Honking Seals 11.12.97
07.11.98
11:21PM
This concert seems so far away right now...so long ago.
So much has changed since that night, that day. Life has shaped me and
taught me how to live as I see fit. Life has shown me it's ups and downs,
sickness and health, success and failure...and at the core of it all, I
emerge scathed, but improved, more human, more experienced, more conscious
of my world.
Life as of late has been rather "normal"...nothing exciting, nothing truly thought provoking...but then life is always like that for most of us...perhaps it's just my perception of the day that makes it seem so bland, when in reality there is much there to think on...yesterday was a full day, up at 6:45AM to take Chris to summer school, a bucket of balls at the driving range, a 5 mile run w/ two killer sprints towards the end, a long day of delivery including the need to replace another snapped V belt just after a delivery to 1702 Yellowstone Drive, for which I received a 10 cent tip by accident only...my car is tripping right now...stuttering. I think it might be the timing...i can only hope it holds out for the rest of summer. I'm hoping at *least* until thursday worst case scenario...the SBM1 came, and it kicks serious ass...the gain it provides is so much superior to the D8 and the sound fidelity is beautifull. I'm excited about using it soon...it even allows me to plug two stereo channels into one track...i.e. I can run the marcSounds into the right track and the CSC into both left and right...if the marcsounds pick up too much crowd or bass or distort or *whatever*, I can cut that track out and go mono...not too sure if I'm running CSC +mS or just CSC for PJ...
So I've made good money in tips these past couple of days. Sitting on $85 now when wednesday I had ~$0. That's PJ tshirt/poster money and then plenty left for living expenses until the show + I work tommorrow and prolly a few mroe days until the show as well....got bruces SP tape in the mail yesterday...did a spot check on it, and his has crowd noise in places...mine has none except for breifly at the beginning (about 5 seconds) and then of course my own screaming "thank you billy" for annie-dog before and after the song...I like my tape better, so I didn't bother making a clone...sent the tape bruce sent me to Ed today, and Ed is about to tape a couple PJ shows...unfortunetly his second deck is down though so no PJ clones from him for a while...
So the thought occured to why the army is so appealing, besides everything else I've described, it's that escape I've been longing for, that desire to "run-away" from everything, but without the downside of wasting my life...this actually furthers my life while giving me the oppurtunity to remove myself from it's heading at the very least temporarily...not to mention who knows what /where I will be four years from now. WIll I finally get to see Sarah again? WIll we still click as friends IRL? WIll there be any relationship with her like he joked about in school, or with another woman? Will the army treat me so well I decided to go for OCS and make it a career or a longer lasting part of my life than four years? It still seems unreal, like I'm not really going in...it hasn't fully set in yet that the next four years of my life are spoken for in a big way...
So see, once there was this guy. He didn't know who or what he was; poet, writer, engineer, para-legal, soldier, deadbeat, alcoholic, pot-head, patriot, manic-depressive, journalist, teacher, learner, father/son, 'cultural hero', philosopher, criminal, hypocrite...or just another human stuck on earth for good or for ill and looking for answers that never will appear...
What will people think of me when I'm dead. What part of me will stand out? The humor, passion, compassion, philosophic nature, love, joy or the rest of the crap that makes me human...WIll I even be remembered at all, for good *or* for ill?
11:44PM