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Ally McBeal Episode Guide
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MarchMarch 27, 2000This week's episode started off with a 7 Flush but ended up receiving 9 Flushes due to a dramatic ending. The show begins simply enough with John Cage stuck in an elevator. Somehow, his legs and butt are dangling out of an elevator which is headed up. His legs and butt are in the office of his firm, but his head is still in the elevator. Everyone but Nelle seems to care about helping John. Nelle is pretty disgusted by him. She realizes that John is communicating with Fish via a cell phone. Nelle takes Fish's phone and tells John that their relationship is over. Anyway, the fire department shows up after many hours of waiting and rescues John. John is sent to the hospital where he is stuck in bed for a number of days. He has no serious injuries but his body needs to recover. Nelle visits John in the hospital and explains to him why she broke up with him. She says that John is too quirky: that he has a remote control for everything (including toilet seats and high-heeled shoes), plays with frogs, likes weird people, and does not understand Nelle's sense of a social hierarchy. She says that their break up was inevitable, and although he does not say anything, John's face expresses disagreement.In the meantime, Billy and Ally are defending a woman in an annulment case. The husband says that he and his wife had never had sex before their wedding because they believed in chastity. On their wedding night, as they began to make love, he realized that his wife had breast implants. She admitted to having them and then admitted to having had a face lift, a nose job, and a tummy tuck. He says that he feels frauded by his wife and wants an annulment. Billy and Ally argue that the marriage should not be annulled and that if the husband wants to leave his wife then he should get a divorce. They know that this man is so religious that he will never get a divorce. Despite the case that is going on, Billy tells everyone about his brain tumor. The doctors tell him that it is benign, but Billy continually has hallucinations in which he sees naked women and even miniature versions of Ally, Georgia, Elaine, Nelle, and Ling dancing. Billy is really losing his sense of self. Billy decides that he needs to get more brain tests done. He tells Ally. She asks if he wants her to go with him, and he says no, because Georgia is going, but then he says yes. All three go to the doctor and the doctor tells Billy that the brain tumor seems benign and that as long as the tumor does not grow that he should be fine, but as Billy's hallucinations get worse, the doctor tells Billy that he should get brain surgery performed this weekend that is coming up. Billy agrees. Knowing that his surgery is coming up, he breaks up with Sandy. He tells Sandy that she should not be with him. She says that she wants to help him, but he says that when he goes to get surgery, he does not want to be holding Sandy's hand, that he should be with somebody else. Anyway, Billy and Ally's trial continues. Billy rises to give his final statement. As his final statement comes to a close, Billy reflects on marriage and its sanctity. He tells the judge that the other lawyer sitting at his table (meaning Ally) has been married to him for twelve years and that they have two beautiful children. The two of them (Billy and Ally) have known each other since they were eight years old and that hey had never spent a day apart. Billy says that he has loved Ally and will always love Ally, because "In the end, love is all that counts." He explains that he and Ally have always and will always love each other. Then he says that he is done with his closing and that he is tired and then he sits down on the floor and collapses. Ally runs over to his side and learns that he is not breathing. The next scene shows Ally entering her office. She walks in and tells everyone that Billy Allen Thomas passed away forty minutes ago. Funeral preparations begin. Georgia comes to visit Ally. Ally lies to Georgia and tells her that Billy's last words were, "Tell Georgia I love her." Georgia is touched by this. They discuss that Billy should have a happy funeral, because Billy believed in clichés where people remember you living, instead of mourning your death. Nonetheless, who will help Ally grieve? Elaine is not on the show this week, because Lisa Nicole Carson is at a rehab clinic so Ling comforts Ally. The next day, there is a funeral. Ally rises to give a speech. She shares that in Billy's last moments of life he was thinking about love. She relates his comment about love being all that counts to an earlier comment where Billy had told Ally in private that "it's stronger than death." At the time she did not know what Billy meant by "it" but that he had to have meant love. She says that Billy had changed in the past few months, but that in his last few minutes of living that he had returned to his old, loving self. But she warned Heaven to be careful because, "there's a new man in town." (That is a song which had been Billy's theme for the changes that had been happening inside of him.) We are left with the thought that "When I die, there'll be a new child to carry on" and that the child who will carry on for Billy will need big shoes. The funeral was a touching moment that saddened me and I almost wept a little. On a final note, John could not attend Billy's funeral because he was stuck in the hospital.
QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: Whenever I do something unlikable, I embrace being a total bitch. There's some power in it. --Nelle explaining to John why she broke up with him when he was most vulnerable.
March 20, 2000Ally continues a downward spiral with this 5 Flush episode in which nothing had any purpose. The main plot of the show involved a murder case. The last new episode had Cage represent a number of weirdoes. This week, one of the weirdoes, Paul Potts, has been arrested for murder. The district attorney claims that Potts killed his boss, Joel Schofield over the fact that Potts has been fired by Joel. Cage will again represent Potts and everyone in the firm wants to help Cage on this murder case. Fish will second chair and Ally will third chair. But this eagerness over a murder case makes no sense. Only two years ago, the firm was too scared to be involved in a murder trial so they hired Bobby Donell's firm over at The Practice. As a matter of a fact, during that episode Ally said that criminals in general and murderers in specific gave her the "ick." Anyway, the only evidence against Potts is that Joel's wife heard a clapping noise during the time of the murder. The clapping noise was four repetitive claps one after the other which is the very clap that Potts has and is considered his weirdness. In addition, there was a pen found with Potts's fingerprints at the house of Joel. Ally tries to find out what happened. She learns that Joel was having an affair with someone at his office named Nancy and that maybe the wife learned of this affair and that Joel wanted to leave his wife for Nancy so the wife killed her husband. The problem is that the wife would not have been able to get the pen. However, Nancy did work at the office. Ally thinks that maybe Joel was trying to break up his affair and that Nancy did not want to end her affair with Joel so she killed him and then framed Potts. Ally goes to Nancy's house to find out about this...she even wears a wire. Nancy acts quite suspicious at her house, and Ally accuses Nancy of killing Joel. Nancy says that Ally's suggestion is absurd. Ally, however, snoops around Nancy's house and finds Joel's wife hiding out at the house. Apparently, Nancy and the wife were having an affair. Joel had been overheard fighting with Nancy not because they were having an affair but because she was sleeping with his wife. Nancy and wife conspired to kill Joel. Potts is released. Nancy and the wife almost killed Ally, but Fish and Cage had been eavesdropping on the conversation. They realized Ally was in trouble, and they came in pretending to be FBI agents and saved Ally, but they did get arrested for impersonating FBI agents. What was wrong with this storyline? Fish acted out of character by asking stupid and obnoxious questions at the wrong time. Normally, Fish is witty, but this episode he said nothing of substance. Also, every time a witness discussed the murder, Ally would scream which was very tiring.Anything else this week? Billy sees one of the weirdoes at the office. This weirdo is a transvestite and a very ugly one at that, but Billy continually mistakes this transvestite for a woman and comes on to her. Billy then sees Sandy walk into his office one day. Billy goes to kiss Sandy, but when the kiss is over, we discover that Billy is really kissing Nelle. Billy then sees two miniature people on his desk. One of the people is Ally shouting that she wants to marry Billy and the other person is Georgia shouting that she wants to divorce Billy. One of them bites Billy in the nose. He feels the pain, jumps back, and ends up bumping into Nelle. Nelle tells Billy that he should get some help. She says that he should go and see a neurologist because of his hallucinations. Billy says that he cannot go because he has an appointment with his most important client. Nelle says that she will cover the meeting. Billy goes to the neurologist's office and gets some tests performed. The next time we see him, Billy is at Georgia's office. He sits downs by her desk and tells Georgia that he has a brain tumor. The episode closes. But a side note. When Nelle meets with Billy's client, she does not just fill in for Billy. Instead, she makes the client who is Billy's most important client her own. Also, Ling notices that Nelle has stolen one of Richard's clients. Ling asks what Nelle is up to. Nelle explains that she wants to see some changes at the office. To get those changes, she needs to accumulate some power. Nelle's mischievousness will most definitely be supported by Ling. NEXT WEEK: Billy