(2004)
6-08-04 |
Original Story by: Sheridan Le Fanu Starring: Maratama Carlson, Bonny Giroux With: Brinke Stevens |
Never before in my life have I been a victim of such blatantly false advertising. You can imagine how excited we at Phantom Films were when we passed Vampires Vs. Zombies on the video store shelf. I almost exploded. But about two minutes after we popped this thing in our dreams of a great film were shattered, as well as my faith in the human race. To get right to the point, never once in this excruciating piece of cinema feces does a vampire touch a zombie. At least not in the way you'd think from the cover. What promises to be a movie about the age-old battle between the undead and the living dead is nothing more than a road trip movie minus the plot. I believe Carmilla and Jenna pointlessly wrestle with a few zombie schoolgirls at the end, but trust me, putting yourself through the rest of this film is an exercise in cinemasochism. But what if you're a Brinke Stevens fan? Well, this B-movie queen (Cheerleader Massacre, Delta Delta Die!) is only in the "film" for about four scenes. Vampires Vs. Zombies appears to be as much of a waste of her time as it is yours. Not to say that there was nothing good about the movie. First and most obvious is the fact it's shot on 16mm (or so we believe) as opposed to digital, giving this film at least that much production value. And the sound is pretty good. Directorially, a couple good touches were just how brutal the old man who looked like Col. Sanders came off, and the random meowing vampire near the end. And...that's about it. I really wanted to like this movie, as did everyone else with me. But the box and movie title are traps, hiding something much more sinister. Vampires Vs. Zombies is nothing more than cinema vomit meant to dull your mind for 85 minutes, so stay away if you value your warm, squishy brains. |
