my favorite on line sim is closing :(

The Rockstar Game Online

waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa! 

current mood:  sad
current music: Pearl Jam _Riot Act_ 

And I think it went well. There were a few other people there and i felt comfortable with the environment. Since i was the only one that hadn't been before...we started out with my story.

We all spent a lot of time talking about love...about twisted perceptions of reality, about how long does it take to fall in love, and about meaning in our own lives. The pyschologist keyed in on a few of the thoughts I've been having...namely, why is it that I latch onto people and "fall in love" so easily, about how part of my problem is I just haven't had enough experience with relationships, about why does my life feels meaningless in and of itself right now? He said something that I'm thinking about a lot right now; knowing ABOUT someone versus KNOWING someone...

and i think that's one of the big problems I've had with this recent women...I thought I knew her, when, really, i only knew about her. I thought by her reading my journal, she knew me, when, really, she only knew about me.

and i found myself getting a bit defensive at times...i saw that and realized that it's only normal...of course i will get defensive at times...therapy isn't going to be a walk in the park. As i was leaving, i shared a small conversation with one of the regulars while we smoked...and I remember vividly him saying "When you walk away angry...that's when you know you had one of the best sessions"

So today wasn't one of the best sessions...i didn't walk away angry. I didn't cry. I didn't really feel much of anything...

in time. in time I see it will happen.

today was pretty much just the start of my therapy. 

current mood:  good
current music: Pearl Jam _Riot Act_  

sadgirlseven 
2002-12-11 22:46 
i am *so* glad that you're going to therapy...that's a great step towards feeling better and making better decisions for yourself. *big big hugs*

rainingvodka 
2002-12-12 14:42 
*hugs* me too.

me too.
   
tahiriwolf 
2002-12-12 07:13 
That's good that your first session went so well. I'd have been shocked if you had one of the 'best' sessions first time out--I mean, wouldn't that come after people got to know one another a bit better? Maybe not. Anyway, glad that it seems to be a promising start. 
 
rainingvodka 
2002-12-12 14:40 
Yeah...i would have been surprised had it turned out had it been amazing too. I really didn't know what to expect but it was good...real good. I didn't feel hampered or insecure with the others there at all...i guess it's just because I'm so good about not hiding my emotions. The crappy part thought is they're discontinuing the group sessions due to lack of interest :( There's only gonna be two more sessions probably :( After that it'll be one on ones only.
 
tahiriwolf 
2002-12-12 22:18 
Oh. Well. That just figures. :( Hope the group sessions go well, then. And hope you find a good person to work with one on one. *hugs*
 
verviness 
2002-12-12 08:52 
Things'll get better with time and help. Keep talking, keep going :) Proud of you to the top :) xxx
 
rainingvodka 
2002-12-12 14:41 
thanks :)
 
oddharmonic 
2002-12-12 15:44
Glad to hear it got you thinking and your best sessions are still to come. *hugs*

taliana 
2002-12-12 17:17 
It's a start...and I'm proud that you went.

I like that knowing *about* someone vs really *knowing* someone. I've never really thought about that before, but it is so true.  

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