from the choirgirl hotel Tori
07.31.98
12:18AM Last day of the month. For some journalists, that
means recoding templates, moving files around, etc. etc. I haven't recoded
a template or moved files around for months now. Plans for my own internet
provider have fizzled as I don't feel like paying the $30 setup fee the
only local provider requires...for two months worth of service...
I wonder if I can get free access from the military?
During basic training I do plan on keeping a paper journal and later uploading it. There will be zero chance at getting online during those 8 weeks however. Christa has indicated a *sincere* interest in reading about that part of my life...my guess is it should be unique reading for many people...a chance to see exactly what today's Boot camp is like, without the frills from the recruiters, without so and so said this rumors and such...but then again, I dunno, could be just as boring everyday average like most of the journal seems...Anyways, point being is that it should be hilarious to see what kind of hits I get while away for basic...how many one hit visits I get during that time...like any web curater would, I wonder sometimes who those one-hitters are...hwo they came here, how long they stayed and what they read. It's a warm feeling to look at the "ten-most-recent-domains" on the nedstat and see a few I recognize from friends. To feel worthy of attention, to feel interesting and even cared for by others...it's a precious gift...
Finished _The Wounded Land_ By Donaldson, book one of the second thomac covenant trilogy...The past few days I've regained that passion for reading...having the time off helps...I also had a craving for cigars. One of which I enjoyed in the spa last night with this same CD playing.
Made an appointment with a dermatologist for next friday. According to the army, the acne on my back, chest and shoulders is a "malady that requires medical treatment" and as such, they wont let me ship if it doesn't clear up. Ever since those first pimples appeared in my early teenage years, I've shrugged it off publically. I went through the usual oxy-10 type stuff and most of it retreated from my face...for a few years though I was still quite self conscious about the acne on my back and chest though, prefering not to go topless in public...but I never really voiced my self consciousness about it...shrugging it off as "not a big deal" and acting as if it didn't really affect me...but I wonder sometimes about it's effect on my social behaviors. Skin blemishes. I can only wonder what kind of an impression it creates in others...how much of an effect doe it have on my appearance to other people, to women? Well, now I actually am being *forced* to have it treated. Kinf of funny how it has worked out. I wanted to go to a Kaiser Dermatologist, since it is covered under my parents health-plan, but I couldn't get an appt till aug 25...a little late to begin the treatment in time for my ship date I think...
So August fifth the family is takin me out to dinner to celebrate my 23rd. I told 'em I'd liked to go eat at The OUtback...this 'mock Australian' steakhouse where the portions of meat are huge and the bbq is out of this world...this despite my lessoning appitite for red meat the past few months...oftentimes when Ive been at a resteraunt, I simply wasn't in the mood for a hamburger or steak or pork or...interesting.
Haven't heard back from Jay about going out together for
sushi...
I picked up two tickets for Tricky at the Warfield...the
show is the sunday before Tool in Reno...fantastic group. Much better live
than in the studio...blew me away at lolapalooza 97 even after their cd
didn't cause too much of a stir...
Smashing Pumpkins came on 53rd St for David Letterman tonight, just after Jenni from "jenni-cam fame" (Hmmm...is i one 'n' or two?) Personally I find it odd she was back in the spotlight again...in the spotlight a few months ago and now finally on Letterman...2.5 years after the beginning? It's weird I think, that something from the internet could go so long unnoticed in the public's eye...instantaneous information but it's such a mess out there (here!) that so much is lost, gone unnoticed...just like real life I suppose.
Anyways the mix for SP sucked...way too little on vocals. I thought they were better in SF but then, I was a shit load closer...
Been a lot cooler in Antioch these past few days, hovering way below the 100 F mark, around 70-80...been soaking up all the *colors* the world has to give, and I offer this one small plus for mankind...this creation of color in the world...brilliant blues, lavenders, pinks, crimson, magenta, mauve, ebony, etc. etc. Variety variety variety. Sure, our vision has progressed to the point that even a simple black and white world (not even 16color grayscale...)could be navigatable...but color makes it all more exciting doesn't it? Must one wonder why we place such stock on vision? I was thinking abou another, or perhaps just a clarification, on why I enjoy driving so much....it's a completely self absorbing activity to occupy myself while listening to music...something to keep me busy as the music pumps...Even at shows I don't have that ability since tapes rolling...but by this point, it's not even a regret, not even a decision...taping has become part of my concert experience, part of the routine...when I go see a show it can be safely assumed I'll walk away with a recording...Since I started taping, their have been only two shows I did not roll with gear...the first was a Gwar show in summer 97...a mosh pit heavy metal *not* about just the music show I went to to leave 'taping blues' and bang around...the second was the second PJ maui show...because Kurt was rolling his and would get better sound than I anyway and since I was just gonna help him...his recording would suffice for my recording...not even security has ever deterred me from taping...although there have been a few shit sounding tapes made, and 2 digi silence tapes made...has even been one made of nothing more than 2.5 hours of FM radio static...
Tommorrow I'm gonna offer my recruiter my car for $750
once I'm done with it...with one catch...he has to deal with the smog himself...I
just *know* it won't pass...
I've been thinking about a new car once I enlist, or
maybe a motorcycle. A motorbike appeals to me in some ways, and not in
others...roaddust sucks and if I hafta show to 'work' in clean uniform...plus
long trips made difficult...plus freaked out mother...but then it's cheaper
and more of a connection to the road and the world...and an exciting package
to feel the wind in the hair...who knows, will see how things shape up
inthe future...
Several nights ago I had a dream I was in a footrace where no-one but the runners knew the course's path...eventually that path led to a sidewalk shut off to one side by tightropes, like a bridge's guide wires which encroached further and further down the sidewalk until I was forced to crawl under them and onto the bridge to keep moving forward...it meant I had to crawl in the gutter as a bus was coming toward me...patriotic music was playing at this time, touching this gutter crawl with a highly sarcastic highlight...then i dreamed I awoke in a wood lined carriage or winnebago of some sort where a miniture crow crouched on that mason bank left to me by my grandmother...and the crow was saying somethign but I could't understand what...yet in the dream I *did* know and replied with "you're right, and you're almost always right...you're a smart bird..." and someone told me to be quiet at the other end of the room...I think it was an old man, perhaps my grandfather I never met...then I woke up in earnest...
The strangest thing about the dream was that it occurred only ten minutes after falling asleep. I know because I finished masturbating around 12 and woke up at 12:15...how is it possible to have such a vivid dream that soon into sleep?
Last night the cat woke me up at 1:12AM. Tonight I'm not even going to be in bed by then...hmm...actually, it's 1:12 right now...