has cancer, now what? March 13, 2000Rerun from last season with Haley Joel Osmont (more recently of, The Sixth Season).March 6, 2000RerunFebruaryFebruary 28, 2000What a waste of an episode....they get Tina Turner to come on the show and do nothing with her. This simplistic episode only gets 6 Flushes...isn't weird that simple can be so good yet simplistic never can. Ally and Elaine decide to enter a contest at the bar for a chance to sing back-up for Tina Turner. The girls are very excited b/c Miss Turner will be judging the contest. However, Ally's spirits are dampened when Billy recommends "in the spirit of candor and friendship" that Ally not enter the contest. Ally, already bitter that Billy is dating Sandy, replies "in the continued spirit of our candor, I can see your roots." Yet when Ally gets nervous the day of the contest, Billy talks Ally into sticking with the contest. Ally does follow this advice and goes up to perform. She does a great job and wins. Elaine is heart-broken that Ally won. However, just before the contest begins, the person who announced the winner of the contest came to Elaine and told Elaine that she should have won...it's just that Tina did not want to be upstaged. As it turns out, Ling had asked the announcer to tell Elaine this message, because Elaine had been so hurt by her defeat. Anyway, Ally goes up to sing and is doing great until every person in the bar begins to look like Billy. The next day, Ally is so distressed because during her performance, she only saw Billy. She starts punching things which prompts Elaine to say, "One night and she's [acting like] a diva." Billy comes to ask Ally what is wrong. Ally tells Billy that she is upset at him, because he has left her for Sandy. The two decide that they should become friends again. However, will their relationship stop at friendship?Fish and Cage represent four "weirdoes" who have been fired for being weird. Their employer fired them because he claimed that they could not build a client base. They were originally hired because the firm was small and needed competent people, but as the company has expanded, the firm needs respectable people to be working at the firm, not transvestites, compulsive clappers and repeaters, obese people, and scary-faced people. John takes this case quite personally because he is weird himself. John wins. After winning, all of the weirdoes of Boston dance through the streets. Yes, the plot was this absurd.
ALLY'S BEST CUT DOWN TO ELAINE: You're more Liza Minelli than Tina Turner.
February 21, 2000An interesting, if not special episode of Ally that takes 6 Flushes. Ally is in a coffeeshop. The guy behind the counter tries to hit on Ally. He says that his name is Hammond Dearing and that he has seen Ally in this coffeeshop everyday for the past three months and just wants a date with her. She says no, but he will not give up so he kisses her in an attempt to win her over. In response, Ally pours her cappuccino over him. She returns to work and tells Nelle that the coffee guy hit on her. Nelle says, "Ick. Nothing worse than getting hit on by the little people." John overhears this and wonders why Nelle has so many problems with the lower classes. (NOTE: We are now entering a major tangent). Nelle and John get into a huge fight about whether or not it is OK to discriminate based on money. Nelle says that women have every right to pick men based on their economic situation, because "Men make class distinctions. They just base them on body parts." John disagrees and finds Nelle to be "a rich, bitch elitist snob." That aside, Fish explains to John, "The little jingle aside, all men are not equal...some are fat...some are ugly....The equalizer is money." Perhaps Fish's crude philosophy is right. John seems to eventually buy this argument, and Nelle and John return to their blissful state.As for Ally, she returns to the coffeeshop the next day and tries to hide her face from Hammond, but he recognizes her and tries to hit on her again. But now, Hammond shares that he owns this coffeeshop as well as three others. Ally reexamines things and thinks about Hammond as being rich, but she decides that she still does not like him, so she dumps her beverage on him again. Anyway, that morning Ally is due in court. She is appealing a case. She represents Evan Stevens who is appealing a lower court's decision that Evan needs to pay alimony to his now ex-wife. Ally says that Evan should not have to pay the money, because his ex-wife is a lesbian, and therefore, the marriage was a fraud. Because this a court of appeals, there are three judges. Who