Fucking _Two Towers_ isn't out over here yet. It won't hit the japanese theatres until Feb 22nd. Mother fuck piss shit. 

Fingers crossed that the Military Theatres get it soon...
 

:( 

current mood:  sad
current music: Pearl Jam _Riot Act_ 

How long does your local base theater take to get new movies? Ours just got Transporter within the past few weeks, but being open only Fri-Sun nights, I don't know if Robert's going to see it (he wants to).

rainingvodka 
2002-12-18 22:38 
sometimes it's quick. sometimes it's not. I don't know :(

greeneyed_devil 
2002-12-18 20:05 
Remind me when it's out for a week or so - occasionally I "stumble" on a few MPEG-format movies here and there... the resolution is not all that great but if you want to see it that badly...

rainingvodka 
2002-12-18 22:39 
i appreciate the offer...but i need to see it on a big screen in a theatre to get the full effect...anything less would be a dissapointment so I'll just have to wait.  
 
 

 
7:47a 
Heh. the public section of this journal seems to be turning into a link farm.

Don't bother naming a star after someone 

3:03p   
true revelations of a fucked up week...

the S-1 shop, which i loosely fall under, went bowling this morning for "sergeant's time training". Hey, it's the holidays, the NCOIC is at Walmart (inside joke), and hell...supposed to be busy day today and tomorrow...why not?

I bowled like a champ, despite not going for like six months. Bowled a 154 and then a 171. This from a 120 average man. go me!

Leave the alley in the rain...

jump is pretty much canceled. At much as I would hate to get up at 3AM tomorrow...i really need to jump sometime soon. Will know for sure this afternoon after my appointment.

eh

que sera sera.

hoping the weather will clear so i can at least dive this weekend.

Holy FUCK but that was a loud thundershot just now! 

current mood: eh
current music: Mudhoney _Five Dollar Bob's Mock Cooter Stew_ 

(Originally posted as a private entry for my eyes only)

3:32p - "Make thought the DD and let the emotions get as drunk as they want...   
Because they will" finished the physciatrist.

I think I had a really good session at group therapy today...I found myself getting a little anger (steve's advice on what makes a session good...)
when confronted with the fact that I said "I'm trying to avoid contacting her"...but there is no "try"...there is, in the words of Yoda..."do, or not do". When one says, the "try" what he/she is really doing is making an excuse for not doing.

"Stop shoulding on ourselves" (can't remember who the doc quoted this from). "Should", "ought", and "must" are all worlds that convey a sense that the way *we* see the world is how we think it is, or rather, how we WANT it to be....and our perceptions of reality may be twisted sometimes...a double edged sword.

By continuing to contact her, by "trying" to avoid her and not succeeding, i push her further away. I'm unsure of whether or not pushing her away is a good or bad thing however...

Forgiving myself is not such a horrible thing...it is more accepting that I am human and as humans do, make mistakes...

Feeling betrayed by her failure to talk is unrealistic...I was the one to first betray our promised honesty, by going through her posessions. I disrespected her and lied to her about it. That was not a good thing to do...but I am human...I make mistakes. I will, in fact, continue to make mistakes, and i may very well (more like, it is likely that I will) not have a good time of it with my next relationship.

Cycles of abuse...being a good person, then a bad person, then trying to "make it right" and eventually becoming the bad person...that's where I'm at...or am I? Did i abuse her or just make a serious of really bad decisions/mistakes? or is that abuse amounts to?

So i take my victories as they come...an hour here, a day there...of non contact.

So why then did I invade her privacy and disrespect her AND our promise? I don't know...but i can guess. Doc says the same...so i guess I'll never really know.

Doc loaned me a book, _The Feeling Good Handbook_ by David D. Burns, M.D. Supposed to be really good -- in a study of people gtiven therapy, and people just given the book...the readers fared quite well against the other group...It goes into the "shouldism" too.

I talked about how I'm starting to see the flaws in her I had either overlooked or never had the opportunity to see...her inability to deal with this issue dead on...not sure if that's a "flaw" per se...it's just different from what I expected i suppose.

Also discussed how the opinion and stance of other people are not an indicator of our own self worth...like when a person doesn't like me...it's not neccesarily because of something I DID, or something thats *wrong* with me...it could be something entirely different, something beyond my control, something the other person brings in completely seperately from me --i.e. i remind the person of someone they dislike or lost or etc., or they are put off by my intelligence, even if i don't discuss it...or job proficiency, etc. The point is that some people just don't get along, and it's not a reflection on either person...it just is the facts of the matter.

My frustration over her silence is self produced...probably by my twisted expectations, or by my misperception of who she is.

Stress management class on the 30th. Next one on one is 6 Jan. FInal group session is 9 Jan. I need to do my "what do i seek to achieve through therapy" homework still...

it's not an easy thing to actually put down on paper...to narrow down to specifics...I may need to go with just the broad face "relationships" issue. 

that just happened. The CD changer played through it's last CD as I was reading. Instead of getting up and disturbing abby (who was dozing in my lap) i sat there and let myself nod off.

I had some very disturbing dream snippets.

Therapy went very well. that's all I'll tell you though...the rest is left in a private entry. 

oddharmonic 
2002-12-19 12:47  
Happens to me too, although usually as a result of sleep deprivation. Last odd ones I had were after Jose's 0300 phone call the other day... among others, I had the very disturbing dream that I accidentally ate glass and then had to repeatedly wash my mouth out with warm saline. grr.

V. glad to hear therapy went well! *hugs and does a happy dance*

taliana 
2002-12-22 13:21 
glad it went well.. 

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