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Paisley's Journal
April 22, 2002 |
The Adventures of Paisley
Blue
Yes, it's been several days since I've written. It's not that things were so boring I had nothing to write about. It's more like I had a lot on my mind, and when I did get online I was either checking email, playing The Online Dating Game or building websites for other people.
I had an opportunity last Friday night to talk more than an hour with my oldest niece. I adore her. She told me it was like talking to a friend when she talked with me, and of course, that made me feel wonderful. We talked about boys, clothes, money, shopping, family stuff... everything. We talked about websites and I asked her what she liked to do online. Her first answer was that she liked to play games.
So I told her I'd build a website for the nieces and nephews and the first thing I'd put on there is games. And I did. I had so much fun building that site.
Michael has also been asking me to build him a website for ages, and I had been collecting things here and there for it. Well, this weekend I sat down and built his site. It's not quite finished, and it's just a second generation site for now, but he seems to like it and that's what counts. One of the main features of his site is lots and lots of pictures of men. So I found a free web host that provides 50 megs of space - plenty for what he has in mind.
Things are real tight right now and there's not a lot of food in the house. Michael resists my efforts and requests for getting food from food banks. He says they don't give you anything worthwhile. I had asked Mechanic to go with Michael, but I am thinking perhaps it was too much to think he might go alone, if Michael refused. After all, I don't know if Mechanic knows the location of the food banks or how to get around by bus. I'm starting to think about taking time off work on Wednesday to go to the local food banks myself.
Why would I consider this? I'm hungry. I'd give a lot for a sandwich right now. This morning for my "breakfast" I had a hamburger bun with butter and about 4 oz. of powdered milk - that's about all I could stand of drinking it straight. It's better to cook with.
When I got to work I scavenged a pastry leftover from last Friday, and I treated myself to a single Diet Dr. Pepper. I had brought the last banana from home and I saved that until about noon. Other than that, I've been drinking a lot of water. I am hoping we can scrape up something filling for supper tonight.
I got home and something was strange. No one was home. That doesn't happen often. I immediately discovered the apartment looks quite clean, and I'm sure that's Mechanic's doing. I appreciate him so much. Sometimes I wonder if I tell him often enough, and other times I wonder if I tell him these things too much. So hopefully it ends up somewhere in the middle where he knows his work is noticed and appreciated, at least by me.
I remember vaguely sometime in the middle of the night he crawled into bed beside me and, in a whisper, asked if I was going to kick him out of the bed. Apparently in my sleep I do things like that... tell him to f*** off, or knee him in the back or elsewhere, or just plain shove him off the bed. I don't understand it. I would never knowingly or willingly do those things. Yet I constantly ask myself how would I feel if someone did that to me, even in their sleep?
I have felt so helpless over the situation that all I can do is pray that I will be civil while I'm asleep. I love cuddling with Mechanic. He's an absolutely wonderful person to snuggle with - why on Gaia's green earth would I kick him out of the bed???
Anyway... I'm going to spend a little more time working on Michael's website. I want it to be a finished product so he can hand out the URL to his friends and be proud of it. And maybe I'm just a little proud of it, too. *grin* It's not easy coming up with all the content and figuring out how you want the navigation to go and stuff like that. However, when it all comes together, it feels real good.
Take it easy... or take it whichever way you can. *wink*
~Paisley Blue
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