is one of the judges? Hammond Dearing. He says that if Ally wants, he will resign, but Ally says this is not necessary. Ally begins her argument for the court of appeals, and Hammond slams down everyone of her comments including one that argued that the wife frauded the husband by not saying she was gay. Ally loses the case and is mad so she goes to speak with Hammond. Hammond says that she lost the case because she deserved to lose. Ally asks why an appellate judge would own and work at coffeeshops. Hammond says that he likes to be with and observe the common man (yeah, right!) Ally and Hammond get into a big fight so he throws her in jail for contempt. Hammond says that he will let her out of jail if she does "community service" one night at his coffeeshop. She agrees, and the two work together. They have major chemistry (but they really do not, I would not consider a cheesy song playing while two people making coffee chemistry), and so Hammond asks Ally out the next night. She says yes, and then Hammond confesses to being bisexual. Ally is quite taken aback by this confession. The two get into a very long discourse over why Ally cannot be with a bisexual man. In the end Ally says, "Sometimes prejudice just wins out," and she will not date a bisexual man. Billy and Sandy finally hook up. Sandy is not sure if she should do it again, but Ally tells her there are three reasons to be with Billy: 1) Under the bleached head, he's a great guy, 2) being loved by him or loving him is special, and 3) if he's even a maybe (as in a may be husband), you have to try because guys who could be the one don't come along often, if ever. Sandy likes what Ally says and will give Billy a chance. Fish and John walk in on these two kissing. Fish responds, "Excellent. She'll sue. Excellent."
JOHN'S GADGET OF THE WEEK: A remote that undoes the hair clips in Nelle's hair.
February 14, 2000After two phenomenal episodes of Ally this bad one stunk all the more and only received six flushes...maybe five. Ally is driving her car one day when she sees a handsome man pull by her. Her car is behind his at a traffic light. Ally is feeling lonely. She reasons, "Life is short, and it's Valentine's Day" so she rams into him. The guy's name is Dennis, and he is very angry that Ally bumped into him, but he soon realizes that Ally hit him only to hit on him. (good word play, Peter). Well, Ally's plan worked. The two go out on a date and are enjoying themselves (Ally's really found herself a winner, this guy is an oncologist) when we hear Dennis's laugh. The best way to describe the laugh would be a combo of braying, squealing, and snorting (or that's what the closed captioning on my TV screen called the laugh...don't ask why I watch TV with the closed captioning), but it just sounded weird to me...some chortles and some sounds that were not laughter and some snorting straight from Revenge of the Nerds. The next day, Dennis shows up at Ally's office at which point Ally has Nelle decide if Ally is paranoid for disliking the laugh. The three along with Elaine talk, and finally Dennis laughs. Nelle says that Ally should definitely dump this guy. Ally dumps him, and now all of a sudden, Dennis sues Ally for damaging his car. Dennis even claims to have a neck injury. Dennis hires his brother as his attorney, but the two brothers want to settle the case. Ally says that they will not settle until she hears them both laugh in unison at which point she agrees to pay $25,000 just to get these guys out of her office.We discover that Ling has been visiting a senior citizen's home every Wednesday afternoon since her college days (although this would be hard considering she went to Cornell and now lives in Boston). One of Ling's friends is getting kicked out of the home, because he stirs up to much excitement. The guy's name is Marty, and he insists that pygmies are haunting the retirement community. Ling sues the retirement home so that Marty can stay. Marty tells Ling that he cannot say the pygmies are fake, because the pygmies bring hope to the other people in the retirement community (Don't ask about this, because it is as dumb and far-fetched as it seems). Ling, however, realizes that Marty really sees pygmies...and he sees them in the same way that Ally saw a dancing baby two seasons ago. Anyway, Marty is kicked out of the retirement home so Ling agrees to tale care of Marty. On Marty's first night out, he sees a pygmy, gets scared, runs into the street and is hit by a car. He goes to the hospital and is brain dead. Ling pulls the plug in a supposed-to-be-but-really-wasn't emotional scene.
