this morning I realized my body already remembered how to breathe. Instead of cigarettes, I smoked my PT partners...~42 min on a 5 and half mile run..3 minutes faster than the next guy...

and I just got home from a really good workout at the gym...stairclimber, weights, abs...

yeah...i know...all of this shite sounds like new years resolutions...but they're not. New years resolutions invariably fail because, let's face it, if you need something like new years to motivate you to do something...that motivation isn't gonna be strong enough. No...I'm doing all of this NEW stuff (sans nicotine, sans coffee, working out) because it's just the right time to do it. damnit. Working out is good because the hours from 4PM to say 5 or 6PM (just after work)...when It would be the most likely time to get word from her...yeah those are the hours I need to have my mind distracted instead of blindly hoping...Of course today I left the office early so I hit the gym *before* this time...yeah (as evidenced by the time of this entry, lol)

I'm working really hard to maintain a healthy, positive mental attitude...but it snot easy and I'll take every distraction I can get that clears my head...I'm not going to post that I'm over her anymore...because it's always just been blind hope when I felt that way so far...no need to jinx myself.

Saw _The Two Towers_ last night. Waiting 2 and a half hours in line and then in the theater...awesome movie. Can't wait for _Return of the King_. In the meantime, tonight I'm going to go see _The Two Towers_ again. :)

yup. I suppose that officially proves my nerd-ness. not like I ever tried to hide it. :P

the other night I was thinking how some of you might have me on a filtered friend's view because it seems I never stop talking about the girl and how I can't hope and boo woo woo woe is me this is so wrong, blah blah blah crap no-one wants to hear a million times over. if that's the case, my apologies. I'm working towards getting the journal back to the way it was...posting everything public like I have been doing is a big start. Most of my entries about it now are getting my thoughts out of my head so they seem a bit more concrete and digested, you know? putting them here so I can look over them and gain strength from my attempts at resolving this. If yeah do be getting sick of it...so sorry. Always has been, always will be my journal. I write everything in my head that I want to write, and I write it primarily for myself...it being public doesn't change that. 

sorry if that sounds antagonistic...none of you have given me any indications you're sick of me...i'm just getting a bit sick of my endless posts about it myself. lol. 

current mood:  energetic
current music: Pearl Jam _Riot Act_  
 
 

oddharmonic 
2003-01-10 08:10 (link)  
I'm doing all of this NEW stuff (sans nicotine, sans coffee, working out) because it's just the right time to do it.

I thought it was because it would help you get more stamina for The Long Walk down the PCT.

I'll take every distraction I can get that clears my head...

Is it time for an odd care package from here? I'm sure I could find lots of small distractions to mail you. And a pad of graph paper, because the smallest amount of 10 square/inch graph paper I could find around here was 6 pads! Ah, but for living near a college town again... heh.

In the meantime, tonight I'm going to go see _The Two Towers_ again.

Mad envy. But you're not a real nerd for Tolkien unless you speak/write one of his invented languages or own a fancy version of one of his rings (e.g., a gold or platinum version of The One Ring or one of the Elven Rings of Power).

And I don't think I could ever get of your writing. Even when it's as "dealing with the girl" as you feel it might be, it's still better than nearly everything I stumble across randomly on LJ.

 
rainingvodka 
2003-01-10 20:37 
Yeah. it's time to start gearing up for the PCT again. Jesus christ but do you realize I wasted three fucking months of training because I fell in love? I have a lot of ground to make up on exercise and diet. 

In a way...giving up smokes is good because just stamina, cuz I really could use a bit more fat on my body to burn off on the trail...but on the flipside...I got a lot of training to do so I see trouble keeping it on!

Just finished a quick 4 miler to get me back into the swing of things as a matter of fact. Did about ten minutes (with ruck) on the stair climber too.

a care package would be fucking awesome...you could send me a bottle of friggin shampoo and it would make my idea (that's not a suggestion btw.)

and i wasn't implying I was a Tolkien nerd...just a nerd in general. so there :P

and I can't friggin long on from home damnit! the only reason I can write this is cuz my ruck was in the office and I'm leaving it here, so I'm on my office machine right now. getting really sick of my ISP and thinking about ditching the fucker again. 
 

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