(2001)

review by:

9-17-03

Written by: Alex Wright Directed by: Chris Angel Starring: Jason Connery, A.J. Cook, Tobias Mehler, John Novak

For those of you who may not already be familiar with the Djinn and his wacky exploits of torture and death, this third installment of the series revisits familiar territory when a demon from another dimension, disguised this time as a British archaeology professor (sorry, Andrew Divoff fans!), wreaks havoc on the life of a young college student in order to coerce her into making three wishes that will allow the Djinn to summon the rest of his kind to take over the world. Rinse...repeat. It's a sad but true fact that some movie franchises just cannot survive having their title actors replaced. Can you imagine a Nightmare on Elm Street movie that didn't star Robert Englund? Or how about Indiana Jones without Harrison Ford? Well, the Wishmaster series has neither the fame nor the cult following that either of those movies has amassed, yet Andrew Divoff was no less vital to his respective franchise. Watching a Wishmaster movie without Andrew Divoff is like watching a chicken run around with its head cut off: sure, it's got its kicks, but just can't help but notice there's something missing. Alas, if you've come here seeking more deep-throated, sinister- looking goodness, I'm afraid you'll have to settle for Faust: Love of the Damned, but I doubt anyone's that desperate for a Divoff fix. The Law of Averages predicts that there must be a few Wishmaster fans out there who are impartial to the aforementioned actor. Well, congratulations are in order, for you are part of an astronomically small group of people. But, if you insist on knowing how this movie stands on its own, I have nothing but bad news for you. For starters, Wishmaster 3 maintains no continuity with the previous two installments. Rather than being encased in a statue, the fire opal that houses the Djinn is found in a small box that looks suspiciously like the one from Hellraiser (in its opened form). Also, the whole deal of collecting souls to charge the opal before the "waker" makes her wishes has been done away with. The only way I can see that this movie could be consistent with the other two is if this is an entirely different Djinn, which would explain why the rules, the location of the opal, and his attitude (not to mention the actor) are so different. But then, this is a horror movie, and as Halloween H2O taught us, continuity doesn't matter for shit in such films. Story elements aside, the technical nature of Wishmaster 3 is a mixed brew. The movie starts off with a rather impressive car crash for a movie of this or any other caliber, leading us into a false sense of this being an actually decent film. The over-acting and bad camera work quickly dashed our hopes. I can't be sure about this, but I have the sneaking suspicion that Chris Angel has worked on a soap opera or two before landing this project. The extreme close-ups and badly-framed over-the-shoulder shots made this feel more like an episode of Days of Our Lives than a horror film. Jason Connery, who plays the human alter ego of the Djinn, simply isn't intimidating as a villain at all. John Novak, the actual Djinn, does an ok job, but he's only in the movie for a collective five minutes. And after Tobias Mehler's character gets possessed by Michael the Archangel (yes, you read that correctly), he may as well have been punched in the head and had his testicles torn off, cuz I've seen furniture put on a better performance than that. You'll have to excuse me if I misidentified the above actors, since even the cast-listing in the end credits was done wrong! The make-up team, however, definitely gets a gold star as this film has some of the best and grossest effects I've ever seen. Seeing a girl vomit up her own bloody body-fat is almost more than I could stomach (pun intended). I haven't felt that nauseous during a movie since seeing Kevin Bacon in a Speedo in the first Friday the 13th. Speaking of gratuitous nudity, I almost forgot to mention the sex scene. Everyone knows that sex between minor characters in a horror flick is used for the sole purpose of setting up a kill (and attracting the teenage male audience). Everyone, that is, except Alex Wright. There is a sex scene, the only one, in Wishmaster 3 which has absolutely nothing to do with anything. Gratuitous sex of that nature is what they invented porn for. The film crew was probably so desperate to inject some excitement into their movie that they figured sex would be the breast, er, best way to do it. Sorry guys. Purposeless sex has no place in a horror movie and only serves to slow down what, in this case, is an already boring film (just watch Morgana if you don't believe me). Finally, I must comment on the subtitle, for it is only after having seen the movie that you realize that "Beyond the Gates of Hell" has no meaning whatsoever. The Djinn's plan fails once again (there's a shocker) and there aren't any scenes of the Djinn's dimension, so there isn't anything seen or coming from 'beyond the gates of hell'. Do I detect a hint of segregated project management? Hmmm... Well, I really wanted to like this movie, seeing as how the first two were pretty good, but I'm afraid Wishmaster 3 just doesn't have anything to offer. Fans will be disappointed in the way that it doesn't live up to the original, and newcomers should definitely stay away lest they be deterred from seeing the original. The only wish I want to see granted at this point is for the fourth installment to save a bit of face for this dying franchise. But without Divoff's help, I doubt it would have a sandwich's chance at a hobo convention.

AKA: Lord of Delusions          Opals Are a Girl's Best Fiend

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