QUESTION OF THE EPISODE: Where is Renee? It's been two weeks since we've looked at her.
February 7, 2000This was the best episode of Ally in a very long time, and I give it 10 flushes (out of a possible ten flushes). This episode served as an apology for a lot of the lunacies that we've been forced to sit through over the past season and a half, and I was very willing to accept the apology. Here's the entire premise of the episode: Georgia sues the firm. She claims that the sexually charged atmosphere of the firm changed Billy and damaged her relationship with Billy. In a preliminary motion, Richard is put on the stand, and he testifies to his sleeping with one of the associates, to touching everybody's waddle, and to having a unisex bathroom. Then John goes on the stand, he tries to repair the image of the firm, but Georgia's lawyer, a fellow named Tim Fallow who is known as Tiny Tim (and is played by the guy who played Buger or Booger in the movie Revenge of the Nerds), questions whether or not John is having an affair with one of the firm's associates and whether he spanked this woman with a brush and then he asks John if he had ever hired a prostitute. John is struck speechless by this thought and refuses to speak until much later in the day when Nelle advises that they settle the case out of court. John says definitely no. BUT Richard is really disturbed by the suit, he says that when they (Fish and Cage) started the firm that they had three goals which were, in order, to 1) make money, 2) make money, 3) have fun, and 4) make money. Fish wants to know what happened to goal number three. He says that he wanted the firm to be fun b/c when he was a kid he did not want to become an adult, but now he is that which he never wanted to be. Cage says that the firm is good as it is, and that they are a family and that they are just kids. This whole kids metaphor is what the episode was about...that even though these people are adults that they have not yet realized their age or their growth. We forgive all of the outlandish behavior of these crazy kooks at the law firm, because they are so lost and do not know who they are. They are just as lost as I am, and I am only in college. They have to be crazy, because that is all they are. I understood the fantasizing so much more this episode, if for no other reason that because there was no fantasizing. That's right, Ally did not have a single image this week.What happens? Billy testifies on the stand and makes a mess of the case by being more chauvinistic and disgusting than usual. He claims that mothers should stay at home and that wives should sexually satisfy their husbands. Who's up next? Georgia. John cross-examines her, because he wants revenge after being humiliated on the stand. He tears Georgia apart for never having complained about the unisex bathroom or asking Billy to leave the firm. He then grills Georgia about kissing Ally's father. He also says that maybe Ally was part of the problem, because Ally was Billy's true love. This whole bit was really funny, because John put a label on Ally and called her "Exhibit A" and he continually referred to her as "Exhibit A." John was really gaining momentum and was about to totally humiliate Georgia when Billy tells John to stop badgering her. The conclusion? John gives a closing in which he says that he remembers being a little child and his father going to a funeral. The funeral was for John's dad's coworker...the coworker and dad had offices next to each other for 17 years, yet when John asked his dad if the man had been a good man, the dad could not answer b/c he did not really know the guy. John says that his firm is not an impersonal place and that he makes no mistakes for that fact. John is happy that his two best friends (Richard and Ally) and his girlfriend (Nelle) work at his place of employ. They are a family of children...almost in a "Party of Five" manner. I was just like...wow! After this closing, the judge went into chambers. Georgia came over to the firm and said that she is very angry at the firm. After she quit, they had no cake or party. Since she quit, nobody has called her to say hi or find out how she was doing. The judge returns and says that Georgia's case had no merit, that you cannot sue a law firm for breaking up a marriage. At the end of the episode, Ally invites Georgia to eat dinner with the firm. Everyone agrees that Georgia is part of the law firm family and that she belongs with them. Yeah, Ally! Yeah, Georgia! Yeah, TV show! QUOTE OF THE EPISODE: We've gone from people with bright futures to people who should be having those futures. --Billy reflecting on how aging has not come out as planned.
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