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November 19, 2002
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The Adventures of Paisley
Blue
Things seem kinda weird in my life at the moment but I'm sure it's just me. I feel a lot of opposition or duality inside. I want to stay home but I want to go out. I want to be sober but I want to be drunk. I want to draw and write and create and I want to just sit and watch the tv all night. How can you want both at the same time?
There's one thing to say about it - no matter what you do, part of you will be disappointed but the other part of you will be satisfied.
Yesterday I called my mother and told her that I had lost the baby. It was an interesting yet strange conversation. She told me the happenings with the family, the fussing and feuding, the happenings at church... and the more she spoke of all this, the happier I felt that I lived thousands of miles away. I told her flat out that I was glad to not be there in the middle of the all the fussing and the stress.
She told me that all the siblings are upset with the others for how they are raising (or not raising) their children, for how they handle their money and their time and their lives... I kept thinking - imagine how they would have a field day with me and my life!
Yesterday was the gay skate night and when first asked how late I had to work, I told the guys 7 pm. However, I could work it out if I needed to, and I was starting to get interested in going especially after I figured out that if I took paper and pens I could draw in the concession area. Well, I guess Michael did not hear any of this and he invited another gal to go. That filled up the car and so I stayed behind.
That's when I talked with mom for 45 minutes... and as soon as I hung up I got a voicemail. The guys had called just moments before asking me to call on either cell phone. I called and got the news to meet them all at the emergency room. Mechanic had fallen on the rink and split his chin open.
After what seemed like countless hours in the ER, he finally emerged with three stitches and a headache. Not wanting that to be the end of the evening, though, he decided we would all go to a movie, which we did. We saw Femme Fatale which was a very odd movie. I kinda liked it but the guys were trashing on it hardcore.
Well, I gotta run. Tschuss!
~Paisley Blue
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© 2000 by Heidi Rosner
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