 |
The Adventures of Paisley
Blue
I survived Christmas 2002. hehe
There were some real good moments yesterday, and there were some moments that were less than ideal to put it nicely. But what would the holidays be without a little drama and chaos? Especially in my life?
This morning Michael moved out. I told him he didn't have to go but with all the things that went on yesterday, he decided it was time to go so we could part while we were all still friends. Its hard to believe he's gone but Opera says he came and got his stuff while I was at work today. Its kinda strange... this is the third time Michael has moved out from me.
Mechanic slept all day today, waking up only after 4 pm. What a life! I got here a little late so I worked a little late and now I'm taking a moment to update my journal because something else cool happened today. First, though, I wanted to catch other stuff up, like this Christmas stuff... holidays are one of those things that go slipping through my brain.
So today I was writing an email to a friend, trying to explain myself about what I had been talking about... I had been writing about the kind of love that surpasses all the other kinds... it can encompass them, but none of them are "it," so to speak. So here is the quote, so I can remember it forever:
Love doesn't pay the bills, put food on the table or keep the tax man away... but love keeps the spirit alive and keeps us moving forward, even beyond what we think we can endure. True love cannot be purchased because it is worth more than any price man can devise. I'm not necessarily talking about romantic love... I mean the pure, unsullied and enduring love of one soul for another. If two people have that kind of love for each other, they have achieved something that few ever do in this life, I believe.
I think this kind of pure love cannot be achieved quickly. It takes many years to develop. In my mind it's kind of like a delicate flower that grows into a strong plant. First, the seed has to take hold, and in this world that's an iffy thing at best.
For the seeds that do sprout, they have so much to endure - the buffeting of the wind and rain, the dangers of insects and disease, the attack of playful kittens, the fingers of children gathering flowers for their moms... and yet, if they survive all that, those few blooms become beautiful flowers.
In a field of beautiful flowers, how many more didn't make it? How many died so the few might live? And then, that field of flowers looks attractive, looks like a good hiding spot for some, looks like a temptation to others... and by the end of the first season, there might not be too many flowers left.
Of those few that are left, how many will survive that first winter? Getting through the summer was a picnic compared to what's coming - the freezing temperatures, the snow, the short hours of sunlight...
And when spring finally arrives there might be a handful of flowers remaining. They won't look quite the same, but they are alive. They will greedily drink in the soft spring rain and the warm sun. When the insects and the children come around again, the new young flowers will be the tempting ones, not the old frazzled flowers.
But its those old frazzled flowers that will turn into a vine, and that vine will gnarl into a plant, and from that plant will come more flowers, year after year multiplying in abundance, beautiful and yet out of reach to the children's fingers and not a good hiding place... Sure, the plant will be susceptible to other problems, but to have survived that long, to have made it that far, there's a confidence that any problem can be weathered from this point forward.
And even if something happens and the plant is destroyed, it will still live on in the millions of seeds it has scattered every year.
This is the kind of love that people crave. This is why people get married time after time after time, hoping they can find just a little piece of this happiness during their lives. This is what we see in the faces of some couples who have been married 40 and 50 and 60 years. There is a serenity in their eyes that we young'uns can only imagine.
I thought this was sufficiently profound that I wanted to record it here, so I can read it and enjoy it and be uplifted by it, especially when I feel certain feelings of hopelessness or sadness or despair about whether I will ever feel this again... whether I will be loved like that again...
Maybe I am the greedy one. I have been married several times when others have not even been married once. However, I tend to think that's a result of their unwillingness to risk their hearts. I, on the other hand, am willing to try because I know the potential reward is great. One day I'll probably try again. Shucks... my heart tends to lead me places I'd never even dream of... such as Seattle. LOL
No telling where I'll be in five years, right? I know where I'd like to be... at a certain person's side... wherever in the world that is... but that won't happen unless I am asked to be there.
Have a wonderful, peaceful night.
~Paisley Blue
|
http://www.oocities.org/paisley_blue/jour/02/122602.html
Contact
webmaster @ paisley_blueATyahoo.com
|
