series one - as usual
-- Name: Glen
-- Birthdate: Aug. 5, 1975 
-- Birthplace: Walnut Creek, California
-- Current Location: Yomitan-san, Okinawa Japan
-- Eye Color: brown
-- Hair Color: brown
-- Righty or Lefty: righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Leo
-- Innie or Outtie: innie

series two - describe
-- Your heritage: Slavic/Romanian
-- The shoes you wore today: Corcoran Field Boots
-- Your hair: short. I spike it now when I go out and don't just do the "hat" thing.
-- Your weakness: Caring about things I shouldn't, and not caring about things I should.
-- Your fears: Being hurt again.
-- Your perfect pizza: Hawaiin
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: Making it from Campo, CA all the way to Manning Park, BC

// series three - what is
-- Your most overused phrase: "sup?"
-- Your thoughts first waking up: already?
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: Either the smile (or lack thereof) or the eyes.
-- Your best physical feature: My legs I guess.
-- Your bedtime: I go to BED at around 10PM nowadays...when i fall asleep is anyone's guess.
-- Your greatest accomplishment: I wrote a novel in high school. It was awful, but at least i sustained a thought for some 300 pages.
-- Your most missed memory: Laying in her bed with her arms around me.

// series four - you prefer
-- Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi
-- McDonald's or Burger King: Jack in the Box
-- Single or group dates: dates?
-- Adidas or nike: Nike...although right now I run in a pair of Mizunos
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: i don't drink ice tea too often
-- Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla
-- Cappuccino or coffee: black coffee all the way...although I've started cutting back on my daily caffeine intake.
-- Boxers or briefs: boxers all the way

// series five - do you
-- Smoke: Yes. i curse myself for picking the habit back up post visit. I am going to cut back and quit again soon.
-- Cuss: Yes. i swear so much it's part of normal conversation for me...something I would like to cut back on someday
-- Sing well: to myself and along with the stereo, sure. in public? hardly ever
-- Take a shower everyday: Everday...often times more than once a day.
-- Have a crush(es): No
-- who are they: n/a
-- Do you think you've been in love: Yes.
-- Want to go to college: Did 4 years. plan on going back to complete soon.
-- Like high school: It was OK. Marching Band was fun.
-- Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: No...and I'm so engrained into my style now that I can't change.
-- Believe in yourself: I used to.
-- Get motion sickness: No.
-- Think you're attractive: At times.
-- Think you're a health freak: No
-- Get along with your parents:Yes
-- Like thunderstorms: Yes
-- Play an instrument: I played the trumpet for ten years in school. Now it just sits in it's case collecting dust.

// series six - in the past month, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: I had a wee bit of champaigne on New Years. other than that, no
-- Smoke(d): Too much
-- Done a drug: If you count motrin.
-- Have Sex: With myself, sure. With someone else? not even close
-- Made Out: no
-- Go on a date: no
-- Go to the mall: Yes...this new Okinawan one.
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No.
-- Eaten sushi:Yes...and it was *wonderful*
-- Been on stage: no
-- Been dumped: I don't know at what stage I am in that process...yes?
-- Gone skating: No
-- Made homemade cookies: No
-- Been in love: I've loved...but doesn't being "in love" imply it's returned?
-- Gone skinny dipping: I haven't skinny dipped in many years...
-- Dyed your hair: No
-- Stolen anything: No

// series seven - have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: No
-- If so, was it mixed company: n/a
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Um...yeah
-- Been caught "doing something": no
-- Been called a tease: no.
-- Gotten beaten up: No.
-- Shoplifted: yes
-- If so, did you get caught: no.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: I sort of changed myself to fit into the military...

// series eight - the future
-- Age you hope to be married: Age? no clue.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: If i have a girl, I want to name her anastasia. If I have a boy, no idea. I think 2 children is the ideal number.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: I don't dream of my wedding.
-- How do you want to die: however I die is unimportant to me.
-- Where you want to go to college: I'd like to go back to Humboldt University I think
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: a lawyer
-- What country would you most like to visit: England

// series nine - opposite sex
-- Best eye color: Blue 
-- Best hair color: Black or brown
-- Short or long hair: Short I guess...but not extreme sinead o'conner/G.I. Jane short
-- Best height: 5'4 to 5'8
-- Best weight: average...not skinny, not overweight.
-- Best articles of clothing: sweat pants
-- Best first date location: Anywhere we both feel comfortable enough to talk.
-- Best first kiss location: No idea.

// series ten - number of
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 5
-- Number of CDs that I own: I have 300 commerical CDs with me here, another fifty or so at my parents house, and i guess about 50 more live discs.
-- Number of piercings: none
-- Number of tattoos: none...though that could change someday
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: When I played futbol as a small child i was in the paper for a few goals. Other than that I have no idea
-- Number of scars on my body: Should I strip and count? something like six or seven i think.
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: I regret falling in love with the girl. Right now I can't think of anything else...i'm a big opponent to regret.
 

current mood:  tired
current music: Pearl Jam _Riot Act_ 

utter_nonsense 
2003-01-06 17:25
That's great that you wrote a novel. Not a lot of people can say that.
 
rainingvodka 
2003-01-07 01:14
thanks. I wish i could stay interested in a story line long enough to even write short stories now! Oh well. poetry it seems is as far as I'll ever get now. 

 
3:04p - Onus 
So someday I'm going to be settled over this...it would be a lot fucking easier if she would talk to me...but since i don't see that happening...

I'm not stupid. My biggest mistake was simply falling in love with the wrong girl. Did I fall in love with the real Katrina, an imaginary one, or a combination of the two? I don't know. I may never know...it's all on her to show me which. At this point, the best thing I can do is just let go of any hopes for her love or reconciliation and just live my life. Pondering how she feels or what she wants is pointless right now. Pondering who she is or what I want from her is pointless as well...I can only madden my thoughts -- I have nothing to base these thoughts on. 

I am truly removed from the equation. The onus of progress is on her. If her handling of this arises from whatever her own flaws or issues may be...there is nothing I can do to alter that...and if she rectifies the problems she may have that caused her reactions to me...that is nothing she doesfor my benefit -- it is for her. If, through correcting herself, she seeks reconciliation...THEN question whether it's desireable.

I made mistakes, true...but they were borne of the belief we were both in love, and her rejection of that belief. Obviously I don't take rejection well...
Either this was a casual thing to her and she is unwilling to make it any more than that...only time will tell if that is true...or she is incapable of sustaining true feelings for me.

She may be a bad person. She may be a good person. She may be confused or scarred or whatever...I gave her the benefit of the doubt, that there was more to all of this than she had shown me or that I could see...but she herself flat out denied that possibility...In any case...unless she makes the attempt to tell me what's going on, it doesn't matter. The fact is she is dead to me...and she will stay dead unless she makes the attempt.

these are the kind of thoughts I need to sustain...not the ones I had last night. You all know that. I know that. Last night was just another bad relapse I suppose...may they be fewer and further between in my future.

I'm not going to whine about not having anyone to talk to anymore...because all of you that have given me advice or support or even just an electronic hug...I can feel how much you are trying to help and it's knowing that helps me feel better. 

taliana 
2003-01-07 17:35 
Yay!

We all have our moments.

*hugs* 
 

Man loses last shred of hope he didn't know he had (or words to that effect)

Sigh. I am now just over half way through my work day and on my dinner break at home. yup, thats right folks. I'm pulling the same duty I had to pull saturday. yay me. 

current mood:  bored
current music: Elliott Smith _Figure 8_  

taliana 
2003-01-07 17:32
Icky... 
 

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