March 18, 2003
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The Adventures of Paisley
Blue
I'm not quite as carefree and happy as I was a week ago. Our country, and in a sense, the entire globe is holding its breath as we are on the brink of war. Yesterday President Bush gave Saddam Hussein a 48-hour ultimatum. Get out of Iraq on your own or get forcibly removed.
Millions of people have been demonstrating around the world for peace. Millions of people have protested this heightened state of violence. Many see the United States as the agressor, as in the wrong. A few countries have stuck their necks out with us, most notably Great Britain's Tony Blair.
I just watch it all in a sense of horrible frustration and anticipation. We certainly live in interesting times. I don't know if the issues with North Korea get as much airplay in the east as they do here in the pacific northwest... but it makes news and gets people's attention anytime someone says that Seattle is in the crosshairs of a North Korean nuclear missile.
My family is trying to be calm in the face of what they are sure is Armageddon, especially as I am thousands of miles away. At times recently my mother has begged me to come home. How hard it is to resist when I know she is scared out of her mind that I live in a major city which could be hit by terrorists or missiles. Not to mention a volcano or major earthquake...
However, I know that disaster and terror can happen anywhere. Living in a small town or a rural location is no guarantee of safety. On top of that, it seems like everywhere I go, things seem to happen... maybe they are safer if I'm not near them. Now there's an interesting twisted thought. But then again, I have so far (knock on wood) not been majorly injured in any of these events that follow me... they just scare the hell outta me.
So I try and convince them that I am helping a large number of people by staying here and doing my job - which is true. I tell them that all I wanted to do when I was growing up was to be a wife and mother - which is true. I point out to them that I have tried over and over to make that dream come true - which is true. I tell them I realized that it wasn't happening for me, so I tried to figure out what good I am in this world - which is true.
Then I tell them that after all the things I have survived and all the times I thought I was worthless, that I found a job where I am considered invaluable - which is true. I tell them that this job has a future, which means a career, which means I can perhaps amount to something - which is true. I tell them about my supervisor who acts more like a mentor, encouraging me and pushing me to do things that make me stretch and grow - which is true.
And then I tell them that while I hate being so far from them, I feel like this is where I need to be right now - which is true. I miss watching the kids grow up - which is true. I wish I could find a way to teleport back to Arkansas and visit them whenever it would be convenient for both sides, weekly, monthly or daily... but so far science has not perfected that mode of transportation.
In the meantime I am planning to go back there for a vacation this summer... and meet my newest neice. My sister had her 6th child on March 13th at 11:19 pm. She was 21 inches long and weighed 9 lbs. 15 oz. Now I have six neices and seven nephews. A baker's dozen. And Christmas is only nine months away. *heavy sigh*
No, really, I love having all these neices and nephews. I have been fortunate enough to start receiving letters from three of them, too. We exchange little notes and they send me drawings and I send them fun things. They tell me how much they miss me, and ask me whether I'm happy. They just melt my heart.
My heart is rather full these days, too. My special friend and I have been making some wonderful memories together... he has met Mechanic and Michael, quite by accident but not a problem in any way. It's just that I was not where I said I would be, at the time I said I'd be there... having been held up by my vice president at work. That was a most interesting and beautiful day.
This afternoon I was looking at the newspaper - The Seattle Post-Intelligencer - and discovered a front page article that made me deliriously happy. It's about the chapel on the USS Abraham, and how they are accomodating everyone from fundamentalist Christians to pagans. Pagans? That perked me up and got my attention.
I was so impressed by this article that I found it online, and turned it into a PDF document so you can see the article and the photos that accompanied it. I wanted to remember this little piece of good news while we all sit here on the brink of war.
Chapel that embraces all creeds.
Well, that is the main highlights of my life at the moment, I suppose. Due to spring, my allergies and my asthma have flared up but hopefully I'll be okay. Tomorrow is the staff retreat that I have been working so hard to prepare for... so I'll be more relaxed when that is over.
Besides, I get off work early on Thursday and have special plans, and I want to be very healthy and energetic for that.
I feel like the world is about to change....
~Paisley Blue
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"Winter's Slumber" from New World Creations.
© Atmara Rebecca Cloe. Available for use by permission only.
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