Bled the damn clutch last night...worked for about five miles. Bled it *completely* this morning...cleaned out the master cylinder, flushed all the dirty fluid out...seems to work for the time being again...thanks Dad for the help!

I just finished throwing together a new resume to send Barb. She's looking into that internship at Infomax for me and needs it. I'll email it to her later tonight, same time I upload this entry.

Visited with my sister and niece today...we went to Costco and she bought me a buncha food...what a great sister. I am now actually the proud owner of a 12 pack of Macaroni and Cheese...gawd I've never seen so much of the stuff together in my life. I actually got *good* coffee beans again for once...other stuff like bread and soap...Yay for me!

Christa emailed me Saturday from Chico. Apparently things are well enough for her there. She answered my "why are you here" bit from saturday's entry...essentially because she likes to be around me and, like myself, only has a "_handfull_" of real "friends". Comforting to be considered a "real friend" by someone. Makes me feel happy just thinking about it. Seeing as how I upload this entry, then skim email for important stuff, I have no idea if she's replied to my reply. If so, look for insightfull nuggets aout it in the next entry ;) I will say this about this last past one: _lotza_ alt/sounded out spellings and smileys :) I like that...just another quirk to...and I'd liked to say "adore" but that's perhaps the wrong word for our relationship, yet I cna think of no other term...yet, does it matter? Is it wrong to "adore" a quality in a platonic friend? I dunno .

Having a "real friend" again is uplifting and heartening, whatever the case...been too long without...

It's quiet here, calm; serene even. I sat in a Safeway parking lot with Katrina while Justine ran in for a few things...just watching people come and go. Come, park, lock, shop, unload, unlock, start, go. All those lives around me, touched briiefly, barely...just an instant in their pattern on the wheel of time...unnoticed, unheeded. I observed these people, wondering where they were coming from, shopping for, going to. What thoughts drove them? What daily rituals did they observe? Did they have a loved one at home, a child? Were they succeeding or failruing in their ambitions? Did they have ambitions? Was I seeing a future "somebody" unload their groceries, or a "has been"? What story did their life tell and how did I affect or (more likely, not affect) it? I watched a soap bubble, blown fiercely against a car window, bounce off and pop of it's own accord instead. Life is like that sometimes I suppose...we overcome the hardest barriers or difficulties only to fade away with the passage of time.

I'm coming out of my depression more fully now, taking joy in the little things, the big picure, and my "place" here. I'm beginning to value myself again and foresee myself dinding that "niche" in the world.

I actually find myself looking forward to each new day and what it might bring, instead of forcing myself asleep and out of bed, I'm happy to be awake and moving. Still takes me caffeine and niccoteine to become coherent, but doesn't disguise the simple joy of a good sleep.

Now if I could just kick this niccoteine addiction, I'd be set.

Hiked through Muir Woods a bit Monday with Mom and Dad...it's the redwood tree grove north of San Francisco...I've been b4 but don't remember it. For them, it was a rare treat, for me, it was kind of dissapointing after living with the great coastal redwood in Humboldt for so long...but then, any day spent walking through just about *any* forest, is a day well spent...and I spent it with a family that loves me so it's impossible to call the day a failure in any sense of the word.

Had St. Patricks Day dinner with parents. sister/brotherinlaw/niece...corned beef/cabbage/potaters...beer too, but it wasn't died green...the cheesecake dessert Jsutine made *was* green though ;) It was good too...and I'm being "forced" to eat the left overs in the next couple of days. Heh Heh Heh. I love cheesecake.

So Wendy never called to ask me to work for the Chinese Kitchen this week. Oh well. I could have used the coin, but the time with family is just as valuable to be really. Still working on the yard.

I miss reading sarah's journal right now. I need to make an appointment on the library computer so I can catch up...just save the recent ones to disk. I suppose it'd be good to check up on these entries and make sure they're uploaded correctly too...

I gotta go to barb's house tommorrow or thursday to pick up blank analogs so I can make her tapes....she should have more info about yes/no/maybe possible internship then...here's to keeping my finger's crossed!