The "'New' Live 105" 105.3 SF, CA
08.02.98
2:51AM
The only reason I'm up right now is cuz I'm being a dork trying to win tickets for the upcoming MGD Blind Date concert in SF...august 13...the basic idea is this, MGD gets these big name bands to play teeny tiny clubs and gives away tickets to boost promotions and advertise to the "alternative" rock crowd...the catch though is they don't tell *anyone* who the band is until the show starts...David Bowie, Garbage, Red Hot Chili Peppers, and Bush are a few of the bands that have done the gig at various places across le gran ol USA. The Foo Fighters played the last SF one at the Fillmore...a day after and also a day before I saw a show there....Verve Pipe/Tonic/K's Choice then Sonvolt...I was pissed that I missed that show but I found out about it after the fact, making winning tickets kind of pointless, not to mention impossible...
Needless to say, I really want to win this time around. Also I think needless to say is the lack of tapers getting into these gigs, a damn shame IMHO...
So here I am awake and typing when I should be getting sleep b4 work eight hous from now...I got through on the phones the last giveway ten minutes or so ago...only to be caller number 1 when its' number ten for the win...wahoo, at least I got through that time...
I got a new CD players for my car today (um, saturday). Wendy had me go to Costco to get white rice so I picked it up while I was there...for $140 it was the best deal I've seen for a new unit in all Contra Costa. I installed it after work and took it for a test drive with my Dunhill cigar...
Last night (friday night) mum and pops admitted to having
grown "stuff" back in dublin...I was so young I never even knew what it
was, but according to them it got so huge they actually had to tie it down
and mom was getting paranoid abou getting busted for it. Mom wouldn't cop
to it, saying they gave it all away, but dad admitted they did end up smoking
most of it, after being given the seedling as a gift...all that arising
from the comic strip _Foxtrot_ and the zuchini harvesting as of late...then
it went into that garden in dublin and the zuchini we had, and how the
corn grew so well...then into...Minutes later Dad went rumaging through
the liquor cabinet, pulling out sealed bottle of J&B and Jim Bean and
other such alcohols...older than I am...We all made jokes about it and
it was the liveliest exchange I'd had with my parents in a long time...not
that it doesn't feel like family, but...I don't know, we three just seemd
so much of the same stock then...
Dad never brought up those printouts, and I never really
got a good comfortabel chance to inquiry myself. Well, if he deemed it
something to not discuss, fine with me...
There's been this really incredible women at the mall
lately. She caught my eye friday eating at the resteraunt. I couldn't help
but stare from the kitchen where I was 'doing eggrolls'...not making them,
pulling apart the egg roll wrapping 'dough' that gets smooshed together
in shipping and storing....pulling them apart to make it one less thing
for the chefs to do whilst preparing the egg rolls...but where she was
sittin I had a perfect angle at her face in the mirror...something in her
eyes just enraptured me, even though I cant recall blue or green...the
way her hair framed her oval face and her posture outlined her frame when
she got up and left...it left a hole in my heart for several minutes. I
saw her again saturday, just leaving the mall with a cigarrette perched
in her lips...and I swear I shit not when I walked outside to take some
carboard boxes to the compactor that I saw that very cigarette only half
smoked and ground into the pavement...I don't know what other than instinct
or delusion made me so sure it was *her* cigarette it, but I was positive...despite
it I have yet to have a chance to even say a word...maybe for the best?
I have always had this shyness/fear self serving hangup on attempting to
begin a relationship when I know I'll be leaving for somewhere soon. I
say it isn't fair to try for either person but, as I say, it's also out
of cowardice...
One of my major problems is always making excuses instead
of letting things lay as they will...my nature is to offer an explanation
for everything I can--which results in an excuse when it's a wrong or detrimental
activity...
Something I'm noticing this evening is that almost all
the songs I like are played this late in the evening, and all the songs
I don't like are put on repeat/shuffle durin daylight hours...
3:24AM
What the hell gives? Right now "Sober" by Tool is on...I
was speculating earlier that it might be Tool at this MGD show...they're
going on tour at that time so...what an unbelievable experience to see
Tool at a tiny club...
live and dream and hope and die...
I am a dork, I admit it. Does it really matter? To some, perhaps it does, and I feel bad for them, really...doesn't affect my perceptions of myself or self esteem. I corrode my self esteem with my own estimations of worth, and being a dork does little...
They just aired another one of those trailors about the contest, pysching me out for a moment...but not yet, still mroe to wait for the next call-in opp. I called earlier and requested "Tremor Christ" and he said he'd try, but no dice. :(
10:28PM. So of course I didn't win tickets. I ended up
falling asleep at 4AM this morning. I had a couple more chances at the
call ins but no luck. Oh well...hopefully it's some band like third eye
blind or sublime or something else i can't stand. if it ends up being Tool
I'll be pissed...
Got stiffed on a $190 catering delivery today. that *pissed*
me off. My new stereo is great though...so good to be able to pick my own
music again...