The Adventures of Paisley Blue Did I make plans for last night? Did I think I was going to do something? That's my problem -- if I don't make plans, then I can't be disappointed when things don't work out. Doesn't that sound logical? Well, it's okay that we didn't make it to lube wrestling. Mechanic and I did other things. We went to the library and we took a little drive to visit some friends. Then we returned to Seattle and stopped by my old hotel and visited with Twinkle. He wanted to meet Mechanic, and for some reason I was very smiley and giggly when I introduced them. Twinkle was sorta feeling Mechanic out to see if he was a good guy, gonna take care of me and all. Basically he said if Mechanic didn't treat me right, he'd fly out on his broom and kick his a@@. If I were moving in with Twinkle instead of Mechanic, though, I'm sure that Mechanic would say the very same thing. I was late to work today and not for any good reason. That really irks me. It's just simply that I am kept up so late and have to wake up so early that my body simply rebelled. I turned off the alarm and went back to sleep. Sometimes all I wish for is to go home in the evening, have a quiet supper, maybe watch some tv or read a book, and go to sleep early. That has hardly ever happened since Michael and I got together. I feel like I got a bit of a reprieve because Michael was supposed to be off tonight but he got called into work. But there's another fly in the ointment because the electricity at Mechanic's house was turned off. I'm seriously wondering about the wisdom of going there. Am I clinging to the idea of moving to Mechanic's apartment because I am afraid of being alone? Just the fact that my mind conjured up that question makes me wonder. Some way or another I have to resolve my situation but I don't know how. I am a person who would like to plan things out, be prepared, know what I'm going to do -- but the way things work out is usually quite the opposite, a sort of flying-by-the-seat-of-my-pants sort of life. But you know what the good news is in that sentence? I have a life! It just cracks me up that the girls at work think I have this exciting, glamorous life. Yet when I look at it from their perspective, here is what I see: A woman who seems to have a different man on her arm each week. A woman who is always trying new things, such as dying her hair, acrylic nails, etc. A woman who works as late as she wants, leaves as early as she wants -- a seemingly carefree existence. A woman who is different from everyone else and doesn't really care what others think. A woman who does things that others find scary, such as singing karaoke, speaking openly and honestly about things that others find intimidating, etc. A woman who goes to fancy events where she wears long dresses and long gloves. A woman who seems to party a lot but never comes to work hung over. Now looking at it from that perspective, I can see how others think I have an exciting and glamorous life. It is a pretty cool life. Some of those things may change when Michael and I split up but overall I'm still gonna be me. I'll still love karaoke, and I'll still be different, and I'll still be that carefree girl who does what she wants. One of the things I want to do is start volunteering somewhere, like the YWCA or the Girl Scouts. I want to help girls grow into young women. I don't know what kind of a role model I'll be, though. Heaven forbid if they ask me if I've ever taken drugs or slept around or anything. I don't know what I'd say. But I do have a lot to say about being self-confident, having a positive body-image, and thinking for yourself. Okay, maybe people don't think I think for myself, but if nothing else, this journal should be evidence enough that I do think for myself. You can't write this many words without doing some thinking! LOL ~Paisley Blue

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