him better.
Oh, it's been a long day. *two second break* Michael just called. He has to stop and put gas in the car or he won't make it to my building. So he's going to call when he's closer to my office, and I'll head downstairs.
This evening I wanted to change the graphics around on my journal pages and just get away from the whole holiday theme. I feel so alive and sensuous and mysterious, even magickal... so I put together these images to my own liking. It's fun to do something different, something wild, every now and then.
Like I plan to do on New Year's Eve...
~Paisley Blue